Shutdown at the worst time

Ok I know shutdowns are not great at any time, but yesterday I had one that was particularly embarrassing.

My workload has increased lately and I have been aware my stress levels were rising.  It was only after yesterday that I realised this has been building for a while.

I had to be part of a day long meeting consisting of numerous presentations and I had to present as well.  I thought there would be 10 people in the room maximum, but this was closer to 30 when I walked in, which I wasn't prepared for.  We also started to run behind schedule so there was no real breaks and a working lunch.  My breaks and lunch are normally when I focus on resting and keeping myself fueled so this also impacted.  The day was also full of masses of information from different people that I was struggling to keep up with/take in.  Finally, when I had to present I was ok for the first two thirds of the presentation, then I started to feel unwell.  Due to my concentration on the presentation, I hadn't realised a shutdown was creeping up on me.  What resulted was me stuttering and stumbling over my words, speaking sentences backwards and generally not making sense.  I stopped the presentation to say I needed a drink of water as I was feeling faint.  I then tried to carry on, but my hearing went very fuzzy, I could no longer read what I was presenting and finally my vision went to which point I panicked and ran out.  I was found by the first aider in a slumped heap outside the building.  To make things worse I was non-verbal for 5 minutes, so then people didn't know if I was being hypoglycemic or whether I was having a stroke!

I just wanted some quite in a dark room, but couldn't say that.  I finally managed to say I needed some water and something sweet - I find this helps with brain function and getting things kick-started quicker.  Finally I was taken to the first aid room to rest, but the lights were awful and the smell of disinfectant was overwhelming.  I spent the evening feel terrible at home like I was trying to function whilst wearing a lead suit.  My head was banging and I felt incredibly anxious.

Whether this is just the anxiety affecting my judgement, I am not sure, but I am now worrying how people at work will judge me.  The only person who knows about my ASD is my boss and he kind of put two and two together.  It's my colleagues I worry about as it is a dog eat dog type of place at times, where I woiuldn't want my weaknesses to be made public.

I'm not sure what to do now as work is obviously impacting on me, so need to speak to my boss, but worry they will start to think I am not up to the job anymore.

Parents
  • Hi Starbuck, no, not a nice thing to happen, hope you managed to distract yourself a bit from thinking and worrying about it during the day today. But given that you really did appear unwell, perhaps people are still more likely to be genuinely concerned rather than already thinking about ways of taking advantage of your apparent weak moment? I can't imagine not being concerned, but then I don't understand many things and thoughts others can be comfortable with so easily... Perhaps if someone asks what happened yesterday (although, being in UK, this is perhaps not particularly likely) and you really don't want to tell anyone else than your boss you could perhaps call it a migraine you are getting now and then, the symptoms would fit that, and as far as your boss is concerned, one wouldn't exclude the other. Think I would be a lot more comfortable to tell people I had migraines if I did than I am telling them about ASD but then, given that I don't have migraines I probably wouldn't manage the lie...  

    Well, it would be a nicer place if we could all just be honest and it would result in people looking a bit after each other...

Reply
  • Hi Starbuck, no, not a nice thing to happen, hope you managed to distract yourself a bit from thinking and worrying about it during the day today. But given that you really did appear unwell, perhaps people are still more likely to be genuinely concerned rather than already thinking about ways of taking advantage of your apparent weak moment? I can't imagine not being concerned, but then I don't understand many things and thoughts others can be comfortable with so easily... Perhaps if someone asks what happened yesterday (although, being in UK, this is perhaps not particularly likely) and you really don't want to tell anyone else than your boss you could perhaps call it a migraine you are getting now and then, the symptoms would fit that, and as far as your boss is concerned, one wouldn't exclude the other. Think I would be a lot more comfortable to tell people I had migraines if I did than I am telling them about ASD but then, given that I don't have migraines I probably wouldn't manage the lie...  

    Well, it would be a nicer place if we could all just be honest and it would result in people looking a bit after each other...

Children
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