Published on 12, July, 2020
As an adult (30) Asperger sufferer, I still struggle with being withdrawn because of the potential grief that I may recieve.
Any ideas how to help myself with this? Tired of being angry at my anxiety all the time... Medication and therapy has assisted but I'm still stuck trying to survive this horrid condition. I just want to be free to be me.
Having lost my entire PIP claim because I sacrifice myself to work, it appears that my wellbeing is of little concern to the powers that be. The harsh reality that I may as well be regarded as a write off with no chance to appeal because I'm too 'weak' to protect myself from life without a fakehood is a sickening afterthought.
I'm looking for something better than this.
I'm struggling at the moment with toxic emotions towards narcissists, (my mother being one). There seems to be this consensus that normal people (NT) love to use hateful people to hurt one another through proxy to make space for themselves. I'm finding it incredibly upsetting that I may not survive dealing with others in public because of it.
At the moment, I feel forced to use a smoke screen to disguise myself from the mirrors of hate that they use to project onto one another. And I'm suffocating with this survival mechanism.
I currently live with my father and working towards independence. But I'm starting to wonder if it's going to be worth it because I feel like damaged goods at this point and may slip into a deep depression again because of the lack of inner security.
I need a cure more than ever so that I may pursue apathy towards this hostility like a normal person, because being stoic is too passive of a defence against these active terrorisers.
I don't want to turn on myself again for not being able to cope. Please advise on what I'm suppose to do to help myself. Self care has gone out the window and with it my confidence that I may not be able to overt a catastrophic meltdown of diminished responsibility.