Adult female - told by counsellor to seek diagnosis but I'm not sure she is right or I would get a diagnosis very easily.

Hi all,

Been to 6 sessions with a counsellor/psychologist because I was struggling with health anxiety among other things affecting my general life. At the last session she advised she thought I was on the Autism Spectrum. I was not expecting this at all. I am really messed up now and unsure what to do.

I've done a number of online tests and they all show that I am close but not in the range of having ASD. I don't see the point of putting myself through trying to get a diagnosis if the chances are I will not pass the basic preliminary questionnaires. Is this all they judge you on?

Since seeing the counsellor and her telling me what she did I keep noticing my behaviour and things that upset me and make me feel awkward a lot more and part of me wonders if she is right. It's really messed with my feelings as she made out like if I do have ASD then that's the reason I might be struggling with everything but she didn't really give me any help or guidance. I have been advised that if I do have it, continuing with normal counselling that isn't specific to the condition may do more harm than good. 

From the research I've done so far I can't see me getting diagnosed very easily as I am good at a lot of the general symptoms and behaviours that show up the condition, whether I've learnt to be or I actually am good I don't know. 

Any advice or ideas what to do next? Am wondering whether to try and pay (already spent loads on the first counsellor) for another counsellor to get a second opinion and maybe not mentioning what the first one said to see if they find the same conclusion?

I phoned the GP to discuss options but twice now I've been told they can't speak to me unless its an emergency.  

Parents
  • Hi, I am in almost exactly the same position and it is nice to hear I am not the only one. As you say it has really messed with me too. I intend to go to another councellor in the future . . . I think. I have been talking with a friend with councellling experience who has been very helpful, she tried to talk me into lodging a complaint about who I went to. I emailed her with my concerns, told the councellor how much worse I felt and how uncertain, that she should have just dropped it on me even if she thought I was. She sort of apologised said she should have been more tactful, should have broached it better. But it was so carefully worded to avoid admitting any fault that it wasn't exactly helpful for me. 

    I would really love a diagnosis, just to know. But it seems to me this would be very difficult to get. 

  • Hi, after weeks of obsessing about how I was supposed to deal with it I did go to another counsellor who does specialise in Autism and she seemed quite convinced after 2 sessions that I had Aspergers… I still don't know how to deal with it. Everyone around me that I've mentioned it to just thinks I should just get on with life but I can't help being a little bit obsessed with the fact that I may be different to everyone else. It's really weird to deal with. I have gone to GP about getting a diagnosis and they referred me but nothing as yet. I'm not really convinced it will help. What traits of yours did she pick up on? How many sessions did it take for her to tell you what she thought?

  • Hi, the same about 6 like you I have that same obsessed feeling, I keep trying to put it aside my councellor friend tells me she thinks that the woman was wrong. But is not a very experienced councellor and I worry she is just telling me what she thinks I want to hear brcause she's my friend. That first councellor was wrong for me I know that, she tried to push me into a meltdown, get me to flap and things but it's just not something I have any impulse to do, I always felt that she wasn't listening and was putting words in my mouth, although she was very empathetic which was why I thought she was good. I accepted it at first I thought she must know better she is a councellor but I just don't trust her. She does not know more about me than I know about myself, I worry that I am being resistant just ignoring a difficult truth so I keep trying to fit it to myself and seesawing between the two. I think a different councellor would be good, one qualified in that area as you did and trying to seprasep that into different issues, the first councellor was wrong for me but she might still be right about Autism, although if she is, Aspergers (as it was called) is more likely I am certain. But I am afraid of that, that is largely to do with the thing's that took me to councellling in the first place, general trust problems now. l have been abused by people close to me, it seems to be a pattern, I keep trusting the wrong people, or maybe, as they try to tell me, it is my own fault and I do something to bring it out in people, they told me I deserve it, don't deserve respect because there is something wrong with me. At the time the councellor dumped that on me I was just starting to rebuild my self confidence afyer a bad life incident and that shattered it. To me it was her telling me that there was something wrong, that it was all my fault. I know that's not fair or logical, even if I am Autistic I still deserve basic respect as would anyone else with it, I would probably just have some different needs. But still that feeling of wrongness stays. And to me, most frightening of all is the fact that if I am autistic I will likely always be vulnerable to manipulation, to trusting the wrong people and I really want to believe that that is something I can get past. With that knowledge it is even more difficult to try to trust again. Which affects trying to find a councellor, that one was bad, at least for me, did more harm than good. But how can I trust myself not to make the same mistake when I go looking again?

    As for the traits she judged me on, she didn't make that clear. My accent is strange (but not unlike my families), I chose to ignore rather than respond to bullying at school, I am really not a girly girl, prefering boots and comfortable cloths, I am a big geek. I think the largest part was the way she saw me at the time, I was in what I would call walking robot mode, I was not expressive and emotionally I was nearly numb, which I thought of as burnout or depression, it definately became full depression afterwards. I was still moving still doing the things I needed to do but just dragging myself through them out of stubborness. I don't feel like that is how I normally am, although I have always been what one of my friends described as quite controlled, except on on occasions where I feel really comfortable then I can get carried away. Perhaps she misjudged me based on that. Or perhaps she's right. I don't know still confused. 

  • Thank you for these lovely words they are a comfort. I think that it is quite possible for me but I would really like to know, so I do intend, when life allows to seek out another councellor. And I would truly love a real diagnosis. I would just like to know one way or the other. 

  • Hi, I think you didn't maybe have the best counsellor, if she was putting words in your mouth and that, they aren't all great but I did respect mine. However they tell you, it is still a bombshell. Mine told me what she thought about me being on the spectrum at the end of my last session and she did say that she thought she may have left me with more than I came with. I guess she needed to tell me what she thought though and I am kind of glad she did even if she did actually leave me with a bigger problem than I came with. I would like to spend more time with the Autism specialist counsellor I found but it's too expensive so I'm just trying to figure myself out myself!
    Don't feel like it's just you on the trust problems, everyone can be unlucky and meet idiots and get taken advantage of, maybe just go with a little caution with new people you meet? It's definitely not your fault that things have happened or gone wrong at all so don't feel like that. If you look for a new counsellor try and get one that has experience with autism as some who don't, actually don't even seem to want autistic clients because they are too hard and don't open up. Look for one with qualifications maybe too, or one that comes recommended.  

    Mine didn't make it clear what she was judging me on either, but I am like you not a girly girl, like comfortable clothes etc. My counsellor actually gave me a list of things that are common in women with Asperger's and I ticked a lot of the boxes. I have a lot of control issues and get really freaked out if I am not in control of things. I'm still not sure how I'm meant to cope with my issues!

    It is a confusing time but don't feel like any of it is your fault! If we are autistic that's not a bad thing it's just we need to figure out how to make it work for us instead of against us maybe. As Dragoncat said above this is an opportunity to grow in a new way, I guess it will just take time. 

Reply
  • Hi, I think you didn't maybe have the best counsellor, if she was putting words in your mouth and that, they aren't all great but I did respect mine. However they tell you, it is still a bombshell. Mine told me what she thought about me being on the spectrum at the end of my last session and she did say that she thought she may have left me with more than I came with. I guess she needed to tell me what she thought though and I am kind of glad she did even if she did actually leave me with a bigger problem than I came with. I would like to spend more time with the Autism specialist counsellor I found but it's too expensive so I'm just trying to figure myself out myself!
    Don't feel like it's just you on the trust problems, everyone can be unlucky and meet idiots and get taken advantage of, maybe just go with a little caution with new people you meet? It's definitely not your fault that things have happened or gone wrong at all so don't feel like that. If you look for a new counsellor try and get one that has experience with autism as some who don't, actually don't even seem to want autistic clients because they are too hard and don't open up. Look for one with qualifications maybe too, or one that comes recommended.  

    Mine didn't make it clear what she was judging me on either, but I am like you not a girly girl, like comfortable clothes etc. My counsellor actually gave me a list of things that are common in women with Asperger's and I ticked a lot of the boxes. I have a lot of control issues and get really freaked out if I am not in control of things. I'm still not sure how I'm meant to cope with my issues!

    It is a confusing time but don't feel like any of it is your fault! If we are autistic that's not a bad thing it's just we need to figure out how to make it work for us instead of against us maybe. As Dragoncat said above this is an opportunity to grow in a new way, I guess it will just take time. 

Children
  • Thank you for these lovely words they are a comfort. I think that it is quite possible for me but I would really like to know, so I do intend, when life allows to seek out another councellor. And I would truly love a real diagnosis. I would just like to know one way or the other.