Recently diagnosed, dealing with flashbacks(?)

Hi Spotty, yes, this menopause business...It's hard to pinpoint why I'm so certain that it has made a difference to my aspie traits but I'm sure it has. I don't know if being so ground down by the physical 'symptoms' has made me less able to cope with having to mimick all the time.

I also wonder if having such severe hot flushes has given me an excuse/reason to withdraw from what last shred of social life I had.

But the link seems more fundamental than that somehow.

I am less and less able to do the things I used to do. Especially if they involve other people. BUT most of the time I don't care about that and am fairly content just pottering about the house and garden. (Which is all very well if I don't think about getting older or having hospital admissions or other major things I can't control).

I'm sorry you've been 'see-sawing', it's very hard to deal with. I do hope things will settle for you soon. I am incredibly grateful to have found you people here.

Can't speak for the others but despite the things I experienced  trauma-wise, I don't come close to PTSD diagnosis. They said my PTSD symptoms were more consistent with folks in the spectrum who've handled trauma, so an independent PTSD diagnosis wasn't necessary. That being said, the flashing back didn't actually start until the lengthy assessment time frame was done. It appears my mind is now ready to deal with mysterious events I wasn't able to process young.

for me the flashbacks were worse when they first came back and when the cptsd is fierce.

the more love, care and understanding poured in at the time the stronger and happier I get - I really hope it's the same for you

yes it does - understanding of yourself with love and compassion helps me - I'm not a child now so can understand it wasn't my fault - when I close the flashback up again I can now put love and protection in there - it never should of happened and I'm so sorry - I know you'll get stronger and happier - you deserve it

Funny, you and I seem quite sure that the menopause has kicked things off beam in an irreversible way.

My thinking goes from optimistic to utterly hopeless and I'm not finding any stability at all. I don't think I will until there is a diagnosis, but it annoys me that I can't take my own validation as good enough.

At times I replay past inappropriateness but mostly I think I'm resisting going there now.

Some of the above comments sound like PTSD, have you people asked the question?

Thanks so far it's been great, especially responses like yours. Feeling less oddball already. :)

Hi Amber, I am self diagnosed, as of a couple of months ago; it would be really difficult for me to get an'official' diagnosis as the mental health services where I live are almost non-existant now. But I don't think it would be of much practical help to me anyway. I understand what you say about it getting harder to camoflage as you get older. I'm in my fifties and the menopause really brought it to a head. So I've stopped working, it was too tiring and stressful and I was being bullied and boy am I grateful to be in a position where I can withdraw and get some peace.

I do feel sad sometimes about how my life has been. And embarrassed... I suppose I must have been pretty 'inappropriate' in one way or another in my time! Also, as I've been reading stuff about autism it dawned on me that as some of my family members work in mental health they may have drawn their own conclusions about me.

I will say that finding out more about autism has been a relief  -  I no longer reproach myself for being bad/stupid/lazy. I do hope you will find some positives yourself. This website has been an enormous help to me and I hope it will be for you.

Fuschia, do you still get feeling sad or embarrassed about being different?  I get feeling embarrassed still but that is because no one around me knows the diagnosis. It would be neat to learn other people's quirks; maybe reading that book will do the same for me.

I read an NIH article that discussed hyper-systematizing as being the tendency for folks on the spectrum. This is of course what I do non-stop but the surprise was for me to learn others really don't. So, systematizing, plus sensory overload, plus translation into and out of words during social interactions.. mental exhaustion is now explained :)

As I age, I am less able to camouflage; people can see the gears at work. Awkward.

My brain seemed to start making a catalogue of experiences as soon as a began reading Laura James' book Odd Girl Out. Just recognising some of the experiences she writes about - " Yep, I do that, and that, and that..." and carried on for days, remembering things! Then settled down. Not as disturbing as your more 'sensory' PTSD recall (if I can put it like that) Amber. More just a case of feeling embarrassed and depressed really.

Encouraging :)

Same. A refactoring process for me. Silly simple things I got scolded or correct for as a kid.. like obsessing over clothing tags, crying when I had to endure the vaccuum cleaner noise, knowing in sort of a factual way that people were talking but not hearing it as words etc. and then getting in trouble or offending someone for 'not listening' well enough. Lots to understand differently. Same person as before the diagnosis, but no longer have a random list of seemingly unrelated oddities.

I can relate to the mental overtime. Typically I research topics to death. The new topic is autism. The turret is turned inward!  I am newly diagnosed and same age as you. It's like having to refactor everything to understand it with a new lense. Snowfield I do believe it will indeed calm down; I have to believe it :)

Thanks - similar to me. I am literally back in time at those moments.  I aim to heal no matter what it takes. It takes so much tho.

Me too. Though my diagnosis was a year ago so it has settled. 

I get this a lot, even more so now when I have to think back and remember things from my past. More and more stuff keeps emerging and I get quite distressed from it. I'm hoping it will subside eventually

I have flashbacks when opening up the past - I can see, hear, feel and smell the situation just as it was - the thing I deal with more is intrusive thoughts - usually another person's incorrect opinion, or abusive vue on me or something I apparently did wrong.

now I'm trying to build a new life without these people.

please be kind to your inner self that's trying to heal - those people and experiences for me were wrong and painful - so it takes time and care to remould it - I hope your healing goes well x

Yes, every hour nearly, it is painful and hard to cope with. I have just had the diagnosis and its like my brain has gone into overtime trying to help me understand and make sense of so much

I have been told it will calm down but will take time

I can't wait, its exhausting

Hope it calms down for you soon too

As if we don't have enough to cope with !!