Time Out

Hi Tom

not sure if you are aware...but Spotty and I have requested to one of the moderators for the removal of the leader board. We don't see what benefit it has....and there is no explanation to current or new members re. What it means...the term "site leaders"......is also maybe not the right term.

take care

Hi Spotty.  Don't worry.  I was sure that wasn't what you meant.  I just used it to highlight what I felt.  Sorry for giving that impression to you.  I'm really grateful to everyone on here, and am touched to read your kind comments.  I had a bit of a rough day yesterday - it's a combination of things with waiting for this new job to start, plus some emotional sediment stirred up by this book I'm writing about mum - and I drank a bit too much last night, which didn't help.  Once you get into that spiral....

I'm just a little tired of my own voice at the moment, which is why I want to take a bit of a break.  I want to focus on this writing I'm doing as the time I have left for it is dwindling, and once I start work it'll take a big hit.  I'll look in from time to time... but I'll be happy to see my name off that leader board!

Take care everyone - and thanks again. 

I'll be around, if not fully engaged.

Tom x

Martian Tom said:

Yes, I'm sorry folks.  I realise that me putting my big nose in stirred things up in the wrong way.  Please take care, all.  I'll come back when I feel ready.   A break is good, though.

Tom,

I was in the process of getting myself into the position you got in, which basically means you took the hit for the team. The abuse was already on the role before that thread of doom got started, and it was only a matter of time before the proverbial stuff hit the fan anyway, or in other words the grand piano was already falling from the proverbial sky scraper anyhow.

You about as much stirred that heady state of affairs up as anyone with a kitchen ladle can claim to have stirred up a hurricane after it had started.

Hope you feel better well soon,

Have a good one,

and many many more.

DT

. said:

I have reported the comments as abuse and all has gone quiet...but worried about Misfit....we all have enough on our plate to be treated in such a way is not excusable at all.

All though it is not excusable, it is explainable, and there are mitigating circumstances for all concerned and everything that happened.

Compassion and understanding for all concerned is my suggestion.

The higher up a leader board someone goes, the more chance they have of being taken down by those who do not appreciate being at the bottom. When qualifications start getting mentioned you can guarantee there is already someone to some extent wounded before everybody else gets going with their qualifications.

Compassion and understanding for all

Competition is good as a choice, but not though as a consistent state of affairs . . .

You are not rubbish at people, or on here.  This person was out of order and I am not convinced genuine.  We care about you Misfit.

I'm heart hurt if you took what I said the wrong way and I know that you need a break so I'm even sadder that you may not ever read this.  Your opinions matter to us, they count, you are one of the measured voices with a distance from your diagnosis and some perspective and a real life.  I didn't mean that you waded in unneeded or unwanted, I thought your wise voice had made a dent in the unreasonable and others felt stronger because of your presence and more empowered to contribute.  I feel guilty now for not taking some of the heat. You have only ever made posts more interesting and open as far as I can see and I apologise unreservedly if what I said made you feel like any of it was your fault.  It was not.

I miss your presence already too but I understand that you need to do whatever you need to do.  You didn't  put your big nose in, it was requested and needed and gratefully recieved.  I have never seen you repeat yourself when it wasn't required, as in a new thread with someone who may not have seen anything previous; that is the nature of a forum, new people, restating the landscape, it's all good, please come back soon, when you are happy to.

laddie49 said:

That is a pity Tom but I respect your decision. Whatever you feel is best for you. I also miss Ferret.

I am a little concerned by the new format of this forum. I do not like the Leader Board. I am scared to post in case I end up on there and get obsessed by it. I recognise ASC means I am autistic (self-absorbed from the greek) so I think it is a mistake and should be removed.

Ferret and I have been discussing the new format with leader board issue and the fact that abuse is absolutely as such guaranteed, never fail factor ten.

X said:

i am very empathic but am crap at articulating it....where does that feeling go...do we store it up until we either implode or explode?

If it is externally oriented but does not get out sort of thing, the intensional contents, i.e, emotions, will build up and come out later explosively and or implosively. The thing is most people direct their anger and it stays directed or targeted on whomever or whatever, and the emotional charge cannot as such be recycled, whereas just being angry without directing it ~ means emotional energy can be recycled more effectively, and thereby used more productively. 

If that helps any?

You know what they say about great minds Tom? I too have to break away from here. Sad about that, I have made some friends and have some friends in the making. (5 / 6 People who have made contact with me via email and phone.)  I didn't think about it being against the rules here, sorry. Best of the Best to you all until we meet again. I might sneak in every now, but never then. Peace People.

Leader board! I know it exists and now and again have a sneaky glance to see if I am on it,thankfully not,it I also cannot see it's purpose on here, I could answer every post with "hi there welcome aboard,sorry I cannot help you" I would then be top man,

On a car related forum if somebody wrote something sad in the "lounge area" I would just hit the like button to let them know I had read it and was concerned,we still have a long running post about depression,been going many years.it has helped so many people.

I would like a box to tick just to say"I am here,I have read your post but don't feel I have a good answer, basically to say I care.

sorry tom I get lost and forget where I am on here,please forgive me for going off topic.

by the way I haven't found out how to do anything on here yet apart from waffle on a lot.on that car forum you could PM anyone once you had made 30 posts,you could send friend requests easily too. I quite often want to say something emotional or supportive to someone on here like" Hi been reading your posts,if I can help in any way just let me know?".

But to message anyone you have to friend request them first? 

Take care all.

I would like to lose the leaderboard too. I don't need rewards 

I would like a separate page where we could put useful links all in one place, recommendations, websites, books videos etc

Instead of a leaderboard. I would like a list of names of contributors ( our usernames not real ones) but not on the front page just somewhere for reference. Listed with current contributors at the top. (I have trouble remembering names.) 

a few instructions would be good also I haven't a clue how to use any of the long list on the profiles page (groups friends mentions etc)  

just ideas

KillerQueen I couldn't find your thread so replied somewhere else but goodness knows where as I keep getting muddled up. Yes we are a diverse bunch indeed. 

I agree , I think it depends who with as well. I know before I got made redundant from the railway I did work in a busy customer service environment, and I think a woman was saying that her young sons holiday would be ruined due to a strike by signalmen. I said t I'm sorry, but also thought  what can I do about it, do you want me to negotiate with the signalmen to get back to work so the little man's holiday isn';t ruined. Trains were still running as management had manned the signal boxes.   Working in an old folks home I did learn to stand away from Vera if I had things to be doing , she was pleasant enough, but sit next to her , she'd try and cuddle you, I don't mind showing affection at times, but there were times I was busy. 
I think in terms of physical/romantic /sexual relationships there is one person I really felt affection for, other relationships before that had gone sour grapes. I did have a run of women's probs, tho nothing major, nothing obviously physical wrong, so that messed up that one, and I wish the hospital had joined up thinking at the time and referred me to a sexual counsellor. I'm hoping I can reslove issues and rekindle a great relationship that went platonic!!! 

Spotty Tortoise said:

Hi Deepthought I saw you were trying to reply to environment thread, it has been shut down as abusive I'm afraid.

Yeah, spilled over from the 'autistic and you thinking you are on the spectrum' post, as which spilled over from the 'Totem of Abuse' leader board and all that.

Sorry...I am either being very dim or very paranoid 

So many apologies from everyone 

i am very empathic but am crap at articulating it....where does that feeling go...do we store it up until we either implode or explode?

Feel safe lovely...we are just a big net for each other 

Who are you upset by? Dare I ask?

Thanks Ditto re Tom. I'm just so very very sorry everyone. I just seemed to keep digging myself further into a hole whilst trying to understand and support someone else's point of view whilst trying to explain my own. I don't understand how it escalated like it did. I hope the other person involved is ok she must be having a tough time at the moment.   But as one of you said in another post it just made me feel I am useless on here too and really rubbish with people. It has made me feel unsafe on here. Thank you everyone who have sent msg of support. 

Dear tom I have come to find your thoughts and wisdom extremely comforting, I hope you return soon,rest if you need to but this is a sad day.

misfit61 or missy61 as I choose to call you ha ha, I feel for you,I always try to see both sides of any comments but seriously what was said to you was in no way justified, I am extremely upset by the comments aimed directly at you. I keep trying to think"could there be an underlying problem we have missed with someone? Maybe they need Help? We all helped as much as we could giving reassurance and understanding but it keeps going back to the same old thing,"prove you are" . Maybe that individual is in a bad place and is blaming their diagnosis for being so down, I am trying to get a point across but getting it wrong blah.

anyway enough waffle like the rules say,be nice to each other.hope I haven't upset anyone as with my ramblings but I am a bit upset by one certain person! Take care all.