Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, just wondering if anyone got practical advise for me. My 13 year old son has been diagnosed with ASD last week, though I'm very relieved that there is finally an explanation to his behaviour, we still have to deal with very foul langiage, screaming, throwing stuff, shoving etc. Quite disturbing for an adult, but even more so for my 9 year old son (he doesn't have ASD). I'm trying to think of a new way of dealing with his outburts (over very trivial things), but it just seems that I'm letting him get away with this outrages behaviour. He is refusing to talk about ASD, so no starting point. Any ideas,anybody? Has anybody got practical advise how to curb the outbursts without confrontations, but still imppose the boundaries?
Hi Rusky
I agree with Scorpion and longman's points. I would also add age 13 must be such a challenging time for anyone with ASD. My son is 10 with Aspergers and we have been lucky enough to be aware of his diagnosis for a few years now. I cannot imagine how stressful it would be getting diagnosis at 13 with all the puberty, girls/boys social things heating up, high school along with all the aspects of getting to know who he is and accepting a diagnosis. I can only imagine things must have been tough for him coping with ASD at school until now and probably feeling he has got things wrong socially and possibly told off. THis usually affects self-esteem which I wonder if he may have buried and it is all coming out now.
It is the case for a lot of kids, but not all with ASD that the school environment has tremendous stress on them and then everything else adds on. Is it a bit easier in the holidays? When my son is calm and has just 1 parent with him, we giving very genuine, but explicit reassurance of what he is good at, that he is a great person and then that we are there for him to help them through this tough time and that we will get through it. Lots of listening, very small steps at a time and grabbing your opportunities when we can. I think of it as coaching. It has/is very time consuming for me with my son but does have amazing results making him feel happier about who he is and reduces frustration massively, particularly in school holidays.
Has he any special interests that can be developed? A friendship? NAS may have ideas on befriending or NAS social groups he could get involved with. The NAS courses for after diagnosis are also very helpful to meet others and get lots of lightbulb moments. There are some fabulous books. Perhaps that would be a less pressured way in for your son, where he can pick it up when he is ready and put it down. NAS will be able to recommend some suitable ones, also reviews on Amazon give a good clue or they may have in the NAS library.
You may be doing all this already, but I find it helpful to hear what other people do in their situation. They are all individuals though needing an individual approach.
It is a difficult time after diagnosis for everyone, no matter how much you know it is coming plus you are in the early teens. Hang in there and keep talking there is a lot of others out there in similar situation.
Best wishes