Published on 12, July, 2020
How many people take full responsibility and total control for themselves and their lives?
For example, if you are happy, sad, angry, jealous or whatever, do you take full 100% responsibility for that emotion or do you think you have no control over yourself and your life. That your feelings control you or that ‘things’ just mysteriously happen to you for which you have no control and that ‘they’ are the cause of your happiness, sadness etc?
Do you live in a world of appearances, where things outside of you have more value and control over your life than you do. Or do you live from the heart, knowing no bounds and knowing that the only power that exists in the world is that which is within you, that which is you.
I only ask because of course, being a typical aspie, I think everyone thinks like me. This has caused a lot of misunderstanding for me, and others. I now realise that the misunderstandings come from the difference in the way I see the world and processes it.
Most people I talk to think that their parents are their parents and their kids their kids etc, that love is an exclusive thing and although it’s ok to say you love your children unconditionally, after that, they pick and choose who they’re going to love as if it’s something they have and will only give it to people who meet the mark.
They think that when they forgive somebody for some wrong deed or other, that they’re forgiving the person, not realising that the bad feelings and thoughts were in them, they are the ones who need the forgiveness, not the other person. What’s the other person going to do with your forgiveness anyway? Is it possible to pass it on to them?
I’ve realised that I think very differently to most people. Well I kind of already knew that, but not quite to the extent that I understand it now.
My realisation means that I’m less inclined to make any efforts to mix with people (I mix with aspies at my autism group, I’m cool with that) but for most others, apart from the random strangers I love talking to, I’ve decided, I’m off the hook, I don’t have to make an effort anymore, we speak different languages, we live in different worlds, or at least different dimensions, so any level of communication is going to create confusion, on both sides. It’s like one side is speaking Japanese and the other German or something, two totally different languages.
How utterly delightful, I no longer need to make the effort, how sweet
I don't think all people "take full responsibility and total control for themselves and their lives" but I don't think that's a choice for many people. I see it as an insight, if you will, that we 'grow' into.
I think the ability to recognise that we HAVE full responsibility for our lives and ourselves comes with maturity, confidence, and experience. Once we gain those things, and then that insight, we learn to then TAKE control of ourselves and our lives. That's how I see it anyway and it's been that way in my experience.
I don't think age has anything to do with that process as each person matures, grows in confidence, and gains experience in different ways and at different rates and times. Some people may reach this level of self-awareness and 'world' awareness (or perspective or reality mindset or whatever you want to call it) in their teens, some not until their 60's, and most of everyone else comes to this state as a gradual process sometime in-between. (Some never at all.) I also don't believe the process is ever complete.
I have reached that point (or insight) in my life a few times in the past then either I, or my life, or my circumstances, change or I learn something new and I have to start again. I take the new information on board and I move forward with it. Some of my previous insight will be either absorbed / accommodated into this new one and some will be discarded as no longer relevant / useful. From the mix, a new insight will eventually be reached and so on and so on. Lifelong growth, as I see it.
I think someone can be supported to this realisation (somewhat) but I don't believe that insight is something that can be taught. You can't teach someone experience, for instance. (People don't generally learn from other people's mistakes, as any parent knows!!) Anyway, self-awareness and self-discovery are just that - things only you can do for yourself in the end (or not).
I do believe that once a person has these insights, it makes them feel more connected to other people in some ways. Or maybe just more tolerant of them because they realise that none of us are infallible. I'm not sure. I think everyone's take on that is different and changes as their own journey develops. At some points in my life I've felt more connected to other people than at others.
PHEW!!!!
(This is hard work to formulate as actual words, rather than just the thoughts or feelings that I usually experience these things as.)
Feelings? As in emotions? I do believe that we are each entirely ("full 100%") responsible for everything we feel. Someone else doesn't MAKE me feel happy, sad, embarrassed, angry or whatever. If I feel those things, it's because I've allowed that person's actions or words to affect me like like that - I've made myself feel those things or allowed the words or actions to affect me like that.
The thing is, I'm not walking around the world with a shield around me the whole time, so there are times (maybe I'm tired or feeling down or just not feeling very strong one day) when I'm vulnerable to other people's words or actions and (without knowing it) I allow them to make me feel ...... whatever it is. Once I'm feeling strong again I can rationalise that these things aren't important and I can regain my equilibrium but IN THAT MOMENT those things have affected me. I see that as normal, just a fact of our interactions with people and things. I wouldn't want the shield up against these feelings ALL of the time because it's through our interactions with the world around us that we CAN learn from things and go on to grow from them. Good and bad. I wouldn't want to only have my own self-generated feelings and no others from the effects of the rest of the world as I think that would mean that i would eventually stop growing and learning.
Does any of this make sense? Was this what you were asking?
I'm going to take a break here. I don't normally talk about these things with other people and it's making my brain fry a bit.
To Be Continued ....
WoW thank you Endymion, that’s exactly what I was after. Everything you said made total sense and I agree with everything you’re saying. You’re speaking my language. Thank you. I know it gets overwhelming so thank you for that.
I’ve spoken to many people in the ‘spiritual’ circle, including those who are on the spiritual path but don’t know it and I am continuously disappointed when I soon find out that they’re not speaking my language at all. They’ve simply learned a new language, from books etc, one that I didn’t realise was out there, but which I have since discovered.
But you speak from the soul. It’s refreshing to speak to another kindred soul. We’re all kindred souls, I know that, and no one is better than another, not ever. Even Jesus was no better than the next man and he even said, you will do greater works than I. But it is nice to hear from someone who speaks my language. It’s equally good to hear from others, who don’t speak my language, as that is just as much help to me.
I’m not to well at the minute. I had a meeting at the university today for the masters degree in autism, but I couldn’t make it. Just the thought of going to the meeting has made me ill so I guess I’m not ready yet. So I’m just having a lay down and sleep to help my head stop hurting so I’ll read the rest later, but thank you so much, I thoroughly enjoyed reading what you said, it made total sense and I agree with all of it. Thank you