motivation

so i struggle with self doubts and stress and etc. and i was wondering what any of you do to get over it because i'm looking for motivation so i can try to make friends or get a date.....but i'm just looking for inspiration.

  • Ok, so tell me, why should I choose you as a friend? What makes you a good friend? And what would our friendship look like? Would we hang out every day or just a couple of times a day. What sort of things would we do? What sort of things do you enjoy to do? Where would you go on a date? 

    Try to imagine that you haven’t got self doubts. Just for a moment, try to imagine that you really do have a genie in a bottle. What type of friend or date would you like? Instead of stating that you have self doubts, and that you experience at times what you call stress, tell me about you. Without the labels. Tell me about Blue. 

    When you turn your attention towards what you do want, and away from all the things that make you feel bad, you will begin to see what it is you do want and then you are on the path of creating it. If you need help, it will be there. Take your time. These things will come to you. You might find, like me, that you don’t really want friends. Not in the way that nt people have friends. There are mamy ways to enjoy friendships and connections and to share our interests. But first, we need to know who we are. We need to date ourselves and take our time. 

  • Nothing whatsoever motivates me to want to make friends or get dates.  I'm more motivated to want to do something with my life that makes a difference to other people.  Autism translates roughly as 'self-absorption', so it seems almost contradictory to want to help others.  But it isn't.  For me, looking outside of myself is the best way forwards.

  • 'Looking for inspiration'. I doubt you'll find it through self-examination or rumination, but I find reading a good book can distract from those self-doubts. Ask people you know for help with the causes of the stress. Have patience making friends, but the resolution that helped me was to take every opportunity. Check out local events, Meetup.com for things you're interested in or might become interested in. Maybe some volunteering or GoodGym, just to prove to yourself that you can do it and give you something to talk about. Sometimes motivation comes after the event - 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.

  • I have a friend, and a date.... It's a red lion.

  • This is a left-field suggestion and I could be biased but could you be bipolar as well as or instead of being autistic?

    i can really struggle with motivation for years at a time but have short periods of weeks when motivation is not a problem - if anything I become too motivated.

    i finally convinced a doctor to refer me for an assessment three weeks ago.

    i am currently in what they call a manic phase and have no self-doubts or stress (or if I do have them I can quickly regain my balance)

    as far as stress is concerned I can recommend tai chi but any exercise will really help - it's just a case of finding something you enjoy

    haven't made any dates yet but that is partly because it would not be fair to get a date when I am manic if they have not also known me while I have been in a depressive phase. I would also like to find someone who has at least one interest in common. (Yes, the point of a first date is to see if you have anything in common but I just feel that someone is more likely to accept my autism let alone my bipolar if they have an interest in common.) finally it is hard when I am in a manic phase but it would not be the end of the world if I end up spending all of my life alone.