Meltdown?

What is a meltdown?

How do you know that you are having a meltdown?

  • I'm not good adapting to change either. After your consultation with the psychiatrist they will write a report. Usually the report will give recommendations. When  appropriate possibly whilst discussing work or at the end of the consultation you could ask them to include advice directed towards work or directions of how to get "access to work" which is there to offer support in work. For example if you are distracted by noise in an office you could ask to wear ear defenders. If you are distracted by people coming in and out of the office you could maybe change the position of your desk. Or have support helping to clear your desk and make a schedule. I haven't done it myself but worth looking into I would think. It's finding ways to help you do your job.. easier in some jobs than others obviously. It's amazing what is on the internet.. you could look up your job linked up with autism and see what crops up. Or you could start a thread on here without giving away personal details and see what other people have tried. Some employers will be more able to accommodate you than others it depends on circumstances I expect. 

  • My ex-partner (left me in Jan 2016 after 18 months of pure hell!) triggered some of the most extreme behaviour I've ever exhibited - including, to my shame, a shouting match in the street.  I've never behaved in such a shocking way before.  But I couldn't control it. She just had a way of crossing my wires.

    My sister-in-law is the same.  Narcissists know how to work things to their advantage.  She's been on the scene for over 30 years.  She's changed my brother.  I hardly recognise him as the mate I had in my 20s.  He's in the middle - but his first loyalty has to be to her.  I told him, after the funeral, that I wanted to shut myself off and not have contact with anyone.  It was mainly directed at them.  I think he got the picture.  I was troubled by it, but the bereavement counsellor I saw told me I'd done the right thing.  I said it seemed a little unfair, because she'd been very supportive in recent months - even if she did take a bit too much control over the funeral.  'You and your brother are in a vulnerable place, and you both need a steady hand at the tiller' - that kind of thing.  Right, of course - but then she just takes over.  The counsellor said - 'You can't afford to have people like that in your life.  She's done you damage in the past, so you need to step away.'

    I've felt a lot easier, I must say, now that I don't really have much to do with them.  Birthday cards and an occasional 'catch-up' text.  And now there's just me and the cat.  In that respect, things are right.

  • I have felt that degree of frustration myself and usually grit my teeth and try to find an excuse to leave the scene...

    i am not good at certain situations and instead of dealing with it I put it in a box that with their lid fitted on tight....and never deal with it...

    i've only done the head banging thing once in front of my ex-husband....he just walked away from me and never spoke about it...

    i must have a closet of boxes!!!!!

  • It's the closest I can describe to a 'meltdown' (special incident!)

    It doesn't happen often.  It actually happened once when I was with mum, and it pains me very much to remember it.  Poor dear - she was trying to program the DVD player to record a programme.  It wouldn't work.  I tried, but I'm hopeless with that kind of thing, and the instruction book didn't help.  She kept insisting she could do it - but she kept trying the same way over and over with the same predictable result.  I kept trying to tell her it wouldn't work - but she kept on.  She had early-stage dementia, so she couldn't help it.  And I could understand the frustration.  But I couldn't control my own frustration.  I was kneeling on the floor beside her chair at the time, trying to help... and then I just found myself leaning forwards and bashing my head against the floor until I saw stars.  Then it stopped, and I was okay again.

  • I find also that removing yourself from people than have a negative impact (when you have a choice) a good strategy also. I have no contact now with my mum or siblings.....which hurts but is less upsetting than if I did.

    still sad about you hurting yourself - I suppose we all self harm one way or another...but to physically hurt yourself is upsetting...

  • Yes.  Not badly.  It's the only way, in those situations, that I can bring some sort of control back.  It's like the most extreme form of frustration, where nothing else works.  It mainly happens around certain family members - or rather, extended family members.  My brother is married to a narcissist, and her natural daughter is one.  It's why, since mum's passing, I don't really have anything to do with them any more.  I haven't seen my brother for three months now.  It's the best way.  His wife, in particular, has a way of saying things that raises the temperature.  I'm sure it's deliberate.  It's the way such people operate.

    As for the panic - it usually comes when I'm getting told to do something differently when I know the way I'm doing it is right.  It harks back to that time in primary school, with the '3s' (I think I mentioned it before).  I knew I was right.  I was being told it was wrong.  Whereas it wasn't wrong - it just wasn't being done in quite the same way as the teacher wanted it.

  • I think the panic about losing physical control won the battle over the panic of the crowds on the underground...gritted teeth and determination won but it was scary particularly as I was on my own

  • I've used the term, but I personally don't like it.  To me, it has the same connotation as that other much-used one: 'kicking-off'.

    At the autistic trust where I'm going to work, they just use the term 'special incident'.  It sounds a bit PC - but a special incident is really what it is. 

    I suppose the closest I've come to it is either when I've gotten into such a huge rage about something that I simply can't do anything but walk around in a circle shouting (and often swearing).  This has happened on a few occasions where emotions have become very highly charged.  The rage just shoots up in my head, out of nowhere, and takes over.  I'm not and never have been physically violent towards anyone else - but I'll bang my fists or my head against the wall until it hurts - and that pain seems to work.

    Another thing is a panic attack.  The last one of those I had was when I was working in a supermarket, doing my job properly and diligently as I always did, and a manager came along and told me to do it another way.  I didn't see the point of this - the way I was doing it worked well enough - and, in fact, was the best way to do the job.  He then insisted.  His way would have meant cutting corners, though.  I tried to remonstrate, explaining the rationale.  He then started shouting at me.  That was it.  I walked away, went into one of the produce chillers... and stood there for probably 10 minutes, just staring at the wall, before someone came in and spoke to me - bringing me out of it.

    In both situations, I lose control to some extent.  I either shout the house down and hurt myself.  Or I freeze.  Either way, normal functioning is shut down temporarily.

  • I had to take my daughter through the underground 2 weeks ago on the way to London City Airport,

    I was worried before I went, but actually there were so many people it was ok for me, I would have been worse if there were less people I think. I was very suprised. Maybe its true that you can have privacy in  crowd, as long as the crowd is big enough to make 1 person annonymous. I can imagine how a meltdown in the underground could be very difficult to resolve! How did you manage to get through the episode Elephant?

  • I agree Daniel - "My issues are usually around lack of control of things, and personal space."

    i then start to panic, the worse thing with this is the physical aspect in that I start getting palpitations and get pics and needles in my legs and fear I might collapse...,the last time this happened was up an escalator on the London Underground. Thankfully I did not collapse...but scary...

  • For me I seem to go into a semi paralysed state, where I can move but my inside of my head is short circuiting. I cannot function properly and tense up completely. Its a bit like a panic attack, but more complete sensory overload.

    I am definitely aware of it happening, and without moving away and isolating myself for a time it does not ease off. It can take 10 minutes to a couple of hours of being alone with headphones drowning out the world before I am ok to function again.

    My issues are usually around lack of control of things, and personal space.

    Though a meltdown is more like a 'straw that broke the camels back' scenario, that can be one trigger on top of a whole host of underlying issues. The doctor I speak to at the Autism Diagnostic Service said that for a NT person, if the stress scale is 1 to 10 they will know when they are over 5, and start to take remedial action.

    For an ASD person they have a base level of say 4, and do not notice until it gets to 9, which is also the trigger point for something. It is more likely for someone else to spot an ASD person getting worked up than themselves, which is where having people around who you can trust is a good thing.

    I agree with Hendrow, great question Meerkatz!

  • Bloody good Question Meerkatz.

  • I usually have this when someone wants me to call somewhere as I really hate phones. Also, when I enter in a noisy room and/or with a lot of people in it. Then I feel really overwhelmed.

  • Its very rare that I have a meltdown but I had one in work about a week ago, my boss went on holiday and didn't inform me. Now I'm a person who likes a routine and I was quite annoyed when I turned up for work and she wasn't in, she actually the only reason that Ive stayed at my job so long because it's quite hard work.  I like to think we get along quite well (although she did have a go at me once or twice for being late)  Because I haven't been diagnosed with autism just yet I don't think my boss understands my needs. I'm seeing a psychiatrist on 24th August then hopefully I will get my diagnosis. I'm asking this question when I do get diagnosed how would I approach my boss to say that I need to be treated differently? 

  • When things do not go to schedule, the additional stresses of having to go freestyle, these tend to set me off. I try though to do the meltdowns at home. I can gauge when they are coming on most times, but there are times when they just hit me.

    At best I just get psychologically overwhelmed and confused, and at worst I have physiological siezures. When I was younger I had grand-mal siezures several times a day left, right and centre, but now I get petite-mals several times a week where I just pass-out for a few hours or so.

    One thing that hits me the hardest is doing all my shopping and then finding I have forgotten to bring the money, or shops closing early before I usually get there. Christmass and new years day can cause major hassles in this respect. Any change to my routine often disrupts it for ages. My sleep pattern for instance, which is not good at the best of times, has yet to stabilise from the hour change recently.

  • That's pretty much it I suppose. From my experience it has been from a build up of frustrations through a failure to communicate effectively.

    I've been in situations many a time where I would be crying uncontrollably for up to an hour.

    The hard part, in my opinion, is getting others to understand.

    What sort of things can trigger a meltdown for everyone else?

  • A meltdown is 'an intense response to overwhelming situation'. It happens when someone becomtes completely overwhelmed by their current situation and temporarily loses behavioural control. This loss of control can be expressed verbally (eg shouting, screaming, crying), physically (eg kicking, lashing out, biting) or both.

    according to the NAS. And another source describes it as,

    A meltdown is where a person with autism or Aspergers temporarily loses control because of emotional factors. They aren't usually caused by one specific thing. Triggers build up until the person becomes so overwhelmed that they can't take in any more information.

    I find the latter description more befitting personally.

  • I feel like I have many times. It's the comments that've been made.

    'You're acting like a teenage girl' 'You need professional help'

    And the timeless.... 'Get a Grip'.

    This leads to doubt and I'm looking for some kind of validation that this is the case I suppose just to at least reassure myself if anything.