hi, I’m new to the community. I have a son who is 4 and undergoing assessments.
we had the paediatrician yesterday and since I’ve been feeling at a loss. So many questions and feelings going round in my mind.
We’ve already had an assessment with speech and language who have offered no help, he’s had the social skills assessment last year where he scored mild - moderate and he’s had ongoing play therapy since last year. The last few months things have got worse - anxiety and ocd traits have got so much worse even though the paediatrician says they can’t diagnose either as he’s too young yet it so clearly is - play therapist and nursery think so. His anxiety attacks are getting worse to the point he’s having palpitations and can’t breath or talk and the trauma from this then leads to a melt down and is inconsolable and takes hours to calm again. It is change of routine that majority cause the anxiety/meltdowns, or if he isn’t wanting to leave me (for nursery). Certain things he was ok at last year have got worse too - his speech is ok with people who he’s comfortable with and can have decent conversation but to people he isn’t so comfortable with it’s like he reverts back to baby - choice a baby voice and very unclear. Another thing that’s got worse is his drawing - paediatrician said it’s very immature but a year ago he could hold a pencil proper/draw properly and was starting to learn how to spell his name but now he holds his pencil like a toddler would. This does corncern me a lot.
next steps is the paediatrician is referring us for bloods and a genetic test? She also said she was concerned at the fact some changes in his behaviour have happened so suddenly - last year he went from being a typical happy boy to not even want to play with any his toys. She never said too much as my son was really anxious and listening to what was getting said. And also getting referred for an ADOS assessment which is a 6 month waiting list in our area. Other than that not much else what said and no other support was offered, she doesn’t want to see us again until September. His nursery isn’t happy as they were hoping more support would be offered as he isn’t toilet training and starts school after summer.
im feeling pretty low at the minute and I can’t help but blame myself for all this, I feel like I must’ve done something wrong. To top it off, at nursery party invitations got handed out by one of my sons friends and he wasn’t invited. It hurts that he gets excluded, he asked me what was getting handed out and I never had the heart to tell him. He takes everything so personally and I knew he would be upset.
Im sorry if I’ve posted in the wrong thread, I just needed to unload everything that’s been going on in my mind today/yesterday.
Don’t ever blame yourself. I am goin through the same thing at the moment although assessments haven’t yet been put in place as my son is still very young. I have a older child and I know there’s something different this time he has speech issues and autistic traits but because of the speech issues hes taken to biting and it’s becomin a massive issue at nursery and outside of nursery i feel so bad for him and do feel how you do sometimes and blame myself but I know I’ve dove everything I can with him and he is so loved and cared for I know it’s hard to not blame yourself for it but I promise you it’s not our fault we are amazing mums who have amazing children and we created them and it’s somethin to be proud of you’re not alone xxxx
Thank you for your reply. It’s nice to hear from someone who’s going through similar.
You sound like a wonderful mummy!! Your kind words mean a lot! We had a better morning today but this afternoon we went to the shops then park but had to leave early than we normally would due to high winds/rain and this triggered a meltdown as he hadn’t had a turn on everything (he has to do things in certain order in the park) he stormed right over to dogs mess and deliberately stood on it and it was like he acted on impulse and couldn’t control. As soon as he finished stomping he froze and it was like it hit him what he had done and then he was even more upset because it was all on his trainers.
i came home, cleaned him and then went off to a different room and cry, I feel so ashamed for crying and so selfish. It’s like constantly watching him have this battle in his mind and I so badly want to help him but not sure how. I want to make everything so much easier for him
Don’t feel ashamed for cryin were only human it’s definately not a sign of bein selfish it’s fruatration. Frustration that we don’t know how we should deal with it and frustration that we can’t take their feelings and impulses away To make it easier for them. You sound like your dealing with his behaviour in the best way you can and for that you are amazing I know it’s hard my son has outbursts but they always seem to be aimed at children around his age which is hard because then I have to deal with the other child’s parents. Some of which are completely ignorant and should definitely not have children of their own. I’ve had a fully grown supposedly ‘man’ call my son a c**t physically harm him and bite him that badly on the thigh it went black and nearly bled all because my little confused 2 and a half year old bit his daughter on the hand. Unforuntunately you will come across people who are completely ignorant and vile who think they’re just horrible naughty children but the only horrible horrible people are the idiots who choose to pass judgement. Keep on doin what your doin you are an angel xxxx
I am so sorry your child and yourself had to go through that, that person is a vile excuse of a human!! That actually makes me feel quite sick! So far it's just comments/remarks and exclusions from parties that we've had to deal with - as you said some people are so ignorant, They simply don't think about their words or actions. You're an angel too and a wonderful mummy!!