Recently diagnosed, can't sleep, sending a message out into the void.

Hello.

Like probably most people in the UK, I was ignorant about autism. Until recently when I met someone on the spectrum for the first time.  To me this individual seemed fairly "normal," perhaps a little odd and reserved but no more than myself.  The similarities, in fact, are very strong which led me to conducting my own research.

I have known for three months that I am somewhere on the spectrum.  And since Thursday have been officially diagnosed with high-functioning ASD.  It took me a couple of days to figure out what I was feeling.  On reflection I suppose I am relieved.  To spend your whole life knowing that there's something different about you, feeling alien and isolated and never seem to interact with other people well.  No matter how hard you try, unless you’re really drunk.  Then to suddenly find the answer and have it confirmed by a professional is quite liberating. 

To be honest, it's just opened a door to more questions and inexplicable emotions.

So far, I have told my two sisters who have been very accepting.  Unfortunately, others haven't been so open-minded.  One of my sisters has become very excited by the discovery.  I appreciate that she thinks it's amazing and is happy that I have found clarity, but she has taken it upon herself to inform other people.  People whose reactions have re-enforced the ignorant belief that any autistic spectrum disorder is an obvious disability i.e. If you're on the spectrum you either have severe learning disabilities, distinctive behavioural problems or you’re a prodigy genius.  And from some, I am patronised and pitied.  The attention is unwanted, and I feel very exposed.

When I visited a huge Waterstones, I was expecting to find a whole section dedicated to autistic research but was shocked to find only half a shelf's worth of books.  Why were they in the illness and conditions section and not the psychology section?

Only in the past couple of years I've heard that there is a misconception about Autism.  Only now I’m beginning to understand how true this is.  I don’t know if I still feel relieved.  On the one hand, nothing really has changed.  But on the other I feel more lost and alone than I was before.  And the sleepless nights have returned.  

After my diagnosis the only support I have been offered is a referral to a support group called The One Stop Shop which I have yet to hear from.  I have no idea what I’m going to do.  I hate my job and my life where it sits and need to leave but have no idea where to go as all jobs seem people focused which has always been far too draining for me.  Now that I know why and am met with mixed understanding I feel that I desperately need to get away from the people that surround me.  It’s getting to the point where my anxiety is manifesting in some very uncomfortable and almost painful physical symptoms.

So far, I have read books by women on the spectrum such as Laura James, Cynthia Kim and Rudy Simone.  I have also watched YouTube videos of Tony Attwood.  The research is on-going.  Any advice or sign-posting would be very much appreciated.

Any advice at all.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post.