HELP ME PLEASE!!! Surely I can't be the only one???

I am so unhappy at the moment. The reason is money, to be specific budgeting!! I am so rubbish at it, (I am on the benefits system AGAIN!) I make the same mistakes over and over again. (Decade after bloody decade!! Fortnight after Fortnight!!) End up running out of money, and having to either borrow some money or sell something (like a junkie.)  Its like a OCD thing, a compulsion to wreck things financially whenever I can.

The problem is I am now feeling so low, negative and wishing I was dead. Is this common with people who have Aspergers syndrome? I want to cry, I want to die, I want to poke myself in the eye. I don't self harm other than over-eating, or eating food that upsets my bowels and stomach. 

Do you know is this is something I can be cured of? It does not bode well for a good future for me, yet I am positive it is a brain malfunction thing. I so want to do better, I just can't I don't know how. It is so damn frustrating, it is driving me to tears literally!!!

Am I the only one who suffers like this? Where should I turn to for help with this? Can anyone really help me??

  • Is it because you spend too much on things you don't need, or do you spend too much on things you need?

    If the former, don't give yourself the opportunity to spend. Leave your bank card at home and only take the cash you specifically need. Don't go shopping when you're hungry, because that makes you buy stuff you don't need. If you eat out a lot, try to cut back on that. If you smoke, stop, because that's just throwing money away on something that will destroy your health anyway. Same with excessive drinking. Also, it sounds as though you buy food that you don't need or that is bad for you. Try to cut back on that. Make a grocery list beforehand and stick to it.

    Spending money can be an addiction, so think about whether that applies to you, and do what you need to do to stop yourself from buying things you don't need (by making lists, leaving the card at home, etc.).

    If you don't have enough for things you need, then I'm not sure what to tell you. That's not really a budgeting issue and it's definitely not your fault.

  • It does take a bit of getting used to. 

  • It is all sinking in at the moment.

  • Congratulations!

    (Assuming that your diagnosis is a good thing for you? It was for me.) 

  • Its official now; Hendrow is diagnosed as being Autistic.

  • Rainbow Eyes, I wrote this in 2013 I think, I find it 'therapeutic' to 'talk about it' by writing it down, it more often than not presents itself as a poem. I am discovering that others too find it helpful to read. I am therefore writing more and more nowadays.  The plan is to get it published, then I will be 'semi-famous' people will be able to say that they first met me on here. (A Genuine Smile, grows across Hendrows face.) I will take that question as a compliment too Rainbow Eyes, Thank You. 

  • Smiley great poem! did you write it yourself?

  • Speaking of my being pressed down, or should I say depressed. I hope y'all enjoy this. . . . . . .

     

                 PRESSED NO MORE

    I will not be pressed, pressed more.

    Of that I am certain of that I am sure,

    It’s not hiding behind the curtain or behind the door,

    I cannot be pressed down, down to the floor,

    Have I found the answer do I know the cure,

    Happiness, peace and love have a certain allure,

    Order, click and pay, that’s what I am waiting for,

    Life’s happiness and joy’s are what I have in store,

    Being pressed down is a thing I abhor,

    I can say with confidence, I can say for sure,

    I will not be pressed down, pressed no more,

    Tears have dried up and love begins to pour,

    Agape, Eros or even Amore,

    looking back with love no reason to be sore,

    Living like a king, being a moor,

    Treated like a king, by those I love and adore,

    I will say it again I know you heard it before,

    I will not be pressed down, pressed down no more,

    I have those I love, a reason to live for,

    The power of love leaves me in awe,

    The more I give, I get, in every cell, in every pore,

    My wounds have healed, they are no longer red raw,

    I came I conquered, oh yes I saw,

    My new life on the road, yup  . . . I am on tour,

    Life lived to the full cannot be a bore,

    It’s as easy as counting from one through to four,

    Deal with imperfections do not mask a flaw,

    You will get directions that you should not ignore,

    Love, truth and honesty will open many doors,

    Sometimes what you see will make you want to pause,

    To live your life happily - you will have to find a cause,

    Prepare for a battle, but you will . . . . win the wars,

    I have told you what my future holds, now tell me about yours . . . . .

    And when you are finished, I will give you a round of applause.

     

    Yours Most Sincerely,

    Hendrow.

  • I do eat really well, (well, except when I eat badly. lol   Damn that Ronald!!)  My housing is my main concern, and coming to the realisation that I will need some kind of assisted or supported living. I am hoping that my social worker will help me make it down that route. I don't want another attempt at making it on my own, 20+ failures in the last 30 years is enough for me to now admit, that I cannot live on my own.  

    Thanks again.

  • Thankyou, Rainbow eye's.

    Simple but effective, I have many new skills to learn. Smiley

  • About the depression...I think having things under control will help with your mental well being. You've been worrying about your finances, which will be contributing to your stress. 

    Also, you mentioned eating issues. Nutrition is so important for our brains to work properly. I've been reading this book:https://www.amazon.co.uk/Could-You-Overcoming-dyspraxia-Tourettes/dp/0753513390 which has a good section on nutrition for people with autism etc.

    Take control of what you can. I understand it can be so difficult, but you need to give yourself the best possible chance. 

  • You need to be organised. Lists are your friend! If you honestly want to control your finances I recommend making an easy, basic budget plan. Write down:

    1. how much money you have coming in

    2. How much money is DEFINITELY going out e.g bills

    Then see how much you have left over, so you will know exactly how much you can spend until your next pay day.

    I write down everything I buy each month. If you do this you can look back over the list at the end of the month and see where you're going wrong/wasting your money.

    It's also a good idea to take all of your benefit money out (I'm guessing you get paid 2-weekly) so you physically have it and have to hand it over each time you buy something. When people rely on cards it can sometimes not register that this is actual money.

    Good luck!

  • sox is nice and short :-)

    Thinking about your depression is never going to be a good thing. This is a statement of the obvious rather than advice to go and think about something else. If you could think about something else you would so it is obviously a piece of advice that is worth almost nothing.

    An autistic life can take you to dark corners as I said before. But also, an autistic mind might not be the most stable and considerate of minds. I don't know how one can really know whether one's black dogs come with the life or with the autistic mind. In my case I have got to a happier frame of mind - my father on the other hand never let the dog go. I suspect that our minds were more similar than I ever thought when he was alive so I suspect that a lot of people who think that they have a chronic condition have not managed to let the dog go and run free.

    Food/intestines is thought to be a link to autism. Dr Wakefield was chasing that idea when he decided to fabricate his evidence about MMR etc. The fact that he was found to be fabricating evidence does not mean that there is no link between some people's autism and their guts. I have been aware of my autism for 3 years now and have thought about the food connection quite a bit but by no means sure that I can change my thoughts by changing my diet. On the other hand, a healthy diet (whatever that is!) is likely to make anyone feel better so I think that being good to your self via your stomach is a good move.

  • 32 minutes ago

    Recombinantsocks, what do people call you for short? With me it is often H. lmbbao Stuck out tongue.

    But seriously though, I feel both suicidal and depressed, more often than not. (On a daily basis.) Please allow me explain. I have only 'acted upon' those thoughts once in my life, intended ironic puns. I am glad to report that I failed miserably in my suicide attempt. I am laughing thinking about the ramifications now. Its not like buying some shoes and changing your mind about the colour afterwards.

    The suicidal thoughts/feelings, I describe as the difference between vomiting and nausea. One is feeling sick, the other is being sick. Thus thinking as opposed to doing. I believe this is somehow tied in to my Autism. (My analogy - My definitions. Poetic and Creative Licence's both in use here.)

    The depression is again something that I think about, especially when I have 'failed' at something, particularly repeating the same mistakes over and over again. (Thats me, Folks.)

    I am sure that it is tied to what I eat, when I eat, why I eat too. I will be going back to the hospital soon, to see the specialists about my stomach, intestines and guts soon. I have been told that the gut is the second brain?

    What are your thoughts on this?

  • And so...

    Although as @Quirkyfriend says depression is a common bedfellow of autism it is not inevitable and it can be tackled and it can be a temporary passing condition.

    Have you tried CBT or anything like that before? It gets mixed reviews on this forum but I for one believe that it is the best way of tacking depression - it is the recommended therapy for people with autism and depression.

    And another thing...

    If you haven't already come across it, the Recovery Letters website is a thing that you might find encouraging http://community.autism.org.uk/search?q=%22recovery%20letters%22

  • That does indeed speak volumes. Wow!

  • I think this piece speaks for itself . . . 

    I hope it also speaks for others.

    Down it pressed

    18 October 2013 at 18:49

     

    Down it pressed, 2013 revised version (originally written in February 2007.)

     

     

    I need to be with those of my own kind, of the same mind,

     

    They are not easy to find, in this day and time,

     

    I need to be understood, for my own good,

     

    Like I thought they would, like I know they should,

     

    I need to see what there is to gain,

     

    Learn to lose the pain, break the chain,

     

    Not go insane, see that my life is not in vain,

     

    There is a chemical storm in my brain,

     

    I feel like I am nothing just end the pain,

     

    Cos’ I am not bluffing, I will not feign

     

    Can you decide what I feel inside?

     

    I have lost my purpose and sacrificed my pride,

     

    I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I try to cry,

     

    But I can’t even weep,

     

    I have never known a pain so deep,

     

    That makes me wish my heart would not beat,

     

    Down in the dirt, boy do I hurt, what is my life worth?

     

    You go first, it can’t get any worse, prepare the hearse,

     

    What I feel is surely real, don’t make a meal,

     

    Get on an even keel, what’s the big deal?

     

    What? Who is faking, what profit am I making?

     

    My heart, soul, mind, and body aching,

     

    Life-taking, sleep or waking,

     

    Man-trapping, kidnapping, what is happening?

     

    Strength-sapping, no foot tapping or hand clapping,

     

    I am not in to bloodletting, I do know though, about sweating,

     

    Fretting, friend vetting, betting you deserve the bad you are getting,

     

    So, when I fell to the ground did it make a sound?

     

    It didn't - that’s why there is no-one around,

     

    But when I think back, I can’t quite be sure,

     

    Am I alone because I won’t answer the door,

     

    Won’t open the post, or pick up the phone,

     

    Won’t talk to anyone – Why am I alone?

     

    Is this a disease? bringing me to my knees?

     

    I need to know . . . . . someone, help me please,

     

    Paranoia, and anxiety, my brain is just a complexity,

     

    You are annoyed at my inactivity, the wasting of my ability,

     

    I live and dwell in complacency, you show that you are vexed with me,

     

    That reinforces my insecurity, and bolsters my negativity,

     

    Multiplying the agony, and you thought that you were helping me?

     

    You might decide to just leave me be? This was part of my history,

     

    My name, is . . . . . . . . . . Hendrow Christie, and I beat it, not it beat me.

  • I agree that it is good if you realise that you are in a position to exercise choice and make a conscious decision to go forwards rather than backwards.

    One thing though, we have gone a bit off topic by talking about depression. Hendrow, do you recognise yourself as being depressed (i.e. the diagnosable condition rather than just feeling a bit sad)? We have, kind of, jumped to that conclusion but you may have other thoughts?

  • I agree. I was in a spiral of depression in my 20's. I had to decide to never go back the dark place as I call it. Any time I feel low, I come up with options to improve my predictament. Sometimes I write them down. Working towards solving a problem refocuses your brain and life doesn't feel so dark.