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  • Hello !

    Thought I would take you all on a little journey. Please don’t be worried about what it says!

    it is merely something that highlights how “ fitting in” is like for me.Lol. Enjoy but don’t fret I am ok.

    And so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,here it is.

    A bit random,,,,,but has anyone seen LoneWarrior?

    I was with him a short while ago but he seems to have faded away! And I just cannot seem to find him?

    I was with him just a few minutes before he took a shower! He for some reason unknown by many hadn’t bothered to shower since before Christmas?

    He couldn’t apparently see why it was necessary? Or maybe he was trying to be himself?

    He was repeatedly asked to do so and finally decided it was easier just to do it.

    well it was just before he showered that he began to fade.

    It was as he stood there I felt him start fading, I think bits of him went down the plug hole ?

    then when he got suitably dressed in the clothes that were chosen for him he faded even more. The last time I felt him was when he sprayed loads of deodorant all over himself! 

    I think I caught a glimpse of him as I walked past a mirror, It may not have been as I could see a beard that looked like his! He has been growing it since the start of Christmas. His first beard previously not grown as his OH wasn’t keen on them.

    I couldn’t say it was him however as only the beard was recognisable,there was nothing behind it that looked quite right!

    It looked more like “ LONE”

    I will come back here later to see if he turns up.

    I am sure he will.!

    He is probably busy trying as usual to be what every one wants,well,,,,,,everyone out there.

    And so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,!

    So as I said I am ok but just wanted to say how it is for him,well I think it is???

    This isn’t new, I just understand it more now, 

    For all of you who know “ ME” please don’t fret! I am really ok Lol.

    take care and I WILL RETURN,,,,,!(promise)

    ()()()()()+()x

    r-42.

    v-610.

    s-18.

    14-01-2018.

    13:12.

  • Hello Lonewarrior you felt like you washed yourself away and put on your costume to play the part expected of you and you disappeared inside the costume the bit visible to those around you. When we have lived to our 50’s without knowing why why why and we learn that why... it takes quite a long while to acclimatise to the knew knowledge, the me that isn’t really different but is completely different and so we have to give ourselves some slack. This is hard for those around us who just see the outside not the inside. It is said when we acknowledge our realisation of asd or diagnosis of it then we can go through the same stages of grief as for any loss whatever that loss maybe even though in some respects we are gaining. Plus winter/ the season/ the new year.. though we experience it Year after year it is a time of dormancy and renewal. So take care and take your time and just work on your tools in your shed or something that you feel in tune with and when you are ready come back out of the plug hole. xxx()()()

  • Oh,,,,no!

    any kind of shower fills me with dread!

    My whole body shivers and convulses as the water hits me, so many variable temperatures all at once, hot near my head,shoulders,warm on my chest and back,Luke warm on my calves,cold by the time it gets to my feet....arghhhh.

    plus vision is restricted by random unannounced jets as the shower rose blocks and unblocks.,,,,

    Strange that after a few minutes of going through all that I can start to relax,,,, my body becomes,,,,,Well,,,,,more numb to it....then the switching off fiasco!

    sudden hot to cold as it cuts out then stops flowing,I can dodge that mostly, but then the air temperature,,,,,,,oh my,,,,,brrrrr,and we have central heating?

    remove all water with flannel first.shower curtain still in place to keep latent warm air in. Step out,grab warmed towel,head first,stop any potential drips hitting my toes etc,

    wow,,,,,,sudden burst of verbal energy and I am so tired tonight......worn out!

    busy day in many ways,,must be nervous Adrenalin...phew,,,,,,rest time.

    ()()()()()()()x

Reply
  • Oh,,,,no!

    any kind of shower fills me with dread!

    My whole body shivers and convulses as the water hits me, so many variable temperatures all at once, hot near my head,shoulders,warm on my chest and back,Luke warm on my calves,cold by the time it gets to my feet....arghhhh.

    plus vision is restricted by random unannounced jets as the shower rose blocks and unblocks.,,,,

    Strange that after a few minutes of going through all that I can start to relax,,,, my body becomes,,,,,Well,,,,,more numb to it....then the switching off fiasco!

    sudden hot to cold as it cuts out then stops flowing,I can dodge that mostly, but then the air temperature,,,,,,,oh my,,,,,brrrrr,and we have central heating?

    remove all water with flannel first.shower curtain still in place to keep latent warm air in. Step out,grab warmed towel,head first,stop any potential drips hitting my toes etc,

    wow,,,,,,sudden burst of verbal energy and I am so tired tonight......worn out!

    busy day in many ways,,must be nervous Adrenalin...phew,,,,,,rest time.

    ()()()()()()()x

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