Verbal Instruction

Firstly, there is no such thing as mildly autistic, and actually, I hate that term. You are, or you aren’t.

Secondly, it’s very common to have problems with processing of information this way. I suspect you will take it in easier if it’s written down. 
When on a call next time, you can mention that you can’t take information in very well in real time, and suggest they go slower, or stop now and again so you can take notes. You could also ask them to provide an email or something with what you talked about.

Another less ideal  method, is to contact people via webchat. You can then get a copy of everything they typed through email.

You are full of such practical ideas and solutions. I think because someone has said something and I appear to be listening they expect me to have heard them and translated into immediate reaction. And I can't like you say visualise what something should look like. If I go into other peoples houses it is always a surprise they make their houses look.. I try.. I think about how I can make my house into a tidier calmer place but I can't get from that thought to the finished product.. so a photo of that would be great. I am learning so much on here. My family are like Elephants husband so that scenario has happened for a very long time. It would be nice now that I know I have slower processing skills if they would take that into consideration but they don't. I too use my phone/camera for all sorts of things. I have learnt written instructions are better for me. At the bank or supermarket if they are talking or going too fast I just tell them and ask them to slow down or apologise that I am slow. I have stopped giving out my phone number for official things and tell them to email and if it's an unknown number I don't answer or screen first. It's not just verbal instructions either its instructions to myself. So I do use sticky labels which I will see or I will put something which doesn't belong in an odd place as a prompt ( hopefully I remember why!). 

Sounds good.....do share any good ideas

I understand that feeling... previous negative experiences in relationships make me a touch sensitive about being told how to do physical things.

One big thing we've come up with is the "do you want assistance to do it your way or instructions on a way you might find easier" question. It requires that the skilled person can bite their tongue if the person choses the former and just offer assistance as instructed. It means for example that if I was struggling with a number issue, I would have to know what help I was asking for: so in example setting up an excel sheet I need to say "I want to have X happen when I do You but only if Z is also true"

If I ask for instruction  in an easier way then SO can use his extensive programming experience to get the answer out the other end, but he's also expected to explain what he's done.

In each option it's about the learner controlling the input and that can be hard for an NT teacher.

Our next experiment is to try having pictures of completed tasks (e.g. what the chest of drawers looks like when clothes are folded in the right place) to supplement checklists for SD16. We are off to a parenting through autism course this week, it will be interesting what ideas they have

My husband finds me frustrating....as at times I perceive his instructions as being "orders" and not requests or enquiries....he wants my input and I take it as just being told what to do.....so he gets frustrated and I feel rejected and lacking in personal agency (I can be very stubborn and like to feel that I should have a say in my life)...

Everyone in my ND family of choice have problems with verbal instructions...me included.

We send text or Messenger lists, we have whiteboards in both kitchen and living room. We use photo apps on phones if we need to get specific details.

Both girls struggle with keeping physical diaries but both accept that I keep an electronic diary and they are welcome to ask me to send them reminders.

We could get shares in Post-It notes :-)

Because I've done lots of adult education and advocacy I'm now up to speed with not assuming that the girls have learned even simple things like teeth flossing. SD20 is about to get braces and I'm looking at YouTube clips on how to care for teeth once braces are in place.i will send her a couple and I'm quite happy to do some work together as she develops the skills. She's learned that I don't shame her for not learning things easily... sadly SD16 still thinks that it's bad to ask for that kind of help.

Words become sounds, that's how I describe it. I just can't retain the info because I am too busy trying to convert the sounds into words Telstar.

I have the same problem with the verbal instructions. That is why I prefer everything in writing. That is much better for me.

Yes, I also have noticed that people are sometimes rude and not very understand.

I can say the same, if I had been giving the right support like having a 1-1 support assistant in my lessons, I would have excelled in school. I was really struggling in school.

I also have trouble following verbal instructions, I've encountered many people who very rude when i asked if they can slowly tell me information. Even since high school I've had a hard time processing information, my exam results was awful. I identify as having autism although I'm yet to get a official diagnosis. I have had numerous tests during my school years where I've been diagnosed with dyspraxia  and learning difficulties. My high school was really s**t, I would have excelled in school if i had been giving the right support like having a 1-1 support assistant in my lessons and wouldn't have my head kicked in on my way home from school numerous times if i had been able to go in the the base ( Base is a small building when people with special needs can go during lunch break if being outside gets to much)  

Thanks all for your comments - I'll reply to all posts within this one reply to keep things tidy.

Longman - I did take up your suggestion and sent them feedback on my experience, which I didn't do at the time - I agree that when somebody makes an effort to understand and help those of us with difficulties, it should be commended.  Public perceptions can be a problem too, and although my limited experience so far has only been positive, I'll look out for any negatives, and following on from that, will be careful who I disclose to.

Classic Codger - It's good to hear that you also had a similar experience recently, it certainly makes things much easier - but sorry to hear that the local authority aren't so helpful, hopefully they will contact you soon.  When you mentioned about deserving to feel uncomfortable I was mortified, until I saw you added LMFAO - to which I can only add LOL!  But I take your point about having to use their language, as a sort of bridge until people are more understanding of terms that we are more comfortable with.  Thanks also regarding the comment about me waiting for a diagnosis - yes, it's going to take some time, but already in my short time on this forum, I'm getting to understanding the new me.

Recombinantsocks - regarding your comment that one is either autistic or not regardless of diagnosis, is one that I certainly understand more now.  It seems there are a lot of people out there who often claim to be something they're not, which does a disservice to those who have fought their battles (like ASD individuals and their families) to prove that they are.  Interestingly, your point about mentioning I believe I might be autistic is very similar to one that was mentioned in my Initial Assessment, when I asked the assessors what I should tell prospective employers (I'm not currently working).  They said that I could tell an interviewer that I was going to get a Full Assessment in due course, which I will do, as I feel that honesty is best, though I will be guided by the situation.  It could also make it easier for an employer to hopefully make provision for my problem with verbal instruction/training.  I also take your point about me coping better after disclosure, and while the diagnosis is still some time away, I am becoming more certain that I am autistic, especially as my average AQ test score (I did it more than once) is around the 38 mark.

At least with things like World Autism Awareness Day, more and more NTs are understanding what it means to be autistic, whatever part of the spectrum one or one's children are on.

You are either autistic or not and that is true whether or not you have a diagnosis. If you don't want to claim to be officially autistic then you can say that you believe that you might be autistic and that you would be grateful for help. The fact that you coped better after you disclosed supports your suspicion that you are autistic.

I had a similar experience recently. I was forced into a 'phone call (I normaly use e-mail) and explained straight away that I might have difficulties. The girl I spoke with couldn't have been more helpful, once she understood, which she did very quickly. I have to admit that I was astonished, but very very grateful. Turned out she has an AS relative.

Contrast that with a recent contact with my Local Authority. I've raised a serious request for assistance, and nothing is happening, no contact, no help, nothing.

Everything Longman says is within my experience too. The sheer amount of assumptions and associated prejudices that any mention of 'difficulties' provoke is hateful to me because it is common to most NTs and anathema to me. I include colleagues who I've publicly humiliated for doing the same thing - it's considered to be part of my 'challenging' behaviour, although when I challenged someone for their use of the word n*****r I was considered to be a righteous champion of the black cause. I'm not, I'm just a practising egalitarian.

You deserve to be uncomfortable, using terms like 'mild'. Shame on you, LMFAO! Seriously, it's annoying but true that sometimes, we have to use their language, but that's partly our fault for not creating our own. Whatever it takes to get you through, man...

I reiterate Longman's caution to be careful where and how you disclose, although I generaly support the exploitation of any opportunity to get the message out there. That said, thank you for sharing such a positive experience with us, sorry you're in that exquisitely tense limbo pending your diagnosis, it's the worst possible time for you we know, and may you have the comfort you need, soon. It doesn't sound to me as if you're making insupportible claims, apart from in the literal sense, and I include my observations of your other posts in saying so.

I think you received a very commendable response from your car insurance call centre. Actually worth filling in one of their service feedback forms.

Trouble is more often than not the answer is very different. The public have a media perception of any kind of autism as dangerous. I once encountered a workplace health  officer who had once worked somewhere where someone allegedly autistic had allegedly groped a work colleague, and for her that was lifetime proof people with autism shouldn't be in the workplace.

And we wonder why it is hard for people with autism find it hard to get or hold down jobs.....

One finds similar attitudes to mental health - most people with a mental health problem have depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or a phobia, but you meet so many people who immediately link mental health condition with axe wielding psychopath.

I think if you are at the able end, disclosure is often less helpful than you would like. Apart from anything else there are still people out there, including GPs who think if you've got a job, or you look OK, you haven't got autism. Autism is still a child curled up in a corner, rocking or banging their head against a wall.  If you don't look like that they think you are being silly or a fantasist. There is no comprehension out there about able autism.

I was in hospital seven years ago and was having trouble explaining something and let slip to the nurse that I had Asperger's. She immediately stepped back and said "if you give me their phone number I'll contact your support worker".

When in the context of autism I disclosed to a former MP I had Asperger's his response was "you look normal to me".

The trouble is nobody out there understands autism. You were just lucky to find a decent soul at the end of the phone in that call centre.

Be cautious how and where you disclose. If your autism is more obvious it may well help. But those who don't show it may find disclosure frustrating at best.