Published on 12, July, 2020
I really miss my best friend but at the same time I feel really distant from him. We met at our ASD youth club, has a lot in common with me and he lives on my street. We used to hang out a lot which has lead me to having some anxiety that has made me distant and anxious about hanging out with him outside of our club.
He is very good friend to me; he’s a good listener, supports me through tough times, accepts me for who I am, doesn’t judge me and makes me feel positive about life. For these reasons, I feel he is my only friend.
I still see him at the club and I can get very clingy with him. I said to him I worry I am being too clingy and he says not to worry about it as he’s the clingy and cuddly type as well. He was clingy with me when we first started hanging out but I got to the point where I just couldn’t let go.
I’m always wanting a cuddle from him and I miss him so much I cry some nights. This makes me feel physically sick and too anxious to ask to hang out because of my symptoms. I am on the waiting list for counselling but it has been over 6 months and I feel like I’m falling apart.
I had an obsessive friendship with another friend before which got out of hand. Learning from this previous situation has made me feel very weary of my anxieties.
I really could do with some temporary advice on how I can cope with my obsessive feelings. People often say to me I need to hang out with my other friends but sometimes, I feel it doesn’t always help.
Thanks :)
I often find when we spend time with a certain person too often we start to act like them and pick up on words they use or actions, mayb this is what you are confused with, you just need to be yourself and get some support with this, and not forget who u are, it’s good to have more than one person you spend time with this is why social groups can be good.
Hmm, I see. Yes, I can relate to that feeling. Not sure how best to deal with it, especially if you want to stay fairly close friends as he seems important to you.
No, I don’t want a relationship and I do often worry we’re going to become more than friends which is where the anxiety comes from.
asdballerina26 said:I still see him at the club and I can get very clingy with him. I said to him I worry I am being too clingy and he says not to worry about it as he’s the clingy and cuddly type as well. He was clingy with me when we first started hanging out but I got to the point where I just couldn’t let go.
The addiction of attractive opposites stuff without a doubt ;-)
You do clingy and cuddly and worry about it, and he does clingy and cuddly and asks you not to worry about it.
It is though very healthy that you did let go, so as to calm down and let your experience make sense. Difficult yes, but healthy none the less.
asdballerina26 said:I’m always wanting a cuddle from him and I miss him so much I cry some nights. This makes me feel physically sick and too anxious to ask to hang out because of my symptoms. I am on the waiting list for counselling but it has been over 6 months and I feel like I’m falling apart.
Being that you have you have gotten a sense then of what is too much of a connection, and too little, you are in the process of considering what is just enough, and how much rest you need in between. Thus it is that this is healthy, and learning not to stress out to much about it is even healthier.
In terms of human needs the nervous anxiety stuff is required, up to a point, as it lets us know to slow down and take things more gently, and evenly.
Even if it does not feel like it yet :-( ~ you are actually doing really well :-)
asdballerina26 said:I had an obsessive friendship with another friend before which got out of hand. Learning from this previous situation has made me feel very weary of my anxieties.
Learning from our previous mistakes allows us to make of them better retakes. Being weary of your anxieties is then a good thing, and even wearing yourself out with them can be a good thing for you also too, especially as you learn not to do so, as you are currently doing.
asdballerina26 said:I really could do with some temporary advice on how I can cope with my obsessive feelings. People often say to me I need to hang out with my other friends but sometimes, I feel it doesn’t always help.
Well in terms of hanging out with other friends they could be means to learn how to pace yourself, to different extents with other friends to different degrees. And doing so will not always help, but learning as much really does.
If you would like, and only if you would like, you are most welcome to ask about anything I have mentioned.
Have a good one ~
full of very many more :-)
DT
Do you think you have fallen in love with him? I mean, everything you describe sounds quite normal (well, not so much if I compare it to myself, but compared to what other people say), just the bit that it makes you so anxious doesn't.
Good luck that you can find someone to help you sorting your feelings!
Hi ASDBallerina26!
You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who are best suited to answer. They can provide you with information, strategies you might find helpful and where to go for further advice. You can call them on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm).Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor.
Please see the following link for further information:
http://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main.aspx
Also there are some links at the bottom of the mental health page that might be helpful:
http://www.autism.org.uk/about/health/mental-health.aspx
Kind regards,
Heather - Mod
I can't help with your obsessive feelings but perhaps you should go back to your doctor or whoever referred you for counselling or contact the counselling service directly and tell them how you are currently feeling. I can't promise it will make any difference but if you don't tell them they will never know.