I've been looking into psychosocial dynamics of why a developmental disorder and and a personality disorder can be so destructive to the wellbeing of both individual sufferers when in the presence of one another. They appear to operate as polar opposites in terms of dysfunctions of nature.
The solution to this is to break apart the cycle of suffering that enables the perpetuated spiral of emotionally negative transactions. Physical distancing may very well be necessary to help the situation of toxic transmissions of hate and fear.
Once separated, realisation of ones own grief is necessary to ensure that psychic losses are contained and accepted within the confines of their own environment. Only when awareness of compromised psychic defences has been realised that healing can truely take place without risk of future breakdown. Any length of intervention can only be determined by the end users decision making capacity for their own welfare.
Please note that these are my own thoughts as a male aspie that has been brought up by narcissistic mother for almost 2 decades and is still struggling with the fallout of psych-ache.
I can identify with that...I have a narcissist for a partner, who also practices cohersive control... not a magic combination....do aspies have a built in self destruct button? .... still unable to “make capacity for own welfare”.... as yet
NAS15974 said:Physical distancing may very well be necessary to help the situation of toxic transmissions of hate and fear.
Which is what I've now done in the case of my sister-in-law, whose narcissistic behaviour has done so much damage in our family for over 30 years - particularly to me.
Unfortunately, it also means having to end a relationship with my brother. Collateral damage is another aspect of it. He's been Stockholmed by her, though. She's changed him to make him the person she wants him to be.
You might be interested in the 'Gaslighting' thread I started yesterday...
Oh jeez Ellie, I didn’t know you was with a narcissist. I’m a recovery from narcissistic abuse veteran, so I understand. X
And interesting read...
It's not just ASD people that suffer from Narcissists, they are the some of the few people in life I'd ever describe as truly evil, they will hurt anyone and anything to gratify themselves, I've one leave a huge trail of destruction in his wake, he didn't care who he hurt and the majority of those hurt by him were NT. He left an ex wife with PTSD, a son so mal-adjusted he doesn't fit in and may well be a full blown narcissist himself etc.
I'm now aware of NPDs and I wouldn't ever let one worm their way into any part of my life again (the previous one was a boss), I'd also actively shun these people and not interact with them, they are truly evil individuals.
All I can suggest is to get out whilst you still can!
It could be the way we operate and function that makes us more prone to come across narcissists in our lives.
When I was undergoing intensive psychotherapy, the therapist commented that my ex partners had psychopathic tendencies and were narcissistic. I also had a circle of 'friends' at the time that were also preying on me in the same way. The therapist warned me that the way I operated and understood the world, would make me a prime target for this type of person. This was before my ASD diagnosis, but I have always been on my guard now and have been better at spotting potential threats.
I'm puzzled, and hoping someone can explain. [Hopefully I can also avoid a torrent of abuse from you all...(!)]
It seems like nearly all of you have encountered narcissistic individuals and have horror stories to tell. But whenever I look at websites about narcissistic behaviour, they mention things like lack of empathy, anxiety and need to have things "their way"... all of which sound to me like symptoms of ASC?
Because of the sheer number of folk claiming to have suffered at the hands of narcissists, I am wondering whether the world really is full of them, or whether some of us are somehow projecting things onto others? I.e. Could it be the case that our own cognitive failings increase the chances that we will perceive narcissism in someone who is actually entirely innocent?
i did a narcissism test myself, but it said I display something called echoism, which somehow seems to be the opposite of narcissism?
So how would I know? How could I tell if someone in my life was narcissistic? I looked at several of those "you know you're with a narcissist when...", websites, but to be honest I just drew a blank. I'm not sure I've ever been around someone like that.
On the other hand, everything with my ex-wife always seemed to have to be a drama. I don't know why. Clearly some things in life are dramas, but I often felt like the simplest of things would be seemingly blown out of all proportion for effect? Do any of you recognise that sort of thing?
Well as I said previously, I wasn't aware until my psychotherapist pointed it out. I am oblivious to people who have ulterior motives or bad intentions. It's only when other people point it out that I become aware of it. The only way I protect myself now is to be very cautious around people I don't know and even then I make mistakes. I think the point is you don't know until it is too late, or you have moved on in life where you can look bad in a neutral and non-emotional way so as not to cast bias.
If it was so easy to know, then I would want to know how as it would have prevented a lot of unnecessary suffering along the way!