Restless- Waiting For Test Results

Hey everyone (I'm new here!)

So I'm in the last stage of getting diagnosed. I've done the testing and now I'm waiting two more weeks to go back and get my results. It's driving me crazy with overthinking and reliving it!!

I'm 27 years old female and I spent my life selectively mute and masking my personality, which makes me worried that the doctor will not be able to properly "read" me. I'm skeptic that in just 3 visits someone can understand me enough to properly diagnose me... people that have know me for years still don't understand me! I'm also worried that I did too well on the tests and will appear too clever or too smart. For example, I'm an artist/animator so I was able to come up with a simple problem/resolution story rather easily during the story test. The tests didn't seem hard- were they suppose to be hard? I know that the tests are not merely about my answers, but also about my behavior, but what if I sat there completely stiff with hands out of sight? I'm just concerned that I didn't appear "autistic enough". Whatever that means. Gah! 

Did anyone else have these concerns??

If anyone can give me a bit of reassurance, that would be nice. I feel like for the first time in my life I'm discovering something really important about myself, but I'm afraid that it will get stolen from me if I don't get an ASD diagnosis. I've done so much soul searching over my life trying to figure myself out and how to belong and it will be a HUGE disappointment if I yet again am "rejected". Thanks in advance. <3

Parents
  • Hi guys,
    I just wanted to come back to this discussion and say that I was diagnosed with ASD. I'd be an Aspie if that were still a correct term. This is quite a relief to finally be done with the testing and waiting. I'll go into more detail later with a new post.
    Thanks for the comments so far!

  • Hi Han,

    Well done for going through with it,

    How do you feel now?

    Have you been told about the 7 stages of acceptance after change? (Disbelief, Grief, Anger etc.) I know it sounds cheesy but it realy does happen! And its good to know its not just you!

  • Thanks, Daniel. I have much to process, but overall I think it is good.  I don't I have any disbelief, grief or anger. I'm just relieved that it is over because of all the fretting and overthinking it caused me during the long wait. It's like I've gained something. Or claimed something that is finally mine. 

    The doctor went through the papers during the meeting and everything she said fit me well. I told her I don't feel broken, I feel satisfied. Like all the soul seraching I've done during my life has finally led up to this moment. 

  • I agree 100%. I keep remember things in my childhood that make sense now. I'm really into psychology so this is great self exploration for me. I'm so eager to learn more!

    I too wish I had know sooner, but I have no regrets. I may have lacked a lot socially as a kid, but I'm glad I focused on my interests rather than troubling myself with trying to fit in. I no doubt escaped a lot of anxiety and depression because of it. 

Reply
  • I agree 100%. I keep remember things in my childhood that make sense now. I'm really into psychology so this is great self exploration for me. I'm so eager to learn more!

    I too wish I had know sooner, but I have no regrets. I may have lacked a lot socially as a kid, but I'm glad I focused on my interests rather than troubling myself with trying to fit in. I no doubt escaped a lot of anxiety and depression because of it. 

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