Worried about son

Hi everyone, 

I hope its ok to post here. My son is 3.5 and I am getting increasingly worried about him. The main issues we have is that he has never slept well and is also very socially anxious. He was waking hourly until about 16 months old, and is still very unpredictable these days. Sometimes (maybe once a week) he sleeps brilliantly - 7pm-7am without waking. But most of the time he is up at least once, sometimes many many times. We've tried all the usual things like changing temperature, clothing, lighting, bedtime routine, food before bed, tested for allergies etc etc. We always assumed it was because he had severe silent reflux as a baby, and he's still on medication for this. Things aren't getting better though, so we asked the health visitor for advice, tried all her tips and still no success so she has referred us to a family support health visitor. 

I was chatting with this lady on the phone a couple of days ago and all her questions led me to realise that there are possibly more issues than I realise. I've been so focused on the sleep problems, that I haven't really thought about the rest. Here's the main things that concern me (I'm aware some may be normal, but just to give an overall picture).

- Poor sleep consistently for whole life

- Very clingy to me, rarely takes comfort off anyone else (even his dad). He used to regularly refuse to go with his dad or gran etc until recently, and even now if he injures himself for example he insists on going straight home to find me. If I go away for a night he does not sleep at all as he's so upset. At nursery (he does 3 days a week) there is one worker he is very clingy to too, and if she is away he has a terrible nights sleep that night.

- He is very sensitive to loud noises and absolutely terrified of hand dryers to the extent he often won't go in big bathrooms with multiple cubicles in case someone uses one. This fear seems to be getting worse.

- Although he doesn't have any obsessive interests, he does seem to have a narrower range of interests than his peers. For example, he was never interested in things like puzzles or shape sorters as a baby. He will only draw as part of another activity e.g. if we're pretending to go on a train he will draw a train ticket, but he won't just sit and draw for fun like my friends 3 year olds. He's too scared to ride on our bike seat with me or to go to swimming lessons. He has a very short attention span for a lot of activities e.g. if we go to the park he'll go down the slide once and swing on the swing for a minute then want to leave. At music class (which he says he loves) he joins in for five minutes then does his own thing or just watches.

- He is fine 1:1 with friends, but in a group situation he tends to just sit with me and not want to join in. If we go to parties he's always the kid sitting out watching. He regularly doesn't get involved in activities other kids are doing, although sometimes he does play well particularly if the activity is very physical or outdoors.   

- He hits his head with his hands or on a solid object when he gets frustrated or angry

- He is terrified of strangers e.g. if someone comes round he will literally hide behind the couch for a good half hour

Other than this he is bright, has good language skills, seems to be able to talk about his emotions (in a simple way - happy, sad etc). I think he just seems so overwhelmed in social situations though, and the sleep and noise issues etc seem to be becoming worse not better.

 To put it into context (and maybe partially why I'm worried), my dad had Asperger's, social anxiety and bipolar anxiety, and he killed himself a couple of years ago. My nephew has been diagnosed with mild autism. My husband is increasingly thinking that he might have Asperger's too (I suspect this is the case too) and I have a variety of other family members that at the very least would be deemed socially withdrawn. 

Am I just overthinking this all?