Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I've never wrote on anything like this before but I'm feeling completely lost and helpless at the moment. My 3 year has just been diagnosed with autism and my 2 year old has his assessment in 2 weeks time. I need to start looking at information on autism but I honestly can't bring myself to pick up the leaflets I was given. Im terrified to look too much into it.
My 2 boys are good one to one but when they are together all I do is stop them from hitting each other. I'm just about at breaking point.
Any advice on dealing with this would be greatly appreciated.
Also I can not get my husband to talk to me about it. He's quiet anyway but I feel like I'm dealing with this on my own at the moment.
Hi there
Take your time and don't expect too much of yourself at this early stage. It's difficult to get your head around but my advice is take advice but also hang on to your own unique ways of being and your unique children. You will find confidence and understanding of autism as you go along. Take time for yourself when you can to build your strength to deal with the difficulties and extra challenges. Best wishes and don't be rushed by anyone. Normal for male partners to be in denial btw. Just depends if they ever get out of it and if you can find a way of dealing with it if they can't - but again take your time and if you can stand it let him take his - as long as he does as you need him to come on the journey with you and the children if possible. Lots of love. Gil
Hi,
It is a hard situation to get your head around, but the forum is home to many people in similar situations so you are never alone. AngelDust is spot on about loooking for local Autism charities,
They are a hugely valuable resource and can offer you fantastic help in your local area,
Also the NAS website is packed full of helpful advice, and there is a helpline, though its Monday to Friday:
http://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/contact.aspx
I have a Diagnosed 4 year old, who has 2 older sisters. My partner and I spend our weekends splitting up our 4 year old and our middle 7 year old daughter, as this is the best way to make sure they all get the right type of attention with us (parents) without feeling left out. It can be very hard sometimes, but I wouldnt swap them for the world!
The best thing I have found is to educate myself better about ASD and how it affects our families lives. The more I understand, the more I can do to help make my childrens lives enjoyable.
Having a diagnosis is a very good thing. It means whe our son starts school he will have a support network from day 1. This was a driving point in our seeking a diagnosis, and will help give our son the best chance of reaching his amazing potential, whatever he wants to do.
And not to repeat myself but dont think you are alone! If you have any questions, need a moan or just to vent, you will find there are more ears to liosten that you thought possible!
Good luck!
Hi NAS24212,
Even if you were expecting it, receiving a diagnosis for your child can be a very emotional experience. Some people liken it to the grieving process, as similar feelings of shock, disbelief, denial, loss and anger can be very common early responses. Please be reassured that these feelings won’t last forever. And please try your best to be very kind and gentle to yourself over the coming months, and give yourself plenty of time to accept, work through and adjust to the news.
It sounds to me as if you may be in a bit of shock and denial right now, which are perfectly natural responses, and these difficult feelings may be behind your avoidance of reading your leaflets and your reticence to find out anything more about Autism right now. But the fact that you are here, on this site, suggests to me that a part of you is trying your best to begin to make sense of it all, and that’s really great. Welcome.
I would suggest that you seek out any Autism charities in your local area. Local Autism charities may offer parent support workers or similar who offer home visits and who may be able to support and advise you on behavioural strategies you could use which might help you manage your boys behaviours.
Local charities also often offer parent groups, children’s groups or similar opportunities to get together with other families who are living with Autism too, which I would really recommend that you begin to attend if you can; as you will likely find that it becomes really valuable and important to talk with other parents who are going through similar experiences to yourself. Even good friends and supportive family can sometimes find it hard to understand exactly what you are going through if they have not been through it themselves, so spending time with other families who are in a similar situation and facing similar challenges, really does help.
Best of luck.