NT's, You want me dead, the facts:

  • You put your "self" first at my expense.
  • You enjoy the apathetic game of traumatising and terrorising those that are different.
  • The weaker I get, the stronger you do.
  • I can't escape my "self" but you can.
  • If I can't survive you, then I might as well not survive at all.
  • Exclusion because I am a problem to you.
  • You get to help yourself to me, physically, financially and psychologically.
  • My survival only really matters when it effects yours.
  • You enable each other because helping each other is seen as wrong.
  • No one wants to have a conscious because reality is easier that way for you.
  • You honeypot/breadcrumb me into situations that only helps yourselves to me.
  • Regardless if it is out of love or hate, you will continue to **** each other because you love to hate.
  • I hate your love because it contaminates my independence.
  • You encourage me to pursue a life I can't live.
  • My anxiety is targeted into manipulated and coercion so that you can be seen as the better.
  • I am my own poison because you get to feed me your poisonous ways.
  • "insert projected inflection"

The list goes on and on and on...

No wonder I'm medicated, makes me want to bore a hole through myself just for being one of you. My freedom will only come when I'm free from you for good. Hence why I know how to euthanize myself peacefully because it is my legal right to choose to do so. Any further hostile intervention without my consent will be seen as just another attack against my own capacity to dealing with you.

Want to cure me? You can start by giving myself back without the BS. Failing that, at least we can exist together without killing each other, right? Wrong! You can't because you are you. And nothing will change the existential depravity that you drive into other life. 

My path of self consumption will only end when you end your malicious ways and finally free to breath to be myself. You can hide my psychache with drugs but you can't hide me from myself. I am me, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. But I'm concerned that it maybe too late to save me from myself from future incursions. Neurosis has a terrible habit of wreaking things before the good has even begun.

Parents
  • It's difficult to know what to say. Life sucks, sometimes. But sometimes it doesn't. It's hard to know when or how things can get better when you're deep in the s**t. Hang on to whatever you can in the meantime, because you have a right to be here and you don't know what's around the corner. Don't give up. There may be some evil b******s in your life right now, but there will be people who care about you, even if you're so stressed out you don't know who they are anymore. Get whatever help you need, from whatever place you can get it, even if it's just letting off steam on a website like this.

    I don't know your personal circumstances, but I am writing as a person who once planned suicide, and seriously believed back then that my life would never improve and there was no other way out. But it wasn't true, I just couldn't think straight at the time.

Reply
  • It's difficult to know what to say. Life sucks, sometimes. But sometimes it doesn't. It's hard to know when or how things can get better when you're deep in the s**t. Hang on to whatever you can in the meantime, because you have a right to be here and you don't know what's around the corner. Don't give up. There may be some evil b******s in your life right now, but there will be people who care about you, even if you're so stressed out you don't know who they are anymore. Get whatever help you need, from whatever place you can get it, even if it's just letting off steam on a website like this.

    I don't know your personal circumstances, but I am writing as a person who once planned suicide, and seriously believed back then that my life would never improve and there was no other way out. But it wasn't true, I just couldn't think straight at the time.

Children
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