Reading matter required please - the emotional rollercoaster

Hi Im the BF of an aspie GF. She is amazing and I adore her. After months of research I understand she is definitely Aspie, as does she, but she is only 'Aspie light' if that makes sense. 

She is great in groups, and general interaction, and in our relationship she is loving (relatively), tactile, sensual, and thoughtful (mostly) but all that exhausts her obvs.

Having been with her 2 years I can absolutely see the traits, and I can deal with most of them, indeed I love being able to support her and make it generally a bit easier, however....

The big issue that is threatening our relationship is the emotional rollercoaster.  Example, went away at the weekend, friday eve was great, really great, saturday was ok, with some difficult moments, and Sunday was a disaster.  Now don't get me wrong i don't want flat, but its as if we have a great day and then she almost looks for issues the next day until she finds reasons to kick off and put me down. Occasions that on a good day she would ignore or laugh at, but on a bad day are almost terminal.

In these situations I have learned to step away and give her space (we don't cohabit) and guess what, a day or two later I'm Mr good guy again.....with little reasoning, sh just says well it was difficult but I'm feeling better now.... (me, I'm left feeling shot to pieces)

Anyway, because she is pretty amazing I really feel this is something we can tackle, if I can get her to see whats happening, and the pattern, as we have with many other things, I recon she will be open to accepting her role in it (I already accept mine) and maybe we can start to find some better coping mechanisms.

The start of that road I think as we have done it previously, is for her to read some stuff related to this specific issue, but I'm struggling to find any.

Anyone out there have any recommendations please???

Thank you all x

Parents
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  • First off, good on you for valuing your GF enough to want to help. As the Aspie girl of an NT guy, I know full well that it can be hard work sometimes (in both directions).

    Has your GF been diagnosed with Asperger's, or is this what she thinks is the source of her traits? She may well be right, but I am told that there are other things where there are some traits in common with AS, for example bi-polar disorder. It may be worth seeking expert advice simply to establish that you are trying to address the right problem!

    Just a suggestion, but you said you went away at the weekend - could 'too many changes' have been behind some of the outbursts? I know that I personally am a big fan of predictability, and travel/new places/unfamiliar environments are all quite unsettling to me. Might she have been stressed and responded by lashing out?

    I believe that some professional services offer couples' sessions, particularly to help in situations where one partner has an ASD and the other one doesn't. It might be worth investigating if that might point you in the direction of some good strategies, particularly if your girlfriend is happy to try it. 

    Good luck, and I am sure she appreciates that you care this much, even if she might struggle to show it sometimes.

Children
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