HelloI'm not sure whether this is the right section or not, but I require some help/input.I'm Autistic (ASD) and my mother is my carer and appointee - she receives ESA and DLA/PIP on my behalf.My relationship with my mother has deteriorated over the last year after I discovered she hadn't been entirely upfront about my benefits since I had started claiming ESA back in 2011. During the application process for ESA (Autumn 2010), my mother said I'd be receiving a small monthly allowance out of my ESA. However, every time it was discussed after that initial statement, the number was cut in half. Eventually that was forgotten about until September 2011 when I finally questioned why I had yet to receive the money she was suppose to be allocating me. From that time I started receiving £20 a month out of my ESA.Over the new few years, she kept telling me how expensive I am to keep, and how she's out of pocket because I don't leave the house often (due to psychological distress), I run up more utility and food bills than anyone else in my household. In 2014 my mom started to miss giving me my £20/month allowance. At first it was a few months here and there, but then it ultimately stopped. Going forwards, I had to become reliant on money from grandparents for pay for things like clothes and shoes.In the Spring of this year I discovered my benefits (ESA specifically) was a lot higher than I was previously led to believe. My mother who prides herself on treating all her children equally had been receiving £720/m on my behalf, whilst asking my siblings for £200/m for they're board.A few weeks after my discovery, I confronted my mom about why she had been receiving that sort of money on my behalf, and providing very little for the amount of money. This led to an argument where she effectively said I need to start looking for somewhere else to live, because I said I didn't believe that amount of money she is receiving for my care is justified by the small amount of additional care that I do receive from her. She offered to help start the process into looking for somewhere else to live, and would transfer my benefits over into my name. However, she gave me a draft letter that she intended to send to the DWP saying I was capable things I'm not, and that would be damaging to my PIP transition in the near future. She then proceeded to ignore me.After a few weeks of being ignored,, things had cooled down, and she agreed to start giving me a monthly allowance again, but significantly higher.During September I had my PIP home assessment. Whilst I'm aware I was successful in my claim, I have yet to actually be informed/updated on my DLA>PIP status.In October the subject was brought up again. I asked for slightly more money so i could start becoming a bit more financially responsible for myself/my needs. This led to me being told I no longer have a home, and to remove myself from her house. This is something I perceived to be a bluff. Instead I was ignored for nearly 3 weeks.Last week I asked for my NI number to confirm my identity on a website. She was reluctant to give it, and began to insinuate that I was up to devious things, despite me explaining that I needed it to confirm my identity. This made her paranoid that I was up to something, despite being transparent with the reason I needed it.On Tuesday morning I was woken up to her asking me if I had been messing around with my PIP because it hadn't been paid into her account.And now we come to today... I asked her if I was going to be receiving my Christmas bonus this year (this is the first year I've even known about it). This led to an argument and my telling her a few home truths (I insinuated that she has been financially exploiting me).She has since thrown me out, and I'm currently at my grandparents house. She has made threats to get the police involved if I try to return home. She's apparently called them saying I've been emotionally and domestically abusive towards her, and that Social Services are getting involved to say I'm more capable than I've made myself out to be.
This is a copy and paste from my thread over on MSE: forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php
I’m so sorry, you must feel very alone in trying to deal with this by yourself. I hope your grandparents are supportive. Personally I think it would be a good idea for social services to be involved. They can help you find somewhere to live and help with your finances and support if you need help to take care of yourself. They can also arrange for you to have an advocate.. someone who helps you get what you are entitled to. Social services would probably chat with you to hear your point of view and make sure benefits are paid directly to you. You definitely need someone on your side. If you don’t feel comfortable with social services then try Citizens Advice Bureau. Perhaps you could also call the Nas helpline to get advice and support the number is on the main website.
So sorry to hear about your situation. If you would like to contact the NAS Helpline, you can call them on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm. Please see the link below for changes to times over the Christmas/NewYear period). The Helpline does receive a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor.
Please see the following link for further information: http://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main.aspx
Alternatively you can also email the team - there is a link on this page which allows you to complete an online enquiry form: http://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/contact.aspx.
It's awful that you have had to go through all this.
I think NAS would be your first point of call and then go from there. If you will be stopping with your grandparents long-term, then they may need to be registered as your carers so that both you and your grandparents have access to vital benefits to support you.
Can your grandparents also help you with advice and support if you do need to speak to PIP/DLA authorities?
It's just my nan - she's recently widowed (14 months), and haven't got used to refering their home as hers.
Despite my Nan's willingness to support me long term, it's just not viable. She's 82 in February, and shouldn't be left to deal with this situation at her age. She's also heavily reliant on my uncle for support around her house.
My nan and I are in unknown territory here, as my mom has been responsible for all benefits and what not, since my initial diagnosis in the late 90s.
I did phone social services last Wednesday evening requesting a social worker, as suggested by others. If anyone has an idea on how long it takes to get one assigned (even if it's just a rough idea), I'd appreciate it.
From working as a social worker, in several different localities, it is often those who shout loudest, so to speak, who get allocated a social worker the quickest. If you can, give them another call and ask them for a time frame, even if it's an approximate, and if you haven't heard in a couple of days, call them again and express your concern for your nan. Keep calling them so they know this is a crisis situation. Let them know that if you don't get help soon, the situation could escalate. You are also entitled to an independent advocate and your local authority must provide access to one so you could also ask them to provide you with either a referral to a local advocate service or give you the contact details. An advocate can take charge of the situation and support you in getting a timely and thorough assessment of your needs and your situation. It may not look like it now, but this situation is probably the best that could have happened for you. There is help and support out there for you and while your mum was in charge, you were never going to get access to that support. I'm sure your mum was doing the best she could but you have an opportunity now to do the best you can for you. You can't do that alone, we all need help in this but the door has been opened now and thankfully you have the loving support of your nan while you walk through that door and get the support you need. Give social services a ring and let them know this is a crisis situation and you need to know that you will be allocated a social worker very soon and ask for the details of the local advocacy service. Good luck, and keep coming on here, ask questions, talk, you're not alone.