Offending people

Do you ever offend other people unintentionally, like me?

I try to live a quiet life, not bothering other people.  But other people expect me to behave in a particular way and get very upset at things that don't really concern them.  

A recent example is how I upset me sister, by not inviting her to my graduation ceremony.

Beforehand nothing was mentioned or discussed.  I never had any intention of going to the ceremony.  The idea of getting dressed up and being seen on stage by hundreds of people terrified me.  Since the ceremony was optional I turned down the invitation and the two guest tickets.

A week later I got a very distressed phone call from my sister, trying to invite herself to my ceremony.   She had assumed from the beginning that she would be invited.  

End result was that she was so upset.  I got uninvited to her family Christmas.

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  • Robert123 said:

    A recent example is how I upset me sister, by not inviting her to my graduation ceremony.

    Beforehand nothing was mentioned or discussed.  I never had any intention of going to the ceremony.  The idea of getting dressed up and being seen on stage by hundreds of people terrified me.  Since the ceremony was optional I turned down the invitation and the two guest tickets.

    A week later I got a very distressed phone call from my sister, trying to invite herself to my ceremony.   She had assumed from the beginning that she would be invited.  

    End result was that she was so upset.  I got uninvited to her family Christmas.

    From one level of perspective, it does seem odd that you your sister would be upset about not being invited to a ceremony that you did not yourself attend. If you had of gone her upset would of been quite understandable.

    From another level of perspective, N.T.'s (and otherwise) tend to invest alot of emotional energy in imagining themselves being at and taking part in future celebrations that are viewed as being collective rights of passage. So it is understandable that your sister is upset about not being included in your success involving the graduation ceremony, being that it is somewhat obvious now that she was looking forward to it and being with you as such.

    The fact you had not mentioned or discussed your sense of terror to your sister concerning the pomp and circumstance of the ceremony, this will of been part of the problem of course, as her expectations had gone the whole length of the course unabated.

    I assume she does not understand autism/asperger's syndrome all that well.

    Perhaps, as a recompense, you could see if the dean of the university would give you a private ceremony which your sister could attend, possibly?

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