New member, adult assessment

Hi,

I'm new here, and came to this website because I've got some questions.

In September last year my depression relapsed again for the third time in three years. I went to my GP and she referred me for psychological assessment. At the assessment the psychologist referred me for therapy for my depression and anxiety but also referred me for an adult autism assessment. I thought nothing of the latter until the letter came through offering an appointment.

I attended the autism assessment this morning, and won't learn the outcome for a couple of weeks. But I don't know what a diagnosis (or non-diagnosis) is going to mean, and how it can help. I know I think differently to other people and struggle with some aspects of social interaction, but I work full time, I've got a mortgage on my own house, and I've learned to cope with being social. I'm 43, I'm just not sure how it's going to help make a difference either way.

Graham357

  • Hi Graham 

    How did I decide on my line of work for setting up my own business? 

    I have an obsession, for getting to the root cause of anything and everything and I have a special interest in the human mind. I enjoyed my work as a social worker and I particularly enjoyed working as a mental health practitioner. I was basically doing the job of a CPN (community psychiatric nurse), apart from giving injections, and it became apparent, very quickly, that not only did I work differently to everyone else, I was also getting good results, in that I was actually helping people. However, it was so draining and I couldn’t keep it up. That  contract was for 6 months only and although they tried to get the funding to keep me on, I knew I couldn’t do it for any longer, it was too exhausting. 

    Around that time, I was so exhausted one day that I just took myself to bed and decided to do nothing but read and sleep. In my reading I came upon the word ‘metaphysics’, and within about 15 minutes of reading that word, I had googled it and found a course teaching it. 

    I felt like I had found what I was looking for. I have previously studied Ayurveda, an ancient system of health and well being, originating in India. And although I love Ayurveda, and live by many of the principles, I knew I was more interested in the ‘mind’ side of things, and Metaphysics filled that gap. 

    I soon realised that the way I had been working with my clients, and with myself, was through a metaphysical approach, so I knew it worked. So I qualified as a metaphysician/spiritual type counsellor with the intent of setting up my own practice. 

    This shouldn’t have been too difficult, but no matter what I did, I wasn’t getting any closer to realising that dream. This turned out to be a good thing as it highlighted gaps in my ability to process, understand and connect things together and lead to me getting a diagnosis of autism. 

    I’ve spent the last 18 months getting to the bottom of things, and I’ve found that there are no real answers regarding autism, it really is mysterious, but now I’m getting a clearer picture of what my difficulties are etc, I am starting to work out a plan of what will work for me, working with the autism traits instead of trying to mask or overcome them. What we resist, persists, and I’ve found that to be true, so now I’m learning to embrace my autism, because treating me like an NT, never worked. 

    The first thing I realised was, that I absolutely have to have a routine. I’ve known this for a long time, but now I realise how important those routines are to me so my first job, is to re-establish a daily exercise, fresh air, walking, healthy eating regime, coupled with things I like to do. So for example, I’ve joined an art group and I’m also going to join a singing group. I can cope with interaction at this level, as it’s focussed on an activity. While I’m doing this, I’m working on my website, which will form a large part of my business. I’m going to work out, as best I can, or find out as I go, how many days a week I can comfortably manage working, without getting so exhausted that I just lay in my bed all day. A metaphysical counsellor typically charges £65 an hour, but you can charge way more if you’re good at what you do and you deliver more value. I am good at what I do so I figure that if I allow myself to take baby steps, I can build my practice up, over time, at a pace I can manage. I will be working from home, over Skype or something similar, working towards working via email. (I have a friend who has a successful email coaching business which will be better for me as I can express myself better in written words). 

    I will also have a few other streams of income, so altogether, when it’s all up and running, I will be able to provide for myself financially, in a way that suppprts who I am. I am realising that autism doesn’t go away, it is a life long thing, so I am working with it, to create a life that works for me. 

    I am no longer able to do whatever it takes to ‘fit in’ and neither do I want to but I have realised that when I’m in my own space, doing my own thing, the anxiety and struggles leave me and I can live a happy stress free life. 

    I have got a way to go to get from where I am now to where I am going, and that’s ok, because I am prepared to do whatever it takes to get me there, because it will be beneficial to me. Fitting in doesn’t serve me in the least, and I’m not going to do it anymore. I can ‘fit in’ pretty well, but apart from it near on killimg me, it brings me no joy at all. 

    I’m finding, the more honest I am with other people about my autism and my struggles, the more help and support I get. The old me/the masked me, is dying, and although there are times of grieving around that, what is emerging is an opportunity to actually enjoy a stress free life. And I’ve actually found a community of people, who are doing a similar thing to me. More about that in my reply to Ellie. 

    I guess I looked at what I enjoy doing, which is helping people solve their problems, then I started to be open to ways I could make that work for me. It’s taken me several years to get to where I am now, and although I have clearly got a way to go, it doesn’t feel like that, probably because I’ve already imagined it, so it feels like it’s already happened, it’s just a matter of putting the pieces together. 

    When I would think of how I wanted my life to be, I would take the time to imagine it in my mind. It would take a while sometimes, but when I was able to imagine it, I realised that in reality, it wouldn’t work for me. So I was able to let that thought go, and be open again to another possibility, and eventually, I found the one that fits for me. 

    For example, I’m quite an outgoing person, and more of an extrovert than introvert at times, but the truth is, being around people, particularly NT’s, exhausts me, no matter what the situation. So I realised, I have to make sure that my interactions with people, work for me and I have to make sure I get lots of good quality alone time. I’m figuring out what my fundamental needs are, both as a person and as an independent person needing to earn an income, and what brings me most joy in life and what brings most stress. 

    I know that we can monitse anything in this day and age, but what I realised was, it has to be set up to meet my needs, otherwise there’s no joy in life, and we’re not here to live a joyless life. It’s taken nearly five years, a lot of intense studying and intense inner work to get to where I am, but it’s all been worth it and probably, what I’ve realised most, is the most important thing in life is to be happy, and for me, finding that happy place was a process of getting rid of all the things that stripped me of happiness. So my life might not look like other people’s, but then they don’t have to live it, and if I’m happy, then that’s all that matters and other people will benefit naturally from that. 

    Sorry, a bit of a long explanation. I guess I was trying to show you that there is a way to go self employed, if you think that will work better for you. I’ve explored many of them and I’ve found the ones that work best for me. There are tons of other ways to make an income, I think one of the first things to figure out, is what works for us and then be open to the possibility of it happening, and it will happen. 

  • Getting a diagnosis may help you more than you think. You have clearly been trying to get a handle on your problems with anxiety and depression, but without knowing the root cause that is always going to be a challenge. Speaking personally, I have found that since my (recent, at the grand old age of 46) diagnosis, it really helps to be able to tackle the things that are a problem, from a standpoint of understanding why it's a problem in the first place.

    I also suffer from anxiety and get very tired, but knowing why has helped me already to reduce time spent in the kinds of situations that just make it worse. I also told my boss at work and it was agreed straight away that I could do another day a week from home. Since my very long commute is the most anxiety inducing thing in my life, this has made me feel better already. I think he also appreciated having a better understanding of the way I think vs the way everyone else does, and why that makes me great at some things, less suited to others (I am a programmer, so some aspie traits are undoubtedly a benefit rather than a curse!)

    All the best and I hope that the assessment will be a help to you. The way I look at it, we are getting a pretty good explanation for our lives to date, which give us a better chance of self-awareness/understanding than the average 'normally-wired' person will ever get, so we're lucky in a way! 

  • It’s fascinating that you used to be a social worker/mental health practitioner. I am a social worker now, working with looked after children. I like working with the smaller children because I find communicating with them much easier and it causes me less anxiety. This in turn has been recognised by my current line manager who has agreed to give me more cases with younger children. This generally means adoption work, which involves a lot more paperwork than other cases but I don’t mind that, paperwork doesn’t seem to bother me like it does other people.

    I have worked in the social sector since 1998 though it has taken a long time to get to the point I am at today. A long time involving being in capabilities or disciplinary three times, being made redundant from three posts (in the public sector they only really sack you for gross misconduct, you get made redundant for performance issues) and going through burnout at least once. All this has meant that I am wiser now to not repeat the mistakes of the past, and a diagnosis is only going to help more.

    I decided to disclose that I was seeking a diagnosis to my line manager because if she reacted negatively then this wasn’t going to be the right job for me. Luckily for me she didn’t. However I am conscious that the only constant in the public sector is change (something that also raises my anxiety levels) and I won’t always have the same line manager, so will just have to see how it goes.

    I have thought about setting up my own business, but have no idea what I would do. Nothing I can think of would pay enough to keep me on top of my debts (mortgage, loan, credit card etc.) How did you decide your line of work for setting up your own business?

  • I have booked an appointment with my supervisor on 1st December. He doesn’t seem to think it surprising that I haven’t started writing the dissertation yet and it’s due in on 19th January! I have also asked for a letter from my line manager so that I can apply for mitigating circumstances and hopefully get an extension on the hand-in date.

  • When it comes to reasonable adjustments such as giving you more time than other students get then it's properly true, you will need a formal diagnosis, but when it comes to other things like helping you more to get started with your thesis then I don't think you need a diagnosis really, you need an understanding supervisor... Generally understanding, I mean, of the fact that every student is different. When you do your first degree there are lots of students and you can't really expect that everybody gets treated with a lot of consideration of their needs (unless someone has a diagnosis of some sort), so things will work best for those that are "normal" and less well for others. But a master student is a bit like your child (when you are the supervisor, I mean). You want them to succeed and while you can't and don't want to do the work for them it is certainly possible to accommodate their needs much more because you are only dealing with one student. Some supervisors are good at that and feel some responsibility, others less so, hope you are lucky with yours. I'd think telling them what you think would help you has a better chance of getting you somewhere because for one thing your supervisor may struggle to guess it correctly but perhaps more importantly, if you are active then it shows you are taking responsibility for your work, you are not waiting to be spoon-fed, you have identified that there are issues and you show that you really want to do something about them. I think if you can come up with things that would make it easier for you then it is definitely worth trying to get them. Of course they can reject it, but if you don't ask for it it may look like you don't care. Goof luck!

  • Having thought about this a lot over the last week, I would really like to receive a diagnosis now. I can recognise that a lot of issues that I seem to have could have autism as their root cause. I do suffer a lot with anxiety and depression, and traditional forms of therapy don't appear to work with me. I offend easily and get told often that I am rude to people, when I am trying my best to be polite. I really struggle to talk in groups. And I get so tired particularly after days when I have had a lot of interaction with other people.

    I'm really hoping now that I get this diagnosis in just over a week's time. In a way it's not that important for me, the self realisation is enough for me, that a lot of my problems stem from autism. However my employers and my current university may require a formal diagnosis before they will make reasonable adjustments for me.

  • Hi Graham, when I realised I was autistic, last May, I knew straight away that I wanted a formal diagnosis. I felt I needed it, not so much to prove the diagnosis but to confirm it, especially when I’m telling other people. It also became apparent to me that it was actually a necessity as I have been out of work now for several years. I have tried doing part time jobs that I thought I could handle, but it turned out that I couldn’t. I think I’ve been ‘passing’ for so long now that I can’t do it anymore and to be honest, neither do I want to. Now I am beginning to understand the situation better, I am able to make plans to create an income in a way that suits me, although at present, I just need time to process the diagnosis and steady myself. Deciding to get a diagnosis is such a personal thing and I don’t think I really thought about it too much or what the benefits would be but I’m realising that the biggest benefit to me, seems to be that I feel like I’ve been given ‘permission’ to finally be me. For me, this is life changing, it’s forcing me to really think about what it is I need and want in life and what I can give, without burning out and falling into depression and burnout. As I’m working that out, I can  ask for the help I need and the formal diagnosis is supporting that and it is preventing me from falling back into what I’m good at or rather what I’ve done, what I’m used to, which is social worker/mental health practitioner, because even though I’m good at the job, as in, I’m good at working with the clients, the rest of the job is just too much for me. I’m working towards self employment/business owner as a metaphysician but I’m going to need support to make that happen as well as a good understanding or a better understanding of what is my ‘autism’ and what is me, so I can work with it and focus my attention on the positive aspects instead of trying to make myself fit into a box that wasn’t designed for me. I trust you will come to the right decision for you. 

  • Apologies, I did not notice that the bracket and full stop had been included in the link. The link is:
    https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/multipage-guide/employment-workplace-adjustments

    I have tested the above link and it works. I have also corrected the original link.

  • Hi, unfortunately that link didn’t work for me. What sort of things would count as reasonable adjustments?

  • Hi, if you get diagnosed then you should be offered a few counselling sessions with someone specialising in ASD, so that may be a good opportunity to figure out if there is anything in your workplace that could be made working better for you with some relatively small changes (the reasonable adjustments caretwo mentioned). That would be positive for both you and your line manager because it may make you more productive. If your job requires a lot of working with people than to stop this may not really be reasonable (unless it is a large company where they could offer you a totally different job) but for example things that cause distraction could be reduced or you could have some guaranteed "people-free" time every day when nobody is supposed to interrupt you if you also need to do that sort of work.

    Regarding the master thesis the benefit could be quite big because the risk of having requests turned down would be a lot lower, but I guess it will come a bit late for this, you probably need to submit sooner, isn't it? Your problem isn't a specific ASD problem though, but struggling to see the bigger picture and to organise oneself are not helping. Do you think you can discuss this with your supervisor? You could ask for them to help you with breaking things down into smaller bits. Come up with a framework together. They will probably ask you to do that yourself first and then discuss it with them. If so, instead of trying to get it perfect and potentially getting stuck I would suggest writing down what comes to mind quickly and then discuss it with the supervisor because you may come up with that "perfect" framework much more easily when being guided a bit. Maybe ask them then to request drafts of those smaller bits, one by one. You need to be a bit proactive there or some will think you ask for being spoon-fed. It is definitely something I would do for my master student (even without it being requested if I noticed that she struggles to get started). It is so much easier for a supervisor to have that bigger picture, I think any master student is allowed to need that help. Also if you do it for the first time it seems like this really big thing, like a massive ball and you just can't find any corner where you could grab it.Personally I would suggest starting with the easiest bits, describing the methods for example (if your work is of that sort), because this is what you have done, so you only need to write it down. Things do get easier when you are not sitting in front of an empty page anymore, especially if there is a framework to fill in. When writing papers I try to finish the day with a sentence I know how I'm going to continue from there for a few more sentences, that helps with getting started the next day. And don't worry about fine-tuning, you can do this later or when you have a bit a bad day because revising something that's already there is a lot easier than writing it from scratch. 

    Good luck, hope both your boss and masters supervisor have the understanding for that!

  • From an employment perspective, a formal diagnosis will enable you to ask for reasonable adjustments to help with your work (www.equalityhumanrights.com/.../employment-workplace-adjustments).

    There are also benefits to a formal diagnosis which you have not considered. For example, when I needed weekly blood tests the system was first come, first served (a terrible system for someone with Asperger's). I mentioned to my care co-ordinator the anxiety this was causing and she suggested I mention I have Asperger's and ask for a time slot. I spoke with the phlebotomy department's receptionist and, whilst she could not allocate me a time slot, she arranged for me to be seen straight away each week (this was almost the same as a time slot as I reached the department at the same time each week).

  • Hi, thanks for your reply. Having read some information about autism on this website and forum I am finding quite a lot of synergy with my own experience. My full time job involves working with people and I'm usually falling asleep in the car on the way home, let alone when I actually get home. While I am university educated I have a long history of not living up to the expectations of education professionals and teachers, particularly with regard to self directed study (such as writing the masters degree dissertation I'm supposed to be writing but have still yet to start). And I have been in capabilities (pre-disciplinary for low performance) at work more times than I care to mention.

    I had to take time off from work to attend the assessment yesterday and I was honest with my line manager over the purpose of the assessment. She wasn't hostile but she didn't show a lot of understanding. She asked how a diagnosis would make any difference, and I had to admit that I didn't know.

    Graham

  • Hi Graham,

    Sounds like quite a sensible psychologist. Autism (especially mild versions) often comes with anxiety and depression, so it's probably a good idea to figure out if that is the cause of it (for example stress caused by spending a lot of energy to fit in). Some common therapeutic approaches against depression and anxiety also don't seem to work particularly well with autistic people (I'm not basing this on studies, just on experiences people have written about). So if you are autistic they may have to adapt their approaches somewhat and recognise that there are things that can't be changed, so rather than trying to make you change them anyway they would perhaps focus on coming up with ways to better deal with them. I hope that would be a possible conclusion anyway, because it seems a lot of counselling is rather inflexible and if you don't respond well to the one-fits-all approach then it is seen as your fault because you don't cooperate, presumably because you don't want to get better.

    So I guess if you get diagnosed with autism not much is going to change otherwise but perhaps that therapy for depression and anxiety has a better chance to really help you and you (and possibly others) may start to understand a thing or two about yourself.