Published on 12, July, 2020
hi, I’m new to the community. I have a son who is 4 and undergoing assessments.
we had the paediatrician yesterday and since I’ve been feeling at a loss. So many questions and feelings going round in my mind.
We’ve already had an assessment with speech and language who have offered no help, he’s had the social skills assessment last year where he scored mild - moderate and he’s had ongoing play therapy since last year. The last few months things have got worse - anxiety and ocd traits have got so much worse even though the paediatrician says they can’t diagnose either as he’s too young yet it so clearly is - play therapist and nursery think so. His anxiety attacks are getting worse to the point he’s having palpitations and can’t breath or talk and the trauma from this then leads to a melt down and is inconsolable and takes hours to calm again. It is change of routine that majority cause the anxiety/meltdowns, or if he isn’t wanting to leave me (for nursery). Certain things he was ok at last year have got worse too - his speech is ok with people who he’s comfortable with and can have decent conversation but to people he isn’t so comfortable with it’s like he reverts back to baby - choice a baby voice and very unclear. Another thing that’s got worse is his drawing - paediatrician said it’s very immature but a year ago he could hold a pencil proper/draw properly and was starting to learn how to spell his name but now he holds his pencil like a toddler would. This does corncern me a lot.
next steps is the paediatrician is referring us for bloods and a genetic test? She also said she was concerned at the fact some changes in his behaviour have happened so suddenly - last year he went from being a typical happy boy to not even want to play with any his toys. She never said too much as my son was really anxious and listening to what was getting said. And also getting referred for an ADOS assessment which is a 6 month waiting list in our area. Other than that not much else what said and no other support was offered, she doesn’t want to see us again until September. His nursery isn’t happy as they were hoping more support would be offered as he isn’t toilet training and starts school after summer.
im feeling pretty low at the minute and I can’t help but blame myself for all this, I feel like I must’ve done something wrong. To top it off, at nursery party invitations got handed out by one of my sons friends and he wasn’t invited. It hurts that he gets excluded, he asked me what was getting handed out and I never had the heart to tell him. He takes everything so personally and I knew he would be upset.
Im sorry if I’ve posted in the wrong thread, I just needed to unload everything that’s been going on in my mind today/yesterday.
Hi, I saw your thread pop up and didn't want to leave you without a reply since you're sitting up at this time in the morning and obviously worried about all of this.
I'm a Mum too, although my children are all a lot older now, and I know how hard it can be to want to help and protect your child when it feels as if no-one else is taking your concerns seriously. He's so lucky to have you in his corner, fighting for him like this, and it's because of you that your son will get through this, whatever his assessment results are.
Of course it hurts when you see him excluded from party invitations, it was a damned horrible thing for that parent to do and if we weren't on a public forum my language would be a little more 'colourful'! Some people are @#$% and at least you managed to protect your son from that particular example, it's just horrible that you had to. It's the last thing you needed to be dealing with right now.
I wish I had some advice to give you regarding the assessment process but I'm afraid I know less than nothing about it, other than I imagine it's frustrating having to wait so long and not being sure if what your doing to deal with things is right or not. All I can say is what you probably already know but are understandably too tired right now to see clearly - your little boy has a Mum who will be there fighting his corner no matter what, and that's exactly what he needs. You just try to remember that, as the most important person your son has in his life, you need to take care of yourself for his sake! Time spent on you is not time wasted, you are important in this too.
Thank you for replying last night, my mind has just been all over the place recently and struggling to sleep. I worry about so much, the unknown. All this is so new to me and sometimes I question if I am strong enough. I feel selfish I have these worries when it’s him who has it all going on. Thank you so much for your kind words x
You are not selfish at all. It's a sign of how much you love and care for your son that you are worrying so much, a selfish parent wouldn't really care what their child was going through. You so clearly do care and it is a lot to deal with.
After reading your other post about your day at the park, I really admire the way you so clearly understood your son's behaviour and how you dealt with it. Well done! You don't need to worry so much about IF you can deal with this, it looks as if you are already dealing with it and doing a fantastic job! Give yourself the credit you deserve for all that you ARE doing. One day at a time, one tantrum and hug and sleep at a time, you will make it.
Thank you! Hearing those words does mean so much. I have zero support and not many people to talk to about this so I find myself bottling it all up in mind. Bless you! You’re such a kind person!
I think as parents we all want to shield and protect our children as best as we can and I think that’s why I’m being so hard on myself. You’re so right though, taking it one day at a time is best. I thank you again for replying :) I guess I do need to stop doubting myself so much. Thank you! X