HelloI'm not sure whether this is the right section or not, but I require some help/input.I'm Autistic (ASD) and my mother is my carer and appointee - she receives ESA and DLA/PIP on my behalf.My relationship with my mother has deteriorated over the last year after I discovered she hadn't been entirely upfront about my benefits since I had started claiming ESA back in 2011. During the application process for ESA (Autumn 2010), my mother said I'd be receiving a small monthly allowance out of my ESA. However, every time it was discussed after that initial statement, the number was cut in half. Eventually that was forgotten about until September 2011 when I finally questioned why I had yet to receive the money she was suppose to be allocating me. From that time I started receiving £20 a month out of my ESA.Over the new few years, she kept telling me how expensive I am to keep, and how she's out of pocket because I don't leave the house often (due to psychological distress), I run up more utility and food bills than anyone else in my household. In 2014 my mom started to miss giving me my £20/month allowance. At first it was a few months here and there, but then it ultimately stopped. Going forwards, I had to become reliant on money from grandparents for pay for things like clothes and shoes.In the Spring of this year I discovered my benefits (ESA specifically) was a lot higher than I was previously led to believe. My mother who prides herself on treating all her children equally had been receiving £720/m on my behalf, whilst asking my siblings for £200/m for they're board.A few weeks after my discovery, I confronted my mom about why she had been receiving that sort of money on my behalf, and providing very little for the amount of money. This led to an argument where she effectively said I need to start looking for somewhere else to live, because I said I didn't believe that amount of money she is receiving for my care is justified by the small amount of additional care that I do receive from her. She offered to help start the process into looking for somewhere else to live, and would transfer my benefits over into my name. However, she gave me a draft letter that she intended to send to the DWP saying I was capable things I'm not, and that would be damaging to my PIP transition in the near future. She then proceeded to ignore me.After a few weeks of being ignored,, things had cooled down, and she agreed to start giving me a monthly allowance again, but significantly higher.During September I had my PIP home assessment. Whilst I'm aware I was successful in my claim, I have yet to actually be informed/updated on my DLA>PIP status.In October the subject was brought up again. I asked for slightly more money so i could start becoming a bit more financially responsible for myself/my needs. This led to me being told I no longer have a home, and to remove myself from her house. This is something I perceived to be a bluff. Instead I was ignored for nearly 3 weeks.Last week I asked for my NI number to confirm my identity on a website. She was reluctant to give it, and began to insinuate that I was up to devious things, despite me explaining that I needed it to confirm my identity. This made her paranoid that I was up to something, despite being transparent with the reason I needed it.On Tuesday morning I was woken up to her asking me if I had been messing around with my PIP because it hadn't been paid into her account.And now we come to today... I asked her if I was going to be receiving my Christmas bonus this year (this is the first year I've even known about it). This led to an argument and my telling her a few home truths (I insinuated that she has been financially exploiting me).She has since thrown me out, and I'm currently at my grandparents house. She has made threats to get the police involved if I try to return home. She's apparently called them saying I've been emotionally and domestically abusive towards her, and that Social Services are getting involved to say I'm more capable than I've made myself out to be.
This is a copy and paste from my thread over on MSE: forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php
It's awful that you have had to go through all this.
I think NAS would be your first point of call and then go from there. If you will be stopping with your grandparents long-term, then they may need to be registered as your carers so that both you and your grandparents have access to vital benefits to support you.
Can your grandparents also help you with advice and support if you do need to speak to PIP/DLA authorities?
It's just my nan - she's recently widowed (14 months), and haven't got used to refering their home as hers.
Despite my Nan's willingness to support me long term, it's just not viable. She's 82 in February, and shouldn't be left to deal with this situation at her age. She's also heavily reliant on my uncle for support around her house.
My nan and I are in unknown territory here, as my mom has been responsible for all benefits and what not, since my initial diagnosis in the late 90s.
I did phone social services last Wednesday evening requesting a social worker, as suggested by others. If anyone has an idea on how long it takes to get one assigned (even if it's just a rough idea), I'd appreciate it.
I have no expertise to offer, I just wanted to wish you luck and hope you get the right help to guide you through gaining your independence.
Don't worry about those threats, the police might not have been contacted, she might just be bluffing you.
They (Social Worker/Advocate) will know you are being honest.
Copy and paste your post above and any more about it all into a word document and have it ready to show them if you can't manage to tell them it all verbally. Don't be shy, scared or too proud to tell them, they can't help and support you if they don't know all the details.
Keep chasing them for help. Try not to worry and just hang in there while you are waiting for help, it will get sorted out in due course.