Verbal Instruction

I recently experienced something I thought was interesting, and thought it may be worth relaying here.  A bit of background information first - I am currently awaiting a Full Assessment for ASD, and one of the things I have always had problems with is understanding verbal instruction.

A few days ago, I was speaking to somebody at my car insurance company, who was giving me information about my car policy, and I was finding it very hard to take in the facts and figures.  I explained to the man in the call centre that I was having problems taking in the information, and thought he might not understand what I meant by that, so then told him with a bit of hesitation "basically I'm mildly autistic".  He'd been quite helpful before I mentioned autism, but then he asked if I would like him to read out the key points of the policy so I could write them down, which I said would be very helpful indeed.  He explained the various details, giving me time to write them down, so I could understand and process them, and respond appropriately.  It was such a good experience for me to speak to somebody in this way, and after the call I felt very positive about having understood the information much more clearly.  As I sometimes have trouble speaking in the "wrong" places in phone conversations too, I found the space that he gave me in the conversation was less stressful.

However, I must admit to feeling a bit uneasy about claiming I was "mildly autistic", not because I don't feel comfortable thinking of myself in this way - diagnosis would in fact be a comfort - but because I was claiming to be something that (at the moment at least) I'm not.  Also, I've heard it said that "there's nothing mild about Autism" - because ASD means so many different things to so many on the spectrum.

If I felt overloaded with information on a phone call again, which is common for me, I'd be tempted to mention autism again, because it helped me to get sense and the relevant details from the call.

I guess what I'm asking here is should I feel at ease doing this again?  I suppose it comes down to me wanting to be honest (I've been told many times that I am!).

I'd be interested to know what others think.  After my realisation that I may have ASD recently, I'm now in that difficult middle ground until I get my Full Assessment.

Parents
  • Everyone in my ND family of choice have problems with verbal instructions...me included.

    We send text or Messenger lists, we have whiteboards in both kitchen and living room. We use photo apps on phones if we need to get specific details.

    Both girls struggle with keeping physical diaries but both accept that I keep an electronic diary and they are welcome to ask me to send them reminders.

    We could get shares in Post-It notes :-)

    Because I've done lots of adult education and advocacy I'm now up to speed with not assuming that the girls have learned even simple things like teeth flossing. SD20 is about to get braces and I'm looking at YouTube clips on how to care for teeth once braces are in place.i will send her a couple and I'm quite happy to do some work together as she develops the skills. She's learned that I don't shame her for not learning things easily... sadly SD16 still thinks that it's bad to ask for that kind of help.

  • My husband finds me frustrating....as at times I perceive his instructions as being "orders" and not requests or enquiries....he wants my input and I take it as just being told what to do.....so he gets frustrated and I feel rejected and lacking in personal agency (I can be very stubborn and like to feel that I should have a say in my life)...

  • I understand that feeling... previous negative experiences in relationships make me a touch sensitive about being told how to do physical things.

    One big thing we've come up with is the "do you want assistance to do it your way or instructions on a way you might find easier" question. It requires that the skilled person can bite their tongue if the person choses the former and just offer assistance as instructed. It means for example that if I was struggling with a number issue, I would have to know what help I was asking for: so in example setting up an excel sheet I need to say "I want to have X happen when I do You but only if Z is also true"

    If I ask for instruction  in an easier way then SO can use his extensive programming experience to get the answer out the other end, but he's also expected to explain what he's done.

    In each option it's about the learner controlling the input and that can be hard for an NT teacher.

    Our next experiment is to try having pictures of completed tasks (e.g. what the chest of drawers looks like when clothes are folded in the right place) to supplement checklists for SD16. We are off to a parenting through autism course this week, it will be interesting what ideas they have

  • You are full of such practical ideas and solutions. I think because someone has said something and I appear to be listening they expect me to have heard them and translated into immediate reaction. And I can't like you say visualise what something should look like. If I go into other peoples houses it is always a surprise they make their houses look.. I try.. I think about how I can make my house into a tidier calmer place but I can't get from that thought to the finished product.. so a photo of that would be great. I am learning so much on here. My family are like Elephants husband so that scenario has happened for a very long time. It would be nice now that I know I have slower processing skills if they would take that into consideration but they don't. I too use my phone/camera for all sorts of things. I have learnt written instructions are better for me. At the bank or supermarket if they are talking or going too fast I just tell them and ask them to slow down or apologise that I am slow. I have stopped giving out my phone number for official things and tell them to email and if it's an unknown number I don't answer or screen first. It's not just verbal instructions either its instructions to myself. So I do use sticky labels which I will see or I will put something which doesn't belong in an odd place as a prompt ( hopefully I remember why!). 

Reply
  • You are full of such practical ideas and solutions. I think because someone has said something and I appear to be listening they expect me to have heard them and translated into immediate reaction. And I can't like you say visualise what something should look like. If I go into other peoples houses it is always a surprise they make their houses look.. I try.. I think about how I can make my house into a tidier calmer place but I can't get from that thought to the finished product.. so a photo of that would be great. I am learning so much on here. My family are like Elephants husband so that scenario has happened for a very long time. It would be nice now that I know I have slower processing skills if they would take that into consideration but they don't. I too use my phone/camera for all sorts of things. I have learnt written instructions are better for me. At the bank or supermarket if they are talking or going too fast I just tell them and ask them to slow down or apologise that I am slow. I have stopped giving out my phone number for official things and tell them to email and if it's an unknown number I don't answer or screen first. It's not just verbal instructions either its instructions to myself. So I do use sticky labels which I will see or I will put something which doesn't belong in an odd place as a prompt ( hopefully I remember why!). 

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