Published on 12, July, 2020
Yo guys, its Wei. 20 years old male.
Today, I have gone to a mental health service and it wasn't very helpful in my opinion because all she did was telling me what i already know and that the thoughts that gone through my brain was all false which i disagree but it was clear i suffer from Asperger and she wasn't a GP so it was a "solution" attempt she said so she wasn't able to give me a prescription. (Read my previous post if you want more information on my situation)
But i have been watching videos of a clinical psychiatrist and also a professor of a university so he teaches lectures and records them on YouTube, name Dr Jordan Perterson. After watching and follow up some of his many works the past month i have found some encouragement in me and like to move forward but just in case my plan is terrible so i'd ask for some advice here and thanks in advance.
I am currently studying Games Technology and its quite likely that i am going to be required to resit even if i try to work for it right now because I have almost 0 knowledge of what is going on and the project deadline is in 6 days. So instead of trying so hard on this course that i chose to be my escape from reality as it is an introvert course dealing with computers that doesn't require much social interaction. i'll like to face my problems from now on and do what i think i'd want to do and want to give my all at.
My plan is instead of fighting a loosing battle or attempt to fight it again, i'll move toward a new course, i don't know what University i will be going to study this but its going to be Psychology. I will like to know more about my thoughts and myself by learning this course and i am going to try to read books, hard books that I never did before. But before going to University, i will take a year gap for once and take it easy for a year from studying, potentially sort my life out while prepare and research more on the topic of psychology and do readings about it. When i go to the University i plan to at the start of every module/lecture i'll introduce myself to everyone that i suffer from Asperger and would like to make friend with everyone despite having difficulty associating with people and hope many of them would accept it.
What are your thoughts on this? Please give me any advice or insight you think is appropriate. (This is a bit leading opinion but in another words, i am giving up on current course and try to persuade myself that i can move on and do better)
I will try and face this difficult path and get pass the fear of failure for real this time is what i believe right now.
Oh Wei, I can’t tell you how happy I am to read your post. I’m sat crying as I type this, with tears of pure joy.
Today I sent a reply text message to my support worker, that said, I’m going to face the fear and do it anyway and I’m going to do what I need to do despite the fear.
I took a year ‘out of life’. I mistakenly thought I was going to prepare myself during this year, to get ready to start my business ~ something that I’m 100% passionate about.
However, I was wrong. It turned out that I needed my year out to rest. To withdraw completely, or as far as was possible, from life and my mind, my plans, my ideas etc.
I spent a wonderful year inside my home. I was gentle, kind and loving to myself and I distracted myself by watching beautiful black and white movies on YouTube on my little phone. I was gathering my strength, but I didn’t realise that until I began to feel rested enough to start my life again.
Within less than a week (of me being ready to face the world), I have been given (all free of charge) every ounce of support that I will need and have wanted (since the beginning of 2013), to help me set my business up. I can’t tell you how miraculous it feels and how truly grateful and humbled I am for all the love and exquisite support that’s coming my way.
Failure, my good friend, is simply a wonderful opportunity to begin again, with more knowledge, understanding and awareness. You only fail when you give in. Success is the flip side to failure.
This is all going to work out so wonderfully for you. I tell just about everyone I speak to that I’m autistic, and I mean everyone. I put it out there and I am met with nothing less than curiosity and acceptance, every time. I make new friends everyday, by simply smiling at everyone I meet and by saying a genuine, warm hello. If people want to talk they will, if they don’t, that’s perfectly ok, you will nearly always get a smile and a hello back, which helps us build our confidence, slowly, in our ability to make and then maintain friendships. When we are genuinely interested in other people and have a sincere desire to help and be friendly, we find that we make friends easily and we maybe make someone’s day along the way.
I know I made the day of an elderly gentleman who I met on the street today. His face light up and we had a moment of eye to eye contact that said, thank you, it is so wonderful to meet you and we both parted with more love and joy and compassion active in our hearts than we did before our paths crossed.
Be open and friendly and the people who resonate with you will become your good friends and the ones who don’t, will be friendly friends when your paths cross.
There is so much support out there, you only have to ask and it will be given to you. Enjoy your gap year and enjoy the fabulous journey you will embark on from there on. You have a certain and beautiful life gently waiting for you for when you’re ready to claim it. You have already conquered your fear by declaring it is no match for you, and it isn’t. You’re not alone, there are always people around to ask for support when you need it, even if it’s only to say, I’m scared. It’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to have fears, so long as you know that’s all they are and they are no barrier to you achieving what you want in life.
And I just know you will make the most wonderful friend so you will not be short of friends. The perfect friends for you are already waiting for you. You’re going to have a great time. Well done and enjoy.
Do you know you can also do a degree, masters degree and PhD in autism (all funded) at Sheffield Hallam University. I’m not trying to persuade you away from your chosen course, just letting you know it’s there in case it is of any interest to you. They also offer a course in partnership with NAS.
Oh wow! i wasn't expecting such a detailed and long respond. Thanks for your time!
I am so happy that your story about what you have personally been through is going to encourage me on my plan and I hope the people i am going to open to are as incredible as the one around yours.
I did not know about Sheffield Hallam University but I have looked it up right after i read your message. It seems to be a part time course for 1 to 6 years and helps out people with ASD with study greatly. I will remember this and if i can ever manage free time i will attempt this but at the moment, i am still very young and would like to strife for more even in my condition, i would like to learn a lot more so i will try to study a full time course for my plan right now. Hopefully my course can lead me to become a clinical psychologist to help out people that are suffering my conditions and also other mental health problems, as for now that's very optimistic but it shall be my end goal.
There are different ways of studying their autism courses and there are different courses. All of them are open to people on the spectrum but are aimed as well at professionals and acedemics as well as individuals wanting to influence policy and procedure etc around autism.
Your goals are most certainly not optimistic and you may not believe me right now, but they’re actually guaranteed, ‘if’ you continue ‘until’ ~ that is, until you get there! No matter how long that takes or how you get there. And yes, you can begin to observe now, people treat us how we treat them and how we treat ourselves. If you treat yourself well and have an open, honest, friendly and genuinely caring approach to life and people, life and people will respond back to you in the same way.
I would wish you look but you don’t need it. Your future is secured. You need only enjoy it.
Good luck with your meeting- if you can freeze your student loans till next year and then simply transfer them across to a new Uni/course that sounds like a brilliant option.
Just a thought; get whatever you can, such as the advice about Student Loans etc in writing, if you can. For example, after having a meeting, or seeking advice, just ask everyone to sum up what they have told you and pop it in an email to you, (say you need this adjustment) so that you have some written evidence of these things/offers/ conversations which may prove useful in future.
Best of luck.