anxiety at school and meltdowns at home

I have recently become a SENCo at a large comprehensive school.  A number of pupils that I have with ASD are showing the 'Jekyll and Hyde' characteristics (Attwood).  In other words, they are behaving well and fitting in at school, but having huge meltdowns as soon as they get home.  I would love to be able to support parents, as well as these pupils.  Has anyone got any ideas of what I can do at school to help, when there don't appear to be any problems and the pupils aren't verbalising any issues?  Thanks

Parents
  • Hi NAS35925,

    This may not be the advice you are seeking.

    I couldn’t help but first wonder whether the kids that you say appear to be ‘fitting in’ so well at school are really as okay as you perceive them to be.

    ‘Fitting in...’ the ‘act of being suitable or appropriate?’ Much can be learnt from the smallest of things…I wonder what it might be like to ‘act’ suitable, every day…? And I wonder further if, when acting can end, such as when we feel safe, such as when we get home, whether everything just comes flooding out in one terrifying, uncontrollable, confusing, outburst…

    Absence of ‘affect’ (absence of outburst, meltdown, behavioural problems, resistance, refusal) in school is not really evidence enough that a ND child is okay, particularly with individuals on the spectrum who may be introverted and internalise their suffering as opposed to ‘acting it out’ in public. Therefore, it follows that ‘good behaviour’ may be an important indicator from the schools perspective, on whether a child is deemed to be ‘okay’ (acceptable to the school)  but it is not indication that all is well from the perspective of the child.  

  • I couldn’t help but first wonder whether the kids that you say appear to be ‘fitting in’ so well at school are really as okay as you perceive them to be.

    Absolutely.  I probably didn't explain myself very well.   I am very aware that the young man who I am most concerned about is masking his anxiety all day long and this is causing the meltdowns at home.  I just need some practical ideas of how to help him.  For example, he has a timeout card and can come to the unit when he needs to, but often he won't use it because he doesn't want to miss lessons and he doesn't want to be different.  When his distress is so debilitating at home he sometimes spends the day with me rather than being in lessons at all, but I'd rather find out how to avoid that if I can.  I now that the amount of'chaos' and change in routines at the end of terms is stressful.  Just taking him out of lessons seems a bit of a cop out!

    Tony Attwood's book the The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome,

    I saw one of his articles on pupils with ASD and homework, as this is a massive issue with the same child ( I am working on this!).  It sounds as if I should invest in his book too.  Thank you.

Reply
  • I couldn’t help but first wonder whether the kids that you say appear to be ‘fitting in’ so well at school are really as okay as you perceive them to be.

    Absolutely.  I probably didn't explain myself very well.   I am very aware that the young man who I am most concerned about is masking his anxiety all day long and this is causing the meltdowns at home.  I just need some practical ideas of how to help him.  For example, he has a timeout card and can come to the unit when he needs to, but often he won't use it because he doesn't want to miss lessons and he doesn't want to be different.  When his distress is so debilitating at home he sometimes spends the day with me rather than being in lessons at all, but I'd rather find out how to avoid that if I can.  I now that the amount of'chaos' and change in routines at the end of terms is stressful.  Just taking him out of lessons seems a bit of a cop out!

    Tony Attwood's book the The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome,

    I saw one of his articles on pupils with ASD and homework, as this is a massive issue with the same child ( I am working on this!).  It sounds as if I should invest in his book too.  Thank you.

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