Published on 12, July, 2020
Still having problems sleeping & having nightmares and reading on this website others problems with getting children to school, just brings back bad memories of my school days!
Last night I had 6 hours sleep. 3hours sleep, then 2hours in pain and watching DVDs then another 3hours sleep. So better than average. The nightmares involved engaging with two people who died years ago. Why on earth did I dream about them?
I don't drink. (Don't enjoy alcohol. )
I don't take drugs.
I don't have sleeping tablets. (Overdose/suicide risk )
I don't socialise. (Don't really know how)
My school memories are so bad, I don't understand why parents are so obsessed with sending their children to school regularly. School just made my mental health worse.
I mentioned previously that I attended 7 different schools by the age of 12. Here are brief details of my experience
WARNING this is a rant!!!!
School A.
First day was 'bad', I remember other children trying to talk to me but I understood nothing they were saying. I wet myself because I didn't know how to ask about toilets or how/what/where......I just sat there.
The next 3 years were a living nightmare. I was physically beaten every school day by the teachers for not speaking, not paying attention, not following instructions or just for unknown reasons. Apart from crying I was mute. I missed school for weeks at a time.
After long absences, the school, my parents with interpreters, eventually discovered the obvious that I didn't understand spoken English. My parents were East European refugees. So I was sent to.
School B.
My first special school. A school for kids with language difficulties. Here I was the only white kid in the school with one traumatised black boy and around 50 Asians. All shunning me and constantly referring to me as the 'englishhhhhh' got no help in this school. After around 4 weeks I was expelled. And so...
School C.
Another normal school very similar to school A. Except I was no longer mute. I was an 8 year old with an English vocabulary of a 4 year old. The violence was infrequent and I actually managed to talk and interact a little with other children.
School D.
This was a Saturday morning school that my parents sent me when I was 8. Saying that I would love being with my own people. It was an absolute nightmare. First day, teacher collected last week's homework and asked us to turn to page 29 of the book to continue where we left off.
There I learnt nothing. I was shunned, bullied etc and every time I was dragged there I was thinking of walking out into the road and under a bus , rather than going there.
My attendance was under 50% and after a year I stopped going. Another year later I was sent there again. As a 10 year old this time, starting again with 8 year olds. Again, started a few weeks late and I hated the place and I was shunned by the other kids.
School E
Was the middle school following on from school C. I found the change to a new school with new kids very difficult to handle. And after refusing to go to school for several months I was sent to.
School F
Another special school. Which I described a few weeks ago. This was a cross between a school and a psychiatric ward and I fitted in fairly well. After a year I was returned back to ...
School E for a second time. This time it was tolerable and I coped up to a point. Then
School G
A secondary school , full of problems. New school, new children who knew each other from previous schools. I knew no one. Totally alone, bullied and shunned I withdrew socially into myself.
Good evening, to all. If you are reading this, then I have successfully started a new Thread:
A Query About a Theory: Of The Mind.
... Which I was going to post here, but then thought it either to be too long a digression, or for it to be possibly misunderstood. Given further replies since I last posted (!), I see that the topic, here, is back upon schools and dreams, and I wanted to explain my own point of view; yet I saw, and so I wondered that if I said something, then no-one else would understand what I was talking about...!
So, well, there it is. If I reply further here, then it is because my thinking is in *That* way. And I discovered this approach partly from my own bad dreams. I shall sign off, now.
Good evening to any and to all... it is me again, and back here again, if that is alright? "Four Days", says the indicator, and in those four days I see that I was correct in creating a separate digression as I said, for even on my own it is indeed of a fair length (I.e. - it's long). Yet I had to explain that point of view before responding further concerning the content of DREAMS at least...
The thing is, that I did also used to be interested in the 'Metaphorical Association' (?) of Dreams; e.g. a "bad dream" = "badness in life", or "snakes/spiders/killing/scary things" = "scary/evil/treachery/problems/surmount-that-thing-in-real-life"... I was indeed interested in those sort of metaphors concerning Dreams. But then I would have Good Dreams about things which were cited as "Bad" = Snakes, Spiders, Death ... And Bad Dreams about things which are cited as "Good" = Children, Babies, Flying, Cartoon characters... And when checking in a book it would say: "Consider what these things mean to yourself !", and so then I would wonder the point of such a book in the first place, if it is only going to tell me *that*...?Concerning this Thread... the reason I left off, and then came back, to write this here... is that, in order to get rid of a lot of Bad Dreams for myself, I had to stop engaging in "Bad" things. I really did like films such as "Robocop" and "Alien", yet they *are* very VIOLENT...and once I stopped watching so much violence upon the Media (not at all an easy thing to do), then my "violent" dreams very much began to fade away.Nowadays I have "Good" things constituting my very Bad Dreams, because the Bad Memories are always stored as a Physical thing as a part of my Physical Brain. In Sleep, the conscious mind is able to "see" the Brain recuperating (resting) itself, which is a Linear Map, which links to experiences stored in the Brain, which may also link to Bad Schooling, which I also know a bit about... yet I now end this Post because it is quite long. (!) Fair play to all who fully read and understand this Post.