Being treated like a child

Hello I feel really angry about being treated like a child when I am now almost 20 years of age in April like not being listened to or understood like an adult, a lot of things like some jobs, renting or buying certain cars or other vehicles, cervical screening for women, young drivers no longer being allowed to drive at night time and also children's services being up to 25 when this is getting so stupid as I have read in the past about an article when a lot of people have said before that 25 would never be the new 18 in which I have always found true as we are all adults before we are 25 years of age. I feel like I need to talk to someone or a lot more people a lot about this as I want their opinion about this and what they think and I am hoping a lot of them would agree with me on it and also say that adolescence does not really end at age 25 like they keep saying online or anywhere else.

Parents
  • I find it amusing people talking about being treated as children at the various ages, 16, 18, 20, 25 

    I was treated as a child by both my parents all my life until they both passed away.

    They never accepted me as an independent adult.  The real irony was that they were more childlike than me.

  • I think that (sometimes) parents can get a pass on that. Although I guess, as a parent, I'm a little biased there!

    My eldest children are 24 and 18 and I still think of them as 'The kids'. They'll always be 'my baby girls' although they live independent lives and have homes and partners of their own. I buy them Advent Calendars and Easter chocolates, ask about them eating and sleeping enough and dressing warmly, and have often said to them "Look at you, living your wee life like a real wee person! You're sooo cute!". (They just laugh and shake their heads.) 

    I think, as you say quite rightly, that the difficulty for some parents is in how they treat their 'children' - when it comes to the big things such as encouraging independence. 

    My youngest daughter is 13 and does her own laundry and packing for school boarding every week, sorts her own breakfast and lunches at weekends (I only do the family evening meals.) and is responsible for her own budgeting through the week as well as many other responsibilities that we both feel she's perfectly old enough and mature enough to cope with. All of that whilst still calling her my baby, ruffling her hair, and telling her she's a cutie-pie.

    I don't consider my youngest daughter to be an adult quite yet but not a child either. A young (pre?) adult maybe? As a teenager I think she's quite independent in most day-to-day things but I also think she still needs guidance at this age, nudging / steering in the right directions occasionally rather than leading / taking / pushing her there I guess. 

    From seeing other parents of older 'children' I think sometimes (some) parents keep their children dependent upon them on purpose, seemingly to give themselves a purpose (?). I'm not entirely sure why.     

  • You sound like a responsible mature parent.

    My parents had more mental health issues than me.  They ignored facts that I had grown  up.  And just  kept on treating me like a retarded (autistic) infant.

    One ridiculous incident comes to mind.  When I was in my mid thirties, I was walking with my father through a city centre pedestrianised area when a large group of pigeons decended on some discarded food. A small child ran through the group of pigeons scattering them.

    My father turned to me and started shouting at me; "GO CHASE THE PIGEONS, GO GO GO GO"

    I just ignored him, thinking you're mad, you think I'm three years old.

    When we got home he started a row with my mother that there was something wrong with me because I don't play or chase pigeons like other children.

Reply
  • You sound like a responsible mature parent.

    My parents had more mental health issues than me.  They ignored facts that I had grown  up.  And just  kept on treating me like a retarded (autistic) infant.

    One ridiculous incident comes to mind.  When I was in my mid thirties, I was walking with my father through a city centre pedestrianised area when a large group of pigeons decended on some discarded food. A small child ran through the group of pigeons scattering them.

    My father turned to me and started shouting at me; "GO CHASE THE PIGEONS, GO GO GO GO"

    I just ignored him, thinking you're mad, you think I'm three years old.

    When we got home he started a row with my mother that there was something wrong with me because I don't play or chase pigeons like other children.

Children
  • Why didn’t you chase the pigeons Hushed Lol! I think me and your dad would have got along very well Blush I thought everyone loved chasing pigeons! Laughing

  • Oh dear! That does sound a bit different to the kinds of things I thought you had meant (such as financial responsibility / budgeting as a teenager). That must have been quite frustrating to cope with indeed! Still, you showed more patience in your account with the pigeons than I'm afraid I might have. 

    My own parents were more of the ... lets say 'neglectful' type (this is a public forum after all and NAS aren't a fan of the four letter descriptors of my parents that I would otherwise use. I don't naturally think of them as 'my parents', more 'the people I was forced to live with as a child' until I was (just) old enough to get the hell out of there! See, no patience as I said. 

    Surprised to see anyone else on here at this hour, normally I wander around looking at old posts until the wee small hours.