Getting Angry

Yes - as Oktanol says, a 'meltdown' (I don't like that term, but can't think of a suitable alternative).  I work with low-functioning autistic people, and there is most often some antecedent (or 'trigger') for challenging behaviour like this.  Maybe something has been moved in their room, or someone else is making a sound they don't like, etc.  It varies from individual to individual.  Sometimes they can overcome their anger or anxiety by rectifying the situation.  With others, it'll lead on to another stage, when they'll find something else and something else... escalating the anger or anxiety until there is the meltdown.  With the people I work with, this again can vary from shouting, or throwing something, to full-on kicking or hitting of something (including other people if they're in the way) or smashing things.  I have one lad who's really quite capable and has a good awareness of danger, etc - but he can switch in an instant from happy/smiling to screaming/smashing.  But once he's over that peak, he'll settle down quite quickly again.  The 'trigger' might simply be a thought that's come into his head that's been suggested by something else: for example, someone saying something that reminds him of a telling-off when he was younger.  With all of them, it's usually about fulfilling some sort of need: to get something they want, to instigate social contact, to stop something they don't like, etc.  It's a form of communication for them when other forms (speech, etc) aren't available to them.

With high-functioning people, such as myself and you, there may be more control involved.  We have a certain knowledge and understanding that might prevent the behaviour from escalating, or might enable us better to control it.  I've had meltdowns like the ones you describe, though.  I'll also have panic attacks, when I'm bombarded with information, or when I'm expected to change my plans very quickly, when my brain seems to 'freeze' - almost like I'm dazed.  Things that really trigger me to go from 0 to 10 very quickly are hitting a traffic jam that will make me late, people being rude, sudden loud noises (especially boy racers with megaphone exhausts blasting by), or some kind of injustice.  I drink to alleviate anxiety (though not when I'm driving, obviously), and if alcohol is a factor at the time - depending on how much I've had - I can become physically violent (towards objects, not people) or verbally abusive.  One example, a few years ago, was when I was living in a small block of studio apartments.  One of my young neighbours died mysteriously, and the cause was traced to a faulty gas boiler which serviced all of the flats.  I and a few others had been feeling unwell at the time, too.  It transpired that the boiler was old and hadn't been properly maintained.  I was outraged and didn't know how to vent my feelings adequately.  So I did the worst thing possible.  I got drunk... then I went down to the boiler room and smashed it up.  I was arrested and charged with criminal damage.  The charge, though, was dropped because of the extenuating circumstances.  It was a timely reminder to me about what lurks inside.  I felt tremendous guilt following that - and following other, less serious incidents since.  But, like you say, it's like something comes over me and 'fuses' all rationality.

I could do anger management courses, I suppose.  But I think I have enough insight now to know that my best course of action is usually to either escape from the situation, or minimise the risk of it.  So... I'll leave home earlier for the drive to work, when I'm less likely to be stuck in traffic.  Or I'll go shopping late in the evening, when there are fewer people about whose behaviour (jostling, queue-jumping, etc) might wind me up.  And I won't drink at times of extreme stress, when I'm more volatile, but will instead go out for a walk, or do some other form of exercise to work off the hormones.  There are all sorts of strategies like that. 

Are there any particular things that set you off?

Yes - as Oktanol says, a 'meltdown' (I don't like that term, but can't think of a suitable alternative).  I work with low-functioning autistic people, and there is most often some antecedent (or 'trigger') for challenging behaviour like this.  Maybe something has been moved in their room, or someone else is making a sound they don't like, etc.  It varies from individual to individual.  Sometimes they can overcome their anger or anxiety by rectifying the situation.  With others, it'll lead on to another stage, when they'll find something else and something else... escalating the anger or anxiety until there is the meltdown.  With the people I work with, this again can vary from shouting, or throwing something, to full-on kicking or hitting of something (including other people if they're in the way) or smashing things.  I have one lad who's really quite capable and has a good awareness of danger, etc - but he can switch in an instant from happy/smiling to screaming/smashing.  But once he's over that peak, he'll settle down quite quickly again.  The 'trigger' might simply be a thought that's come into his head that's been suggested by something else: for example, someone saying something that reminds him of a telling-off when he was younger.  With all of them, it's usually about fulfilling some sort of need: to get something they want, to instigate social contact, to stop something they don't like, etc.  It's a form of communication for them when other forms (speech, etc) aren't available to them.

With high-functioning people, such as myself and you, there may be more control involved.  We have a certain knowledge and understanding that might prevent the behaviour from escalating, or might enable us better to control it.  I've had meltdowns like the ones you describe, though.  I'll also have panic attacks, when I'm bombarded with information, or when I'm expected to change my plans very quickly, when my brain seems to 'freeze' - almost like I'm dazed.  Things that really trigger me to go from 0 to 10 very quickly are hitting a traffic jam that will make me late, people being rude, sudden loud noises (especially boy racers with megaphone exhausts blasting by), or some kind of injustice.  I drink to alleviate anxiety (though not when I'm driving, obviously), and if alcohol is a factor at the time - depending on how much I've had - I can become physically violent (towards objects, not people) or verbally abusive.  One example, a few years ago, was when I was living in a small block of studio apartments.  One of my young neighbours died mysteriously, and the cause was traced to a faulty gas boiler which serviced all of the flats.  I and a few others had been feeling unwell at the time, too.  It transpired that the boiler was old and hadn't been properly maintained.  I was outraged and didn't know how to vent my feelings adequately.  So I did the worst thing possible.  I got drunk... then I went down to the boiler room and smashed it up.  I was arrested and charged with criminal damage.  The charge, though, was dropped because of the extenuating circumstances.  It was a timely reminder to me about what lurks inside.  I felt tremendous guilt following that - and following other, less serious incidents since.  But, like you say, it's like something comes over me and 'fuses' all rationality.

I could do anger management courses, I suppose.  But I think I have enough insight now to know that my best course of action is usually to either escape from the situation, or minimise the risk of it.  So... I'll leave home earlier for the drive to work, when I'm less likely to be stuck in traffic.  Or I'll go shopping late in the evening, when there are fewer people about whose behaviour (jostling, queue-jumping, etc) might wind me up.  And I won't drink at times of extreme stress, when I'm more volatile, but will instead go out for a walk, or do some other form of exercise to work off the hormones.  There are all sorts of strategies like that. 

Are there any particular things that set you off?