Verbal communication and actions are over rated.
For example, for the past 12 months while I’ve been in burnout, I haven’t heard from hardly any of my friends and barely any of my family, and I’ve got a lot of friends and family, so this isn’t usual.
This has been a true god send to me. Most of them don’t even know yet that I’m autistic and they certainly don’t know I’ve been in a burnout, they have no idea.
However, since I’ve started to feel better, I’ve had a steady but manageable (so far) stream of friends contacting me. Inviting me out for lunch, to go for a walk, to go nordic walking, cycling, one friend who knows I would love to go to Marrakesh has paid for and booked a holiday there for us in June, the same friend has also booked a hotel for us next week so we can go to listen to her favourite band who are coming over from America. None of her friends like the band so they won’t go but she knows I’d go to the end of the world for her if needs be so although I don’t like going to listen to bands, I’m happy to go with her because I know how important it is to her and she’s insisted that she pay for that as well. We might not see each other or have any kind of contact for months and months on end but she knows she can rely on me to the degree that if i’m able to help or be there for her in any way, I will be. She doesn’t have the same level of confidence in the friends she hangs out with all the time.
I have other invites coming in as well, as well as friends popping up to simply say hi, how are you. I don’t keep in regular verbal or physical contact with my friends or family but we are in touch constantly by something much stronger than our words and actions. They didn’t know that I need their friendships right now, that their friendships are what will help me on my next leg of the journey. I’ve decided to go back to India and Bali and some other countries so I’m going to be away for a while this time, maybe a few years, maybe forever, who knows, so it’s great that I get to see some of my friends before I go. And no matter where I am in the world, at least one of my family or friends (who are my family) will come and visit me. They have been to Australia, Bali, India, the Isle of Man, all the places I’ve lived in the UK, wherever I go or wherever I am my friends keep in touch with me some how. I’ve even had letters and cards arrive at remote ashrams I’ve been at in India ~ I wouldn’t even know you could do that!
I don’t keep in touch with them so much but they never let me out of their hearts and visa versa. They all encourage and support me no matter what I do. My dad is currently encouraging me to walk the Pacific Crest Trail, another friend bought me the book with the route etc and I just know that whether I want them to or not, at least one of them will come and see me while I’m walking the trail and either walk a bit of the trail with me or for me to have a little stop off with them. I know when my sister is hurt and in which part of her body and visa versa and she’s the least ‘spiritual’ person you could ever come across.
This is a few days later now and I have to admit that the messages from friends and family is starting to become a little overwhelming for me now. I’ll handle it. But what I’m saying is, if I had to rely on verbal communication, I don’t think I’d have any friends at all, but I speak to them in my language. They don’t use this language with other people and they have no idea really how it works with me but it does and I’m overflowing with gratitude at the love and friendship that’s pouring my way now, now that I’m ready to receive it.
Verbal communication hurts my head, sign language is a bit better but I much prefer to communicate in a non verbal, none sign language way. That way I don’t have to get past all your understandings and you beyond mine before we reach some level of mutual understanding.
This is why I love silent retreats and the level of friendships you form there go way deeper than the ones you make when you are verbally communicating or communicating through body language.
I love it when I go mute but that doesn’t happen very often so I have to accept that I was given the ability to speak for some reason. I have surrendered to this now so now I will be guided in whatever way I need to be and if it means using my voice, so be it. I don’t hate it like I used to. I accept I can speak and now I’m not fighting it I guess I’ll soon find out why I can. I still find verbal/body language to be a very crude and harsh form of communication though.
Sounds like things are really improving for you and it is good that people are showing such a genuine interest in you as well as caring for your well-being and needs. The fact that you have some unwritten agreement among you and your friends on how best is to communicate is wonderful. I am still trying to work on that one, but the fact that you have accomplished this brings me hope. Verbal/body language is overrated and unfortunately society revolves around it, but I still believe there is a way that NT and ND people can communicate between each other better than we do currently. Understanding and education will help with this over time.
I'm glad that things are improving for you and you are feeling better than when we last spoke. :)
Thank you Starbuck, I appreciate that. I feel so loved and cared for right now and with every message I get I feel so fortunate. I know I’m there for my friends and I don’t really ask for help, I didn’t know how to, but this feels like they are paying me back 100% plus more ~ not that I ever put a price on what I give.
And yes, I 100% agree with you. I absolutely believe there’s a way we can communicate better with nt’s. Most of my friends are nt’s and the diagnosis and the time spent in this burnout have taught me that I need to learn about others and understand them as much as I want them to understand me, as far as they can. My support worker is helping me with that as well and I’m finding ways to communicate with people that doesn’t result in arguments and me getting annoyed with them. I also see how even my brother in law, who I thought for all these years was out to wind me up, wasn’t/isn’t. I thought he was the chief winder upper and he wasn’t at all.
I’m coming to understand that my autistic traits won’t dissapear just because I have awareness of them but that I can do things to minimise meltdowns etc. For example, I might spent time with people but maybe make the visit a bit shorter and rest afterwards.
Having all that time alone, not even having to get out of bed or wash and change everyday etc has helped me tremendously as well as having the support from people on this site. I’ve still got a long way to go, my support worker keeps reminding me that I’ve got further to go than I’d like to think and that we have to keep on working the baby steps, because they are actually working. But I’m out of the darkest stage and I can see the light and that’s good enough for me.
I think we will all find our way to the light if that’s what we’re aiming for, however we get there. You’re often in my thoughts Starbuck because I know we were at a similar stage so I’m glad that my experience is giving you hope. It’s like it all just happened all of a sudden but as we know I put a lot of effort in to getting me where I am today but it worked. I’ve stopped taking the anti depressants but they were a huge huge help. I don’t think I could have got this far without them. I’m very grateful to them.
With the communication thing, I think it’s all about have total confidence in yourself. Not in who you present to the world, that’s superficial, but in that thing, whatever it is that got us this far. I’ve always had a strong connection to it, all my life, although I didn’t understand it like I do now, or I didn’t understand that others weren’t like me. It’s like when you’re so connected to that thing inside of you that is beyond thoughts and ideas, it emenates out and meets other people. It’s like, I knew I needed this period of total solitude. I knew that and had so much confidence in it, it’s like my friends responded and supported me by not contacting me in all that time. If they had been contacting me I would have been freaking out, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I came off all social media, unsubscribed to all email lists and started blocking them. This took me nearly a year but I achieved it so now I’m not getting emails. I just reduced my life down to nothing, basically. I rarely even get mail coming through the door now. In the past year I’ve hardly ate and when I did, it was usually chocolate yet my blood results are better than they’ve ever been. My vitamin D levels are the highest my doctor said that he’s ever seen. He said in fact, he’s never tested anybody who wasn’t deficient. And I know this is true after working with consultants and politicians in the Isle of Man to get the government to supplement everyone as a matter of course. I have never not been aneamic. Me, my mum, sister and niece are all aneamic. We take iron tablets now and again if it goes too low and we can rarely give blood, but this time, my levels were normal. I have provided my body with little nutrition, no sun light, hardly any fresh air, I have barely moved, I even have bed soars, I haven’t kept my hydration levels up, I have been frequently dehydrated, living on solpeideine to take the pain away because even though I knew a drink of water would do that, I couldn’t drink. Even if I had had to live on the streets, there was nothing that was coming between me and my burnout. Meaning I was shutting the whole world out. I knew it would work even though all those around me were worried, trying to throw labels at me, eating disorder, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia. I was none of those things. I presented as those things but that was a false appearance. I was simply exhausted. My first shut down of this proportion was when I was 18 months old and they put me in an isolation ward at the hospital for kids with learning difficulties, for 3 weeks, all by myself with only nurses going in to feed me. And it worked. I began to function again. And as many of us found out, receiving the diagnosis is not only a cause of celebration with the answers to so many questions, asked and unasked, it also comes with loss, grief, devastation, fear for the future and lots of other things. In the end I also stopped going to the job centre. I just told them I’m not going in any more, it’s not helping me, I need to not leave my house at all. They didn’t sanction me and they’re making it so I don’t have to go in any more. When I need that time for total shut down, I am so committed to getting that time that I will not accept anything less but I also don’t put any conditions on it. If it meant living on the streets and eating out of bins I would have done it. And I think when you’re that committed to giving yourself what you need, everyone around you seems to cooperate without you having to verbalise it. I was too tired for that. And now I’m coming out of it with a clearer mind and heart. The effort was all worth it.
Much love to you X
I’m not talking about the laws of relativity. That was only a fraction of his work and what he studied.
Yes, the universe works on principles but the principles work through the law. There has to be a law and that law is universal, not only to mankind but to the whole of the universe which man is not separate from, so it applies to man but not only to man.
BlueRay said:I’m talking about the laws of relativity. That was only a fraction of his work and what he studied.
I only really read a few of Einstein's theories as it goes ~ the relativity and a unified field stuff, at school in physics, and bits and pieces over the years regarding science in general. I was more influenced by Tesla towards the quantum super-positioning, correlation and entanglement related stuff via Bohr, Planck and Schrodinger etcetera ~ what with standard model of physics not quite accounting for what has been found to be going on, and all that involving String and Holofield Theory.
BlueRay said:Yes, the universe works on principles but the principles work through the law. There has to be a law and that law is universal, not only to mankind but to the whole of the universe which man is not separate from, so it applies to man but not only to man.
Not quite again, being that by definition: 'A law is a rule of action that is established by an authority ~ after the constant order of a particular phenomena has been observed or experimented with in nature.' in the scientific context according to the Chambers Dictionary I think it was.
Also from the sociological context according to Wikipedia on: 'Law is a system of rules that are created and enforced through social or governmental institutions to regulate behavior. Law is a system that regulates and ensures that individuals or a community adhere to the will of the state.'
The running theme obviously is that laws are for governing people in their actions or behaviour.
But extending or projecting the notion that laws govern nature is a Roman Masoretic inheritance (not excluding others) involving the miss-transliteration of the five 'Consolidations' (as being pledges or oaths) mentioned by Jesus ~ to become the ten 'commandments' of the Masoretes (formally the Pharisees) rather than so much Moses or Jesus themselves actually therefore.
The Pharisees were really keen on editing out the Feminine from the sacred scrolls, and switching the spiritual for the material and thus the law of man replaced the 'teaching' or 'wisdom' of the wise Goddess about the loving God ~ for the sake of a wrathful god of jealousy and adoration greed.
Essentially in stating that law or laws are universal, you have as the expression goes "Put the Descartes (or the cart) before the horse" ~ as Descartes was infamous for mistaking his black for his white and thinking that because he thought he as such existed, rather than he existed and thereby thought ~ what with objects coming before subjects (in order to be named and identified) and nature (reproduction) coming before nurture (upbringing) and so fourth.
So the principles of nature give rise to the laws of (hu)man(ity) in concrete objective terms.
The description of laws is accurate. However, the natural universal laws and the commandments that Jesus spoke of are irrefutable, they are like the laws of electricity, they are exact and precise. Jesus was wholly against anybody making oaths to anybody, ever. He said to do so, you cut off your connection to your true nature.
This universe could not continue if it was not run by laws. They are what makes a tulip seed into a tulip. They are the laws of cause and effect. This was the bulk of Einstein’s work, little of which was ever published.
As for man made laws, I have never and will never recognise them as little more than guidelines for people who don’t think for themselves, they have no meaning for me. I live by universal laws and because of that, I always get whatever I want in life, whenever I want it and man made laws have never got in my way.
BlueRay said:The description of laws is accurate. However, the natural universal laws and the commandments that Jesus spoke of are irrefutable, they are like the laws of electricity, they are exact and precise. Jesus was wholly against anybody making oaths to anybody, ever. He said to do so, you cut off your connection to your true nature.
The natural universal 'principles' as 'consolidations' Jesus spoke about for your father in the heavens that a 'covenant' (or agreement) be formed with God in principle, with the first being to honour/respect the wife of him and the Mother of you ~ by aspiring to firstly love the spirit of you in the heart of you, in the soul of you and in the mind of you. This is the greatest of the consolidations. And the second greatest likewise is ~ aspire to love the neighbour of you as doing so the self of you. For on the embodiment of these dual consolidations ~ all of the teaching suspends and the prophets.
Oaths yes are not too be made, wrong word session on my part there. Jesus was not though against people making covenants/agreements or consolidations/pledges/compacts/contracts/promises, but if one's promises are made in respect of god and humans ~ breaking those 'covenants' was not advisable. Consider for instance that Jesus said: "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's; and to God the things that are God's." Matthew 22:21. Or in other words pay dues to the Father of you in the heavens and to the Mother of you embodying the society of you upon the earth.
Keeping covenants strengthens the connection to the true nature of one as a human of earth (in terms of flesh) and a being of heaven (in terms of spirit) as living in harmony.
BlueRay said:This universe could not continue if it was not run by laws. They are what makes a tulip seed into a tulip. They are the laws of cause and effect. This was the bulk of Einstein’s work, little of which was ever published.
Recalling that 'Law is a system of rules that are created and enforced through social or governmental institutions to regulate behaviour. Law is a system that regulates and ensures that individuals or a community adhere to the will of the state.' - thus it is in stating that 'This universe could not continue if it was not run by laws.' you have done the absolute classic that involves societal governance running the universe. :-)
Of course humans have not been been around long enough for laws to have had anything to do with running the universe, and if they did the universe would not exist as there would be nothing to enable no one to discover nothing and to not state that nothing ran nothing! ;-)
What makes a seed into a tulip is the principles of nature, e.g. energetic field frequencies and the geometric integrities of the atoms and molecules involved ~ which in terms of being 'recorded' systematic processes and only 'systematically recorded processes' we describe these as laws. Laws then are the descriptions of natural processes but laws are not the natural processes themselves. So basically the proofs of existential processes do not govern existence.
BlueRay said:As for man made laws, I have never and will never recognise them as little more than guidelines for people who don’t think for themselves, they have no meaning for me.
Aside from laws all being (hu)man(ly) made, mistaking laws or theories for principles is commonly and easily done, and you do recognise the laws of man ~ or you would not be using them to validate your statements, such as with Einstein's stuff for instance.
BlueRay said: I live by universal laws and because of that, I always get whatever I want in life, whenever I want it and man made laws have never got in my way.
I live by or more concisely in universal love and wisdom myself, working with needs rather than so much wants, and being that the laws of society are to protect basic rights and freedoms, and to treat everyone fairly ~ they have not as such gotten in the way of me either, as they have been really helpful in numerous ways.
DeepthoughtOh absolutely, I love human laws. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not belittling them in anyway. They are a necessity because currently, most people don’t think for themselves and until they do, we absolutely need human laws.
Like you, they have been helpful to me in so many ways and were key to me getting my clients what they needed when working as a social worker. So I’m not putting them down in anyway and it’s fun to watch as they get more severe as people are beginning to learn how to think for themselves. But it doesn’t matter how severe they get, they will eventually dissolve to the degree that people start to think for themselves and no longer allow themselves to be controlled by them, they will lose their purpose.
BlueRay said:Oh absolutely, I love human laws. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not belittling them in anyway. They are a necessity because currently, most people don’t think for themselves and until they do, we absolutely need human laws.
I am not getting you wrong ~ as I know where you are coming from, it is just that your writing style involves absolutes in the positive and negative senses. As for instance you have in different post shifted from Child ego states of mind to Parental ego states ~ where you have been stating like many do quite opposite and thus contradictory points of view at different stages.
My favourite example of me being hypocritical was as a child when I shouted at the very top of my voice that I was not shouting. I did so 'so' loudly enough I actually managed to hear myself ~ which fascinated me intensely. This was one of the many reasons that led to me get into Transactional Analysis (or TA) particularly, and psychology in general.
Now the basic model for TA is called the PAC model, as follows:
P = Parent ego-states ~ behaviours, thoughts and feelings copied from parents or parent figures
A = Adult ego-states ~ behaviours, thoughts and feelings that are direct responses for the here-and-now
C = Child ego-states ~ behaviours, thoughts and feelings that are replayed from childhood
Just as very basic guide, in that Adult ego-states deal with the here now ~ Child ego-states tend to include 'always' statements, and Parent ego-states tend to include 'never' statements, although of course there are cross overs.
Autistic Black and White Thinking involves Child ego-states getting contradicted by Parent ego-states, and vice-versa, rather than being mediated and reasonably integrated by the Adult ego-states ~ as need to be developed to become more functionally viable.
Simply learning to recognise the difference between being in Child or Parent states of mind ~ goes a long way to developing the Adult ego states.
BlueRay said:Like you, they have been helpful to me in so many ways and were key to me getting my clients what they needed when working as a social worker. So I’m not putting them down in anyway and it’s fun to watch as they get more severe as people are beginning to learn how to think for themselves.
So when you state that, "I am not putting [laws] down in any way" [P] you contradict yourself with, "its fun to watch as they get more severe" [C] which puts laws down as being severe. Then comes as follows:
BlueRay said:But it doesn’t matter how severe they get, they will eventually dissolve to the degree that people start to think for themselves and no longer allow themselves to be controlled by them, they will lose their purpose.
So in the here and now sense you write about not putting laws down in any way, then describe their severity and your hope they will become useless. Laws are not just about controlling people, for they also guide us as to how things are done for the greater good.
Ok, I see what’s happening now. We effectively live in two different worlds and we are therefore talking two different languages.
I understand what you’re saying regarding child/parent ego etc. We have a similar understanding in metaphysics but it is a deeper understanding to what you describe.
Depending on who I work with, I might use a more psychological approach, as you described, to help the client understand their situation, in the beginning at least. But always metaphysical principles, which work along natural laws, will underly everything I do with them.
For example, I work with the law of cause and effect which might at first (the cause) appear in the physical realm but I will get to the real cause.
For example, if Jo said something really unkind and hurtful to John which resulted in John being upset. John might think that Jo is the cause of his upset. But that’s not true. Jo has no power to cause upset in John.
The upset is in John and was triggered by what Jo said. If this root cause is not addressed and dissolved, John will continue to meet people in his life who upset him.
Even if he were to deal with the perceived cause of the upset, i.e. he made it up with Jo etc, he understood why Jo said what he said etc and he forgives him. A similar situation would reoccur in his life because he hasn’t dealt with the root cause.
If man made laws are made to protect people, why aren’t they working? And if man knew himself, loved himself and loved his neighbour as himself, who would he need to be protected from?
BlueRay said:Ok, I see what’s happening now. We effectively live in two different worlds and we are therefore talking two different languages.
Not quite but almost. We effectively live on the same world in two different bodies, and are both writing in English. You write abstractly using displaced concrete terms more generally, and I more generally use concretely applied terms.
Displaced concrete terms above involve describing 'talking' when we are 'writing', and living in different 'worlds' rather than in different 'bodies'.
Writing abstractly involves imagining and as above describing separate worlds and different languages ~ in your mind, rather than concretely describing being in different locations on this same planet using this same language.
If we were though talking with one another ~ we would be speaking with different 'dialects' or 'accents' (tomayto~tomahto or potayto~patahto sort of thing). Also, we are living on so very many different versions of this one same world, and sensing several more than the vast majority do - what with the sparticles, orbs, hazes and light-frequency wavelengths and all that.
BlueRay said:I understand what you’re saying regarding child/parent ego etc. We have a similar understanding in metaphysics but it is a deeper understanding to what you describe.
The Parent, Adult and Child (PAC) ego-state model is the basic introduction model for TA. In metaphysical terms we also have the model of consciousness, experience and awareness, involving the Receptive, Protective and Projective aspects of our experiential embodiments, as sensibilities, personalities or selves.
BlueRay said:Depending on who I work with, I might use a more psychological approach, as you described, to help the client understand their situation, in the beginning at least. But always metaphysical principles, which work along natural laws, will underly everything I do with them.
Metaphysicists work with the principles of nature, as which gave rise to the laws of the land, as are recorded for the people of that land, when ignorance prevails on certain matters.
BlueRay said:For example, I work with the law of cause and effect which might at first (the cause) appear in the physical realm but I will get to the real cause.
So with the law of cause and effect stating that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, you use that statement as a theme for your work.
BlueRay said:For example, if Jo said something really unkind and hurtful to John which resulted in John being upset.
So ~ Jo's unkind and hurtful wording 'caused' the effect of John being upset.
BlueRay said:John might think that Jo is the cause of his upset.
Well in the given instance there is 'a' direct link between what Jo said and what John felt, so not an unreasonable assumption on John's part in the given circumstance.
BlueRay said:But that’s not true. Jo has no power to cause upset in John.
Jo did though have the power to cause John to be upset ~ given that 'Jo's unkind and hurtful wording 'caused' the 'effect' of John being upset.'
BlueRay said:The upset is in John and was triggered by what Jo said.
Given that in the given context as described:
Power: 'the ability or capacity to do something or act in a particular way'
Upset: 'make (someone) unhappy, disappointed, or worried'
'Caused: make (something, especially something bad) happen'
Triggered: 'caused by particular action, process, or situation.'
If then as you describe Jo has no power to upset John ~ on account that what Jo said was a trigger, you have stated a contradiction in terms; as something 'triggered' is something 'caused' ~ as an 'effect' ~ rather than Jo not having the power to do so, as you stated.
I think that what you actually mean, is that possibly Jo need not have power over John.
BlueRay said:If this root cause is not addressed and dissolved, John will continue to meet people in his life who upset him.
When it comes to addressing and 'dissolving' the root cause or primary issue, dissolving it is not really a befitting term. The sensitivity or issue involves aspects of John's of psychological and physiological anatomy, i.e. ego-states or experiential fragments, which need 'resolving', in the sense of discovering or more rediscovering, the original need or purpose.
It is perhaps better to state that:
If this root cause is not addressed and resolved ~ John may continue to meet people in his life who upset him.
I changed the 'will' to 'may' in that although there is likelihood of John's behavioural pattern repeating with others ~ as you state; there are also 'pattern burn-outs' or 'habituated extinctions', as the capacity to keep going with the behavioural pattern gets worn or burnt out. Particular people as such can instead meet others who make them feel good in and about themselves.
Alternatively ~ the pattern does not get burnt out, but healed out by meeting people who have the opposite inclination to Jo saying unkind and hurtful things, such as Frank who says helpful and encouraging things.
BlueRay said:Even if he were to deal with the perceived cause of the upset, i.e. he made it up with Jo etc, he understood why Jo said what he said etc and he forgives him. A similar situation would reoccur in his life because he hasn’t dealt with the root cause.
Well the root cause could involve perhaps Negative Adaption Child ego-states, for John's adaptation at school could of been for instance to put up with and shut up about being insulted or bullied, rather than learning how to deal with it appropriately. The only release for John maybe was just to get upset about it.
Basically a Child ego-state adaptation is 'negative' in that it does 'not' fulfil the developmental need, but opposes it.
Another consideration, regarding John making up with Jo, could involve Negative Nurturing Parent ego-states, where John is supportive to Jo's plight, i.e. bad week at work, money worries or whatever else ~ and John forgives all, but the long term problem does not as such get resolved.
BlueRay said:If man made laws are made to protect people, why aren’t they working?
With laws being systems of written rules and regulations, it is not a question of why laws aren't protecting people, but why they not being respected and carried out by people. Lack of wisdom and or experience may be the simplest answer perhaps?
BlueRay said:And if man knew himself, loved himself and loved his neighbour as himself, who would he need to be protected from?
Laws as codes of conduct are not just about protection, they are more instructions on how things are done for the greater good, in which ever circumstances, whether they be foreseen, or unforeseen.