Published on 12, July, 2020
So I recently had my haircut with this girl similar to my age etc she cut it a few times now and while having my haircut done, (I'm male) we talked about movies and I said I'll be seeing Deadpool 2 this week I haven't seen it yet etc, then at the end of the haircut she said to me that I'll have to let her know if it's good or not and she said if it's good she might have to go and see it herself. I took some time to think of the correct response and I said ok I'll let you know and said bye bye.
The thing is I really struggle with social stuff and reading between the lines if that's what it's called, common with aspergers. But why did she say that and what does it mean? I'm so confused because I don't understand how I'm meant to let her know? We don't even know eachother, we're just acquaintance's if that's what it's called, I don't have her contact info etc. Does she mean to let her know when I next see her in my haircut appointment or let her know before then somehow? I can't really walk into the hair place and say to her oh the movie is really good you should see it because it will just look weird right because I'm meant to go in for a purpose not to just go in to say that? Or am I overthinking it?
I'm not really a forthcoming person but I don't want her to think that I'm rude for not letting her know when I said I will? I am really not very good with this social stuff so if someone could explain it precisely the situation and what she means then I will know the next action to take, I kind of been put in a bit of a muddle because I don't know what the appropriate action to take next is now lol
She probably will cut my hair again so I don't want her to be sort of like disappointed if that's the correct word I don't know....
Hairdressers like to appear friendly and encourage people to talk about themselves because it (apparently) relaxes the customers and makes them feel liked, valued, and as if the hairdresser is actually interested in them as individuals instead of just as a customer. It's not because they want to make friends. It's because when total strangers are forced in close physical contact like this, appearing friendly makes it less awkward for them and their customers. If you were to go for a massage, a manicure, or a shave it would be the same.
They also want the customer to return to the same hairdresser the next time they need a haircut. She doesn't actually want to be friends outside of work though. She just wants to appear friendly so that you will become a regular customer. You probably noticed that she didn't say much about herself, but asked lots of questions about you?
I think she meant that, next time you return for your next haircut, let her know how the film was and maybe ask her if she's seen it yet. She will be glad that you came back for your next haircut and she will think she's done a good job of being friendly because you returned. She would be uncomfortable if you went into the salon to speak to her without needing a haircut.
Yes, hairdressers like to make small talk for the sake of it. I've heard it said that if you're more scared of the hairdresser than the dentist, you're probably autistic.
I'm male and maybe not great at social cues myself. It probably is as Endymion says just seeming friendly, and demonstrating respect of your opinion, to be polite, which might put NTs at their ease; or referring to the next time you go (and if that's as infrequently as me then Deadpool 2 will probably be on streaming and DVD by then, which would be fine, and in any case she'd probably have forgotten it).
On the other hand is there a small possibility she likes you? (It's not obvious from what she said.) What she said would give you the opportunity to call by for a chat before your next appointment. If you don't feel like it then don't ('all the people that come and go // stop and say hello' - Penny Lane). I don't want to put ideas in your head, and I'd be interested to hear how neurotypicals read the story.
She certainly wouldn't think you rude if you didn't tell her about the film before your next appointment.
I've always been more agitated about hairdresser appointments then dental appointments! Once, a hairdresser started massaging my scalp, without any warning, and he was chatting away as if it was a perfectly normal thing to do - I was horrified!! I never went back. At least dentists are predictable and wear gloves. And dentists don't expect 'small talk', just an occasional grunt or "Gnnnh!"