There are times when I hate being amongst other fellow human beings; in fact I find it really unsettling because it is only a painful reminder of just how cruel the world is towards autistics and Aspies. I can't be around anybody of any age in any type of environment because of the frustration of being mentally disabled with a low mental age and the people in my life such my family members being very cruel towards me about that, when I should be given the chance to just be a young adult and learn from other young adults.
I wish I could just be on another planet with only other autistic 'aliens' as I don't belong on this planet. Does anybody else feel this way?
I feel this way.
I often hate being amongst other fellow human beings.
It is really unsettling sometimes because it is a painful reminder of just how cruel the world is towards autistics and Aspies.
I also wish I could just be on another planet with only other autistic 'aliens' as I don't really belong on this planet.
I never feel truly comfortable around other people - and once or twice that has included other people with Asperger's. I used to work with an Aspie who could be incredibly intimidating - though not intentionally. His massive intellect and detailed knowledge on seemingly anything you cared to mention used to leave me feeling completely inadequate! But that's the exception, really. Mainly, it's NTs. It's generally been the case with me, all the way back to my teens, but it gets stronger as I get older: the feeling that I simply don't 'belong' with them. I look at some of the things they do, and the things that preoccupy them - the way they behave with one another - and I just don't get it. The same, probably, as they don't get me. Because I work with autistic people, my colleagues are all trained in working with autism. But they still don't get many things, and still ask me daft questions. 'Do you have anything you're especially good at?' Yes. Avoiding people!
I'm happy enough on this planet, though - even though I feel literally like a Martian most of the time. Mars is too cold and barren, and Mercury and Venus are too hot and otherwise inhospitable! The trick is to find a way to live - the same as you would if you were washed up on a desert island, or dropped into a different culture. My way is to accept myself as OK and just look at everyone else as a bit odd. I'm certainly not unhappy about being autistic.
Are you really mentally disabled with a low mental age? Really? Or is that how you feel when comparing yourself to others around you? You seem intelligent and articulate enough to me. I know that, for many years pre-diagnosis, I felt mentally subnormal. Subnormal in many respects, in fact. And the ways others used to behave towards me - calling me 'inept', 'cack-handed', 'backward', 'unsociable', 'mental' etc... that all fed into it. People are often either suspicious or fearful of things they don't understand - and even in these more enlightened days, autism is still badly understood - so will often react in such negative ways. Sometimes it's very hard, but you have to learn to ignore them and move on. I'm sorry you don't seem to have a more understanding family.
At least you've got understanding here - and a family, of sorts!
NAS36090 said:Does anybody else feel this way?
Very often, Yes.
Only when I compare myself against others. It’s not only autistic people who people are cruel towards. Primarily they are cruel to themselves. If we hurt another, we hurt ourselves first. It’s impossible not to. For example, if I hit somebody because I hated them, the harm is within me. The other person can recover from any physical or emotional damage I may have caused them but before I hit them, I had to be having bad thoughts about them. Where are these bad thoughts? They’re in me and they’re hurting me and only me. If I don’t deal with them, I do what most other people do, I share them with others. I make others feel bad in any way I can. Also, if we see cruelty in another, we have to know, that it’s in us also. It is not possible to recognise it in another if we too don’t hold that within us, and we do all hold it. We are all capable and often guilty of all the so called bad things in the world.
I don’t enjoy being around most people, and that’s a good thing because due to my autism, I don’t tolerate being around others for anything more than short periods of time. So in effect, they’re doing me a favour because if they were all so great to be around, I’d have a hard time because I would want to be around them but couldn’t be, because of my preference for solitude.
You can be on any planet you want, afterall, this so called ‘normal’ life isn’t based on reality and shared laws etc, it’s built on an illusion or deliusion (I never get those two words right), so any planet you create in your mind is equally as valid and as real as the ‘norm’ way of life. To be part of the ‘norm’ is to live under the hypnotic state of the race consciousness which is a big fabrication. For example, it convinces people that they need pharmaceutical medications and so called food which isn’t food at all, just ingredients and chemicals thrown together to taste delicious to the dumbed down taste buds. It convinces people that doctors are gods and that the tv is entertainment and relaxation and it controls people to the point that they think it’s perfectly normal and ok to go and kill another man, all in the name of peace!!! It’s a crazy mixed up world but it works, for them, the people who are pulling the strings. If you want to make it work for you, go ahead, it’s not difficult, you simply have only to be miserable, do as your told, don’t use your mind in anyway whatsoever, make money etc your god, so you will work like a dog just so you can have some living accommodation that looks reasonably enough like everybody else’s, wear similar kinds of clothes and footwear etc, it’s not hard to ‘fit in’ but the question is, do you want to and why?