Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm Jess and I'm 17 and diagnosed with Asperger's at 14. Recently, school has been really hard. I thought I had found a nice group of friends to hang about with at break times and lunch times, and was happy. But recently I found out that they are always talking about me, and leaving me out. There is this one specific girl that has been worse. When I first found out I had Asperger's, I told her and explained how I felt in order to see if she could maybe change the way she treated me. I now feel like she uses that information and toys around with me to make me feel bad eg. not inviting me places,running off to lunch without me, not sitting with me. I have spoken to her a lot about this over the couple of years, saying that I don't think it's fair. She never listens to me and I always end up very upset and having a meltdown. No one really knows how bad she makes me feel, but I have no one else due to her not wanting me to talk to the people she doesn't like, or she would go in a mood with me. I literally have no one else at school and although it is nearly summer, I know it will ruin my summer knowing that I am hated. I would literally have moved the earth for her. She can make me feel so special and the next, awful. I honestly do not know what to do. My Asperger's makes me paranoid if people hate me and always worried about what others think. It's starting to affect my schoolwork and this is a really important year for me next year ( highers, or A level equivalent). What do I do?
Thank you x
Hi Jess, I'm middle aged with kids of my own now but I vividly remember how tough school was in my late teens. I agree with the other comments that this girl is not behaving like a friend and she has no right to try to control you. She may have insecurities of her own but it might be healthier to distance yourself from her. I doubt she really hates you and she will not have as much influence on others as you think. Break times were weird for me since I was usually on my own which I didn't mind but I did worry that I wasn't like the other girls my age. Focus on your schoolwork; maybe carry a good book to read during breaks? Being alone is not the same as being lonely - it never suited me to be with people my age, I found in later life that people much older or younger sometimes make better or more interesting friends. I hope it doesn't sound cheesy to say believe in yourself, value your feelings and stay true to yourself. It will get better! Try not to worry what others think of you - most of the time they are probably more wrapped up in themselves. Generally non-Asperger folk work to agendas and are often not true to themselves. We may be a bit different but our feelings are valid - sometimes it's better to walk away from negativity even if you fear being alone for a while. New opportunities will come along, believe me. You can always chat here - also do you have an older friend/parent/teacher you can spend time with? Good luck X