TW - ASD and suicide prevention

ncrbrts said:

I just want someone to understand that I don't want to be autistic any more

I suspect a great many of us can relate to that. I know I can.

My pre-assessment meeting made me feel like I wanted them to give me a lethal injection, though I don't suppose they ever would.

Can I ask if you work or volunteer somewhere?

I have 3 jobs. Between them I can't make ends meet. I'm facing bankruptcy and pressure from the job centre to find something full time. 

Would bankruptcy be unbearable? 

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/655164/Insolvency_Statistics_-_Q3_2017_web.pdf (page 4) suggests there were over 25,000 people declared bankrupt in the third quarter of last year alone. Therefore, though obviously an awful thing to have to go through, it need not mean the end of everything?

Have you had any contact with the wellbeing team at the district council for your area?
If you go to their website and search for "wellbeing" or "mental health", something should come up.

What did the job centre say when you told them how you feel?

What sorts of jobs are they? Manual work? Something staring at a screen? Something outside?

Do you do anything nice in any free time that you have?

ncrbrts said:

I avoid my colleagues because I find people very difficult

In what way do you find people difficult? Do you find the folk on this forum difficult, for instance (don't worry, I shan't be offended...)

Do you think your tendency to avoid colleagues might come across somehow to NTs during your interviews?

He would go to live with his other parent who happens to be more financially and emotionally secure than I am. It would be better for him. 

I avoid my colleagues because I find people very difficult. 

Why might you have been told you're not enthusiastic enough? If that's something you've heard repeatedly, are there any common themes?

Youve said you're already doing the job, but on the other hand you've also said you want to avoid your colleagues... why is that?

If you followed through with your plans, what would happen to the young child you are supporting?

I literally have no idea what you mean by things I could do to improve my chances for a modest amount of effort. What more can I do to prove my ability than by actually doing the job as I have been? I'm not looking for a promotion, just enough that I don't have to be hounded by the dwp. 

I do not perform well in interviews either. This is despite having been on loads of interview skills courses. I always get the same feedback after interviews (not enthusiastic enough) and I try to address it but I actually have no idea where to start. 

I never apply for jobs that match my education and skill set, because I don't have enough experience and also don't hold the communication skills they prize so highly. I should have stayed at a brick university to finish my masters degree instead of doing it distance learning. I thought it would be a bit easier and more beneficial to find a job while I was studying but it has been a nightmare. I don't hate the jobs I have - they are connected to my study and I will be able to use my experiences when I start writing my dissertation soon (if I don't die first). As long as I can largely avoid my colleagues, its all fine. 

But I can't afford to just have a job as a vanity project. I have a young child to support, and everything that goes with that responsibility.  

I literally have no idea what you mean by things I could do to improve my chances for a modest amount of effort. What more can I do to prove my ability than by actually doing the job as I have been? I'm not looking for a promotion, just enough that I don't have to be hounded by the dwp. 

I do not perform well in interviews either. This is despite having been on loads of interview skills courses. I always get the same feedback after interviews (not enthusiastic enough) and I try to address it but I actually have no idea where to start. 

I never apply for jobs that match my education and skill set, because I don't have enough experience and also don't hold the communication skills they prize so highly. I should have stayed at a brick university to finish my masters degree instead of doing it distance learning. I thought it would be a bit easier and more beneficial to find a job while I was studying but it has been a nightmare. I don't hate the jobs I have - they are connected to my study and I will be able to use my experiences when I start writing my dissertation soon (if I don't die first). As long as I can largely avoid my colleagues, its all fine. 

But I can't afford to just have a job as a vanity project. I have a young child to support, and everything that goes with that responsibility.  

ncrbrts said:

I avoid my colleagues because I find people very difficult

In what way do you find people difficult? Do you find the folk on this forum difficult, for instance (don't worry, I shan't be offended...)

Do you think your tendency to avoid colleagues might come across somehow to NTs during your interviews?

He would go to live with his other parent who happens to be more financially and emotionally secure than I am. It would be better for him. 

I avoid my colleagues because I find people very difficult. 

Why might you have been told you're not enthusiastic enough? If that's something you've heard repeatedly, are there any common themes?

Youve said you're already doing the job, but on the other hand you've also said you want to avoid your colleagues... why is that?

If you followed through with your plans, what would happen to the young child you are supporting?