Published on 12, July, 2020
I've had autism since I was three years old and I've always struggled to accept it. I can be sociable at times but its really hard to keep up, particularly when I have a bad night's sleep, which is common due to my insomnia. I'm so paranoid of saying or doing the wrong thing that would make me look like a fool. I have always been surrounded by people who have been unkind and inconsiderate and because of it, both my friends and family have made fun of me.
My parents have forced me to speak to people about it and have talked about my autism without my consent. They've always forced me to do things that I don't feel comfortable doing like learning to drive or swim. No matter where I go, I feel like the idiot in the room. I'm really clumsy and every time I make a small error, my parents yell at me. I have really low self esteem and mental health problems due to this. I'm a university student now so I don't live with them anymore, but I feel forced to go back home or talk to them. I don't even know if I can handle going home for Christmas. I don't know if being alone during the holidays would be better?
Does anyone get like this? And does anyone have any advice on how to cope?
Well.... I can emphasise with you because I had similar problems. My family was mad.
The only good advice I can give you is to meet new people who don't have preconceived opinions about you and start fresh friendships and relationships. Families don't change. Often their prejudice is fixed and won't go away.
When I first went to university and came home at weekends the situation was insane. My mother was angry that I had left the house, she wanted me to stay at home all day, don't work, don't study, don't travel. Just stay at home! My father was either completely ignoring me and pretending that I didn't exist, or shouting abuse and ridiculing me for anything. Such as watching tv. Or even speaking.