Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm sat here wondering after bringing up OUR two children for 19 years (daughter 17, son 19) how in the last 10 months they have both been diagnosed with ASC. If it hadn't been for my daughter developing anorexia we would never have known they had ASD. The diagnosis of my son yesterday has left me wondering in his case whether the diagnosis will cause problems for him where without the diagnosis he had none. For example he is currently at Uni and obviously has to get a job at some point. He is incredibly bright but he will struggle with interviews. Had he not known abouthis ASC he may have put a bad interview behind him and moved on to the next (afterall we don't all get the first job we're interviewed for) but I can't help wondering if now he knows he has ASC he will blame every interview failure on this and send him on a downward spiral in terms of his mental health. I'm feeling bad now about suggesting he had an ADOS assessment but it was suggested to us by my daughter's paychologist.
Eleanor said:maybe I am so like my son and daughter that to me they were typical in our household.
Too true - someones normal is often someone else's "weird" - but life wouldn't work if we were identical. Thinking on the positive elements of ASC is good (see these as strengths)...but just be mindful of the challenges as well!
Yes all your comments have helped because it is good to hear positive experiences as well as negative. I have pondered my son's diagnosis a lot today and although I still have reservations whether he should have gone for the assessment given that he doesn't currently (to my knowledge) have mental health problems I think that once the seed had been planted by my daughter's psychologist that he may have ASC he just needed to know. Interestingly when I asked my daughter the day before his assessment what she thought the outcome would be she said 'mum, it's obvious isn't it'.
I should be rather worried by that because it wasn't obvious to me..........but then maybe I am so like my son and daughter that to me they were typical in our household.
Has it helped...you’re probably still a bundle of worry, I expect x
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies.
I’m good when it’s low key... friendly, informal and inquiring.. panel interviews and assessments another matter...I can cope but can find it full on
Don’t despair. Your son has already achieved getting through school and into Uni all without knowing he had Asc. That has to be a good basis on which to go to the next step. There are all sorts of routes and opportunities to get the the job you want; it isn’t always straight sailing but they usually get there in the end. Interviews are like exams you have to be prepared and practice. I usually interviewed well but then struggled in the job. Your son and daughter are young yet and hopefully this new information about themselves will help them in their future even if it’s looking at things from a different perspective. It’s possibly likely that other relatives have Asc either knowingly or not ... how are they doing?
Wow!! Well done Ellie. That’s good news. X
I've had some utterly terrible interviews in the past. I mean, several I've either cried in or come out of and immediately started to cry, they were that awful. Usually it was that I was hit with a question I wasn't at all expecting (and therefore wasn't prepared for-even though I often spent hours and hours preparing for interviews trying to come up with every possible thing I thought would happen) or something I could not quite figure out the meaning for despite attempts to clarify (and it would usually end up that the answer they were looking for was really simple and something I did know, making me look like an idiot), or something where it was clear they were looking for a 'right' answer, but I couldn't figure out what that might be. I would end up frozen and unable to get any answer out and it was so humiliating. And I didn't know why I kept having these experiences, despite doing far more preparation than most people I knew. I can tell you I definitely didn't feel like 'well, that was a bad interview, I'll just move on' because it kept happening but I couldn't understand why.
I've just started the process to get diagnosed and I wished I had had an insight into the things I'm beginning to be aware of now, back when I was having a hard time getting through interviews. I wish I had realised my trouble understanding what I was being asked, and not being able to get at what they were implying in those situations where the interviewer is obviously trying to help you get the 'right answer', wasn't just me being utterly stupid. So in my opinion, I think knowing he has an ASD might help your son identify better what he's having a hard time with, and how he can improve. That sounds better to me than constantly having difficult interviews but only having a limited insight as to why. Also, worth remembering that not every interview he doesn't get a job for will be because he has 'failed' the interview (not everyone can get the job after all, even if they all interview equally well) and even if an interview does go badly you can spin it positively as good practice.
Hi Eleanor
i am self diagnosed and went for an interview yesterday and successfully secured a job. On all application forms due to the Equalities Act he can declare his diagnosis at application and cite what consideration may need to be given at interview.
on a promising note, there are companies now in Silicon Valley looking at different ways at assessing job candidates which are autism friendly, such as assessment days which help demonstrate that you DO have the skills despite finding an old school interview template challenging. There are many ways to prove you have what they want x