Does anyone think I have Asperger Syndrome? (Or have I gone mad)

My Aspergers my symptoms
Selectively mute (I only talk when spoken to)

Lack empathy but I do have sympathy but I have my own way of expressing it. It might seem like I’m careless

Use fake smiles to disguise I’m ok

Feeling dead inside
No dreams since I was 13

Get migraines from people’s voices

Lack guilt

Don’t know how to socialise or make or maintain friends properly or can’t start a conversation, my way of saying bye is walking away.

Can’t go outside alone without feeling overwhelmed, need someone beside me 

College classroom don’t like table layout
Eye contact is an issue

Body coordination is bad - unbalanced walking, slouching, leaning

Fidgeting with items like turning lights off and on and constantly adjusting per hour

Making schedules everyday and trying to perfect it

Physics and mathematics as daily study as It relieves me

Art - particularly drawing people, calms me down

Head jerking/ flinching

Seizures

Been like this all my life since I started nursery onwards, at home I’m perfectly fine and happiest.

I have an above average IQ

Sleep issues

Routines are important to me

What they tell me
- Asians are culturally quiet (well the ones I know are either shy or loud the shy ones still have plenty of friends and seem to understand the need to socialise, while I feel alienated, alone and misunderstood
- Girls are unlikely to have it- and they assume I have social anxiety - well guess what? Is it possible to be born with social anxiety?
- They use the male criteria to conclude whether I have Aspergers or not.
I’ve been having these issues since I was in nursery, I’ve taken anxiety medication, depressents, and other medications but non have helped me. I’m also 18, that probably why they don’t want to diagnose me.

Parents
  • I think that the traits you list are definitely indicative of autistic spectrum condition.  But even if they're not, I don't see them as signs of being mad.  Why does 'different from the norm' always have to be construed as 'mad'?  What's wrong with 'different'?

  • Different you.. ,being yourself better...unless it causes harm to others x

  • What about others causing harm to me because of my difference?  I wouldn't deliberately cause harm to others. Most of the time, I'm honest to my own detriment.  I'll concede to others, even if I think they're wrong - because I lack the confidence, self-esteem, whatever it is to speak up for myself.  Mainly because others have beaten that out of me - psychologically and physically. 

    Others have seen fit to deliberately cause harm to me for most of my life - because I don't go along with their stupid rules and expectations.  I don't like games, I don't do small talk, I don't do silly jokes.  So, even if I'm being myself, I'm in the wrong. 

    Who can I be, then?

  • Wow! All praise and understanding there then :( so sad x

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