Granddaughter

Hi I have just joined the forum and hoping that I can get some help. My granddaughter has been diagnosed with Autism she is now 8 years of age. I am finding it very hard as we are getting conflicting information on how to cope with her. She is very articulate and her speech is brilliant. She relates well with adults rather than her peers. She has had lots of trouble at school hitting out when she has had a melt down. She had been excluded from school on many occasions we are getting more help now though form the education and they are starting to put more things in place. I am confused though on how to handle these melt downs and to identify what is naughtier ( I know you are not to use that word) and which is her condition. Any advice would be helpful. As a grandmother I want to do the right thing. 

  • Hello, that's certainly a problem all families go through as we tend to judge and be judged by society on the behavioural issues. The main difference between "naughty" and lack of self-control is that one is intentional and the other is not. Meltdowns, hitting etc are not intentional and require to help calm down instead of setting limits at the moment. The purpose is to help develop self-control at large instead of focussing on the meltdown behaviour itself. No one can reason when out of self-control. In my experience the punishment/reward standard does not work at all and makes things worse. Self-control is not only longer to acquire, it is also different. She is not being naughty, she is being too anxious. When anxiety has passed (it can take hours) limits can be explained in a calm way. Consider that when she fails to control herself she is likely to feel pain from guilt and shame clearly showing that was not intentional. So adding more of those feelings doesn't help.             

  • Hi NAS24844,

    There are a few pages here on the NAS website that sound like they might be useful to you.

    We have a page on extra support and help for children with ASD in the educational system - http://www.autism.org.uk/about/in-education.aspx

    And a couple with advice on managing challenging behaviour and meltdowns -

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/challenging-behaviour.aspx

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/meltdowns.aspx

    Hope these are of some use to you with your granddaughter.

    Best wishes,

    Ross - mod