Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I was diagnosed as on the spectrum last year, age 34. At first it was a struggle, as i was convinced i wasn't autistic (I've known people with more severe autism, which had skewed my understanding of it) and the assessments would come back negative, and I'd be chucked back into the mental health waiting list cycle (I was diagnosed with anxiety depression ten years ago). It took some time to accept the psychiatrists report, but over the last year I've been able to make a truce with this part of myself. I think I flew under the radar with it because I'd learnt to hide a lot of my behaviour, or had it bullied out of me at school,and I made some great friends who carried me socially when i was older. I keep wanting to quantify myself by saying I'm not severely autistic: I've some good friends, I've had relationships in the past and a lot of the traits I associated with an autistic stereotype (I know it sounds horrible, but its only recently I got a better understanding of autism and Aspergers) I don't have. But it's this kind of reduction and 'you're fine, just walk it off' approach to mental health that's led to so many problems in my life.
If you're still reading, wow, congratulations for making it through that rant. I posted on here because I was having an incredibly trying day, mentally and socially, and needed somewhere safe to vent. Thanks for understanding :)
Hi there.
I can understand where you are coming from. I spent the best part of 12 years in the mental health system with little answers and support and was diagnosed with ASD earlier this year.
I too am still coming to terms with everything as there is so much to process in relation to everything I have been through and how unnecessary it has all been - not to mention traumatic in some cases. There is a process of healing as I feel let down that my ASD was not detected and diagnosed earlier to save me going through endless cycles within the mental health sector unsupported.
They say time is a great healer so I am doing just that - giving it time to see how I feel and slowly start to process and understand things. The mental health sector can be a bit flippant unless you are in crisis. I am a great believer in prevention is better than a cure, but unfortunately the system is rigged to function on knee-jerks and those deemed the most severe. As a result, most go unsupported for a long time and suffer as a result.
Take one day at a time. I have started to log what makes me feel good or bad or if something has set me off, so I can start to put coping and prevention strategies in place.
Thanks. In some ways I'm glad I wasn't diagnosed earlier; the secondary school I went to was a meat-grinder for bullying, and it would've been another thing to make me a target.