I have an appointment tomorrow with ASC Diagnostic Service. It says that this appointment will be able to tell me whether I will be offered an assessment for autism.
I am very anxious about this as my whole life I have felt so different, I am a 23-year-old, female who attends university for animation.
Here's a bit about me;
All my life I have felt different from others my age, I feel in my head I am so much younger than the people around me. Looking people in the eye when they talk to me makes me feel uncomfortable, I make weird sounds and faces quite a lot and I don't know why. It's something kids do but I find myself doing it quite often. I find it hard to think clearly most times. I can not usually get out in a logical way what it is I want to say, and this makes me so infuriated. Many of my friends have made the comment that I am oblivious to life, I try and understand what people ask of me but it's easier if they break it down, which causes great problems in university as one of my lecturers just doesn't understand mental disabilities exist. I am so strange and weird in comparison to everyone else that I know of my age. I find it difficult to stay in a job without doing something wrong that in my head isn't wrong. I hate being out in large groups and I avoid social occasions at all costs. I hate change and I like to stick to things how they already are. I can happily watch the same movie over and over again for days on end. I have a select amount of phrases I tend to use over and over again in response to what people say.I tend to eat the same things, and I have to use particular silverware and cup. Another thing my parents point out that I do (which I have noticed) is I cover my ears a lot. For example, if someone is saying something to me I have already heard I can't stand to hear it, so I cover my ears. If I am in a place where noise is too loud I will instantly cover my ears. Another example when I cover my ears is when I am in a car and I am going over a speed bump, I have to cover my ears. I hate being touched. Hugs, except from my girlfriend are not appreciated in the slightest. I cannot stand people tapping my shoulder, or touching my hair. Relationships have ALWAYS been a big problem for me and often end in arguments. Every relationship I have been in has been rather toxic and bad for my mental health. Speaking of mental health, I have always suffered from depression from being around 14. I like to budget like crazy. I love and enjoy working out my budget weeks in advance and following it. I work it out approximately every 3-4 days. When people talk to me I answer them but they usually always ask me to elaborate. One thing that my friends do say is that I have no filter. I say things that other people wouldn't dream of saying out loud and I don't even realise I shouldn't have said it until I have been told. I like to smell things, before putting a t-shirt on, I have to smell it. Even if I know the smell of something, I have to smell it. I have to sleep with certain pillows due to the sound of them.
If you read all of this, thank you, haha! This is just a small insight to my life and I would love any thoughts on what you think. Are these signs of autism? Also, has anyone else had this pre-assessment appointment before? If offered an actual assessment, how long was it before you got it and what happened from there?ANY information would be appreciated greatly!
I'd say, be yourself. I've always been one for seeing an issue exactly as it is, rather than what I want it to be. That way I can tackle it properly. It almost sounds as if you're trying to conform with what you think is right. There's some of what you've descried, I can relate to. I have Aspergers. Personally I don't care abut a label. I'm awaiting an appointment for an assessment. I already know I fit around 80% of the signs. That's good enough for me. That's enough for me to act as if it's confirmed. I've already started tweaking my environment accordingly. I could be wrong, but I wonder if you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to conform, to get the result you feel is right. Be yourself. Be honest to yourself. As I've found out (for me at any rate) Aspergers isn't curable. It doesn't matter if a doctor agrees with my assessment or not. I know I have it. It means that I have to adjust my environment. That's exactly what I'm doing. I doubt I'll get an assessment in 2017. It doesn't matter. Everyone is unique. Look at what works for others. Labels are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
Hey Morgan, I am here in this forum trying to learn more about HFA and Aspergers. My current thinking is its like a finger print. There are things we share and places where we differ. I write poetry I have some in the Thread 'some of my poetry for your perusal' Most of it is Autism related. Please have a read, see if you see yourself there, and comment too if you wish. I am awaiting a diagnosis too. I am 53 years old, so I have been 'hiding it for decades' Morgan. This place is full of lovely, genuine, helpful people, I do hope you find what you are looking for.
Just quick, as the day's here and you'll be off!
Much I could say - but I identify with so much. I was like that at your age, and have been throughout my life. I was only diagnosed 2 years ago, aged 56.
I got all the way through uni without making a single lasting friend. Life has been pretty much the same. Relationships? Always abject failures, etc. Touching is a no-no - even in affection. I flinch away. I'm hypersensitive to sound. I cannot make eye contact. I don't get a lot of body language... though I've learned a lot as I've gone along. I could go on...
Just one point. You are not strange and weird. You are different! There's a difference!
As has been said - be yourself. You'll be fine. Tell them everything, as I did.
Good luck. Let us know how you get on.
well done for seeking out this appointment. Is this in order to start a pathway in order to understand yourself more?
i totally relate to your comments. I am 42, a professional woman who has just finished her MA in Games Design. Part of this study I think was purely to help quieten an over active head space and help to make sense of something amongst the security of academia.
do let me know how your appointment goes. I am considering seeing my doctor to request a referral myself. Have just read Odd Girl Out and feel like a carbon copy of this Aspie writer....what is the real me and what is the autism and the network of self woven coping strategies.
best wishes out there!
have you ever been in a situation of trying to explain to someone how you differ from "neuro-typical"...??? Any feedback welcome....I am in the process of trying to explain motor my husband what this HFA label means and how best they can support me and help our relationship work better.