Cliques and gossip

I know this is a subject that's come up before several times.  But I've had some frustrating experiences at work recently with this type of thing, and just felt like blowing off a bit of steam 

I've never, in all of my long working life, 'fitted in' with colleagues - wherever I've worked.  Probably the worst places were offices - especially when I worked in the civil service and the NHS.  They were the kinds of places where, whenever you got up from your desk and went to make a cup of tea or something, you could sense people talking about you. I once suffered appalling bullying in an office, and was eventually led to complain - first to the bully, then to management.  The result?  They closed ranks around the bully, because she was in their clique, and I was effectively constructively dismissed. My dear old dad used to say 'F*** 'em, son.  If they're talking about you, they're not talking about some other poor sod.'  Which, I suppose, is true.  But it still always leaves me feeling uncomfortable.  Not understanding the usual signals and gestures that are exchanged between people, too, has always made me feel 'outside' - like they're in on a secret that I'm not allowed to share.

Even working in care, as I have done now for thirteen years, hasn't changed things.  In my first care job, there was a coterie of staff who gravitated around the deputy manager, who was a forceful and aggressive person and also a ritual abuser.  Anyone coming into the job afresh was 'tested' to see whether they were in or out with him - which usually meant being complicit in his behaviour, and emulating it. Those who 'failed' the test were invariably those who saw through him and left quite quickly afterwards.  I stayed on, but largely because I had an autonomous role.  In the end, though, I blew the whistle on him to CQC.  That was when everyone stopped talking to me.  So I left, too.

In my current job, which I've had for seven months now, there thankfully isn't any of that kind of abusive behaviour going on.  I work with autistic people, and the staff are generally more switched on with things.  Still, though, there's the other stuff to contend with.  There's basically one big clique of people who are all friends outside of work, too.  One of them was the interim manager for a long time, and still has a lot of influence.  This results in his 'favoured few' being able to get away with stuff that others get reprimanded for: using phones in work time, neglecting or getting off of duties.  They're also the ones who generally get selected for special trips out, etc.  I raised a few general issues at the last staff meeting about bad practice: food not being properly covered and dated before being refrigerated, daily reports not being completed, the vehicles being left in a mess, paperwork being ignored.  Basically - laziness and incompetence.  That's, of course, put me out of favour and marked me for being a toady.  Well... I couldn't care less about that.  But I sometimes feel that I'm being treated now as the 'gopher', or the one who'll do the s*****y jobs. I mentioned that people aren't doing the recycling properly - throwing inappropriate stuff, or contaminated stuff, in the recycling bins.  The answer?  That's part of my role, now, at the end of the day.  Go through the recycling and make sure it's all clean and appropriate.  In other words... the others can continue to do as they always have, because I'll sort it!

As for gossip... well, I hear it all the time directed at others, so I can take it for granted it's also directed at me.  But that no longer bothers me now.  I'm not there to make friends.  I just keep my head down and do my job.  They know I'm autistic, too, so tend to leave me to my own devices.  But then again, they'll do things like expect me to accept a last-moment change of plans.  I have a bargaining chip, though, with my autism.  They know I'm a good, solid, reliable worker who gets the job done properly.  So I can make objections that will, at least, be listened to and accepted.  But then, of course, you get resentments for seeming to have preferential status.  Which I clearly do not have - because I'm not in the clique!

I suppose it's the same in every part of human society.  Loyalty, patronage, toadying, 'you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours', lobbying, etc.  And gossip, which is obviously so damaging and destructive.  It's an integral part of how the entire system operates, it seems - all the way up to the Illuminati at the top!

I'll have no part of any of it.  In that sense, I'm really glad to be who I am.  I'm glad to be autistic.