Published on 12, July, 2020
I really wish that I could hibernate. This time of year has nothing to commend itself to me. I hate the dark, cold, grey days of winter. Most of the family I have lost died in winter. The worst bullying I experienced was in the run up to christmas and at christmas work social events. Before I retired, I used to look forward to some time off work and to overindulging in food and drink. I am now more health concious, and always used to hate the mixture of hangovers and that dreadful moment of getting on the scales in January to see what damage I had done.
I think I come from an autistic family. The more I read, the more asd traits I remember in my parents. They wouldn't take part in Christmas when they became older. They had a bare minimum of contact with the outside world, once they retired. I am not as unsociable as they are, but christmas has too much socialising and even the nicest of pubs is noisy and overcrowded.
January had a strange effect, in that I would become hyperactive, crash diet, and decide I could survive by will power alone. I would focus entirely on my goals until the horrible moment of realisation came, that I was trampling over everyones feelings and great waves of resentment were hitting me from everyone I knew. I would then crawl away and hide until the worst was past. By the end of February, life would return to normal and I could look forward to spring.
Is there anything nice about this time of year?
I hate Christmas too! It reminds me of family dos and I do not have sociable, nice relatives ... It is very funny how my relatives, and even my in-laws, never talk about interesting, fundamental topics - even though the Christmas party goes on for hours and hours! I told my sister-in-law about my autism and now I wonder if she even told her two sons. Nobody mentions it ever again.
If I start talking about it again, I am afraid they'll think I just need attention (and maybe I do...).
If you dislike the Christmas period so much, why not go on holiday or something, give yourself a Christmas gift and use that time to have some lovely alone time. I find this is a great time of year to indulge in my special interests as the rest of the family are busily engaged in enjoying the Christmas period in a more traditional way so I won’t be missed too much. I enjoy meeting up with people who like me, prefer to have deep and meaningful discussions about life etc and my family aren’t into that at all, so it doesn’t serve anyone by me being at their celebrations.
Also, why do you think it’s a bad thing to need attention?
The family hates it when any member misses Christmas and for years I let their wish be more important than mine. Now I am recovering from burn-out, Graves disease, ... (because of that!), so I do not feel like going on holidays and doing "fun" things, they are too exhausting.
Needing attention is something I really hate in other people. I find it irritating, childish and very tiring and I do not want to be any of these!!