I would love to feel normal and to be able to think and do things and not zone off in to my own world as if I am living from the outside looking in. Normal tasks and progression Just seem mission impossible for me
Surround yourself with autistic people. When I do that, I feel normal, and happy.
I get where you're coming from Rose, I really do. I spend a lot of my time looking at NT's and wistfully dreaming what it would be like to live in their world.
The one NT trait I envy is their seeming ability to tackle life haphazardly with an air of laissez faire.
Of course, the one thing that scares me most about NT's is their seeming contradiction - whereby they'll state one thing, yet do another, or claim one personality characteristic, yet display the exact opposite! They seem happy living within contradiction, whereby I thrive on consistency - where I'll stick to behavioural patterns simply to be consistent (I like to romantically and poetically consider this as "having the courage of my convictions."! It's not true, but it's a nice lie to tell myself for being so stubbornly repetitive).
So, in what specific way would you prefer to be more normal?
Blueray: < laughing > I like your idea of surrounding oneself with autistic people. As much as that seems a bit like cheating, it would admittedly be a welcome relief. Alas that I don't actually know any autistic people!
Nt people only feel and appear normal, because they’re surrounded by other nt people. They wouldn’t feel so normal surrounded by nd’s. It’s not cheating to be surrounded by nd’s, it’s the only way to feel normal and we deserve that. Looking at nt’s and wishing we were more like them is both pointless and not true, we wouldn’t want to be like them with all their inconsistencies and who’s to say that they’re right and we’re wrong. Join a local autism group and if there isn’t one near you, start one, you can get funding. I’ll come and help you if you don’t know where to start. If we want to feel normal and have a normal life we’ve got to stick together because trust me, being around other autistics is a totally different experience to being around nt’s. No scripting or masking, it’s pure joy. It makes me think I’m making all this autism stuff up, until I come into contact with an nt!
BlueRay: you've got me thinking now... as after all my years on this planet, I still have never had the experience of being surrounded by a group of other ND's! I honestly have no idea what that would feel like - how the dynamics would differ.
I did try looking into 'support' or 'social' groups when first diagnosed, but there's absolutely nothing in my area for adults. And, at my age, my hanging around a load of autistic kids may just be a little bit creepy!
I get your point about arranging a group myself. Unfortunately, my life isn't at a good place to consider summit like that at present. But, my sincere thanks for your continued insight, and the offer of help.
I've been in mixed groups, where the ND representation is higher than average. And we give off invisible vibes or body language that other NDs can recognise. And we can share experiences that NTs find weird or unspeakable!