Our son (12) has indicated he doesn't agree with his diagnosis from 2 years ago, ( I worry he is ashamed of it, and fervently wishes not to be different) so we have followed his lead and dealt with any issues around school/anxieties as they come up without mentioning it.
I wonder if this is a common situation?
He receives and accesses (excellent) additional support at school (secondary) but I feel he doesn't accept his overall situation of having Aspergers. I'd love him to embrace it a bit more because I think he would embrace himself as a person a bit more if he did. It also would mean I could widen the support and understanding he would be able to access (like this website) which would maybe help him find pathways that could help him.
I also worry our explanation of his diagnosis wasn't as good as it could have been but now wonder if we need to talk to him about it again.
Should we *force* a discussion on him (i.e. us taking the lead) or keep allowing him to lead us (although this seems to us to limit his opportunities to develop more positively)?
Is anyone else experiencing this?
Many thanks for any response.
Yes, as parents I think we all fall into that trap, more often than we’d like to, of feeling that we’re somehow not quite hitting the mark. But you don’t have to worry about that. You’re doing a great job and already he’s coming round to owning the autism, that’s wonderful news. He’s a treasure and so are you. I can’t imagine what it must be like raising a kid on the spectrum. People tell me but going on my own experience of being an aspie kid, albeit undiagnosed at the time, it’s rarely ever easy and I doubt I could have done it. My heart grows that little bit more everytime I hear from people like yourself, who are out there, in the trenches so to speak, trying to make sense of it all and do your best in a world that appears and seems so different to what you’re experiencing with your child. I don’t think you have got anything to worry about.
It’s kind of a bit of a confusing time for most people at your age NAS36675 but you certainly seem much more aware than I was at your age. That’s a major headstart into adulthood. I don’t think you’re going to have many problems.
Hi NAS36675, thanks for your reply.
I think that's why I worry about *how* we told our son, we should have emphasised that it doesn't change him one bit, but it's just a thing he has to deal with, but now we know what's going on he/we will get understanding and support.
I think I said things things, but I wish I had reiterated them. I worry he is a bit vague about it all.
I also think it is difficult for parents/me because sometimes *I* don't know what to think - is he ok? Is he happy enough? Am I measuring his life against mine? Is it really a big deal to him?
I hope you have good people and support around you.
Thank you - that is good to hear.
WoW, you really are a truly wonderful parent EAG66, that brought tears to my eyes. And just for the record, it’s all still a bit vague to me. I’m embarking on a masters degree in autism followed by a PhD in the same subject because there is still so much more to learn, however, that’s me and my aspie obsessional nature, I don’t think it’s necessary for anybody to go to those lengths, but that’s just me. I think you already know more than enough, anything you need to learn along the way, you will, but you’ve got the most important point, that your boy is still your boy and you clearly do everything you can so he can be happy in life, regardless of any differences. Everytime I read those questions you ask yourself, I’m in floods of tears. Maybe because that’s all (without being consciously aware of it) I ever wanted someone to ask themselves about me, when I was a gold, someone to show me that much care and attention. It’s all good though because I can now give my inner child all the love and support she ever wanted. I’m gonna go and get some more tissues now! It’s a good cry!