Anger and violence in teen with asd

Hi, just wondering if anyone got practical advise for me. My 13 year old son has been diagnosed with ASD last week, though I'm very relieved that there is finally an explanation to his behaviour, we still have to deal with very foul langiage, screaming, throwing stuff, shoving etc. Quite disturbing for an adult, but even more so for my 9 year old son (he doesn't have ASD). I'm trying to think of a new way of dealing with his outburts (over very trivial things), but it just seems that I'm letting him get away with this outrages behaviour. He is refusing to talk about ASD, so no starting point. Any ideas,anybody? Has anybody got practical advise how to curb the outbursts without confrontations, but still imppose the boundaries? Undecided

  • You won't get anywhere without banging your fist on the table with local authorities and threatening legal action.

    While NAS bill themselves as the "exprets" the truth is they had a care home shutown near bristol as a dangerous client got out and did a particularly horrific thing.

    The NAS is also taking on residents which their facilities are not suitable for and have had staff injured due to this.

    The NAS in my opinion considering I am Diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome want low functioning chargable clients to fund their City Road Address.

    If I can give you one peice of advice you need to find the cause of the outbursts, it is quite likely something that does not bother you bothers your child.

    For instance I can hear transformers in electronics hum when others do not-it's like chinese water torture.

    Good luck

  • My daughter has had began when she started having seizures within the past year.  She is a teen.  Even though she is mostly nonverbal, as another result of the medical shift, she listens.  I talk to her and tell her about the implications of her behavior, after I learned I can set limits with her by simply stating she can't be combative.  I gave her a chance to cool down since I noticed that she would only increase combativeness if anyone tried to ask her anything or tell her reasons why not to do it, while she was in that state.  I just keep repeating the same routine.  It will become a habit for her, over time.  While focusing on happy things, while she is calm, telling her I can relate to teen issues for girls, and bring up some of her interests...I also tell her she can get into trouble for being combative.  This is helping.  She does have a seizure medication, recommended by the Epilepsy Foundation, as one of the top four medications for reducing seizures in a teen with Autism, as well.  An added benefit, is with the same medication, it has a mood enhancer included, to address aggression.  It's a little tweaking here and there, as always, sometimes behaviors happen even when you have logged every trigger you can think of.  That's life.  People can't be happy 100% of the time, but you can reduce the amount of times.  I know it's hard work.  It's easier to cope with, when the parent and the child relate to each other, as much as possible.

  • AAS said:
    I gave her a chance to cool down since I noticed that she would only increase combativeness if anyone tried to ask her anything or tell her reasons why not to do it, while she was in that state.

    This point is really important.

    Trying to talk to, or reprimend, an autistic person whilst they're in the middle of a meltdown, whatever form it takes, only make matters worse.

    Wait until they've calmed down, and they're able to think more clearly again, before approaching them.

  • Hi Stuffed,

    Thanks for contributing to this discussion and offering advice. It's always useful to read the personal experiences of people who have been affected directly. Users who do not have ASD conditions themselves may not always be aware of the different ways that individuals can feel and respond.

    It's clear, though, that you also have specific issues to raise with the NAS. This community isn't the best way to address these issues; it would be more appropriate to use the feedback form at the bottom of our contact us page, or to get in touch with the relevant department.


    Alex - Mod

  • Regarding Rusky's original posting, you are concerned about your son's "outbursts (over very trivial things)".

    It is important, if you are to find a way forward, not to simply connect the most recent event with an outburst.

    What's happening to your son continues to be a matter of debate as to the exact cause - sensory bandwidth, sensory overload, stress due to high sensitivity etc. But what he is experiencing is a build up of stresses from a number of causes. He probably cannot stop going over things in his head you would have forgotten about in minutes. This is because people on the spectrum don't get all the information they need, and have to process and reprocess to try to sort it out and find resolution. This leads to multiple spiralling anxiety.

    Hence the "very trivial things" you perceive as coinciding with an outburst may be irrelevant or "the last straw" for someone with accumulated stress. If you continue to treat the outburst as arising over a trivial matter you will still be "banging your head against a brick wall" years from now.

    You can have no possible conception of the accumulated stresses affecting your son unless you've actually "been in his shoes". So please don't trivialise this.

    However it might help if you give him some time to talk through the things concerning him over the last twenty four hours say. It may be you can re-assure him about things that will reduce the turmoil in his head. A lot can be done to reduce the level of tension.

    But as Scorpion0x17 has said, if its a meltdown give him quiet space and dignity to get it over with.

    When he is calm, give him some time to talk through the things going on in his head.