Anger / humour / internet problems

Hello. I am new to this forum. I suppose I just want to tell you a bit about my problems and you can maybe offer your 2 cents on it. Maybe tell me if this sounds familiar? I believe I have Asperger's, and I've been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Anger problems. It varies, but every few months, someone is rude to me and I'm not very good at dealing with it. I don't feel as if I can just walk away and I don't feel inclined to diffuse the situation. So, I go in to rage mode, and I shout at the top of my voice, things that no-one should ever say to someone. It is definitely not the best way to deal with such situations, that's for sure. This has been mainly isolated to my family, but there's also been an incident with a bus driver and a university classmate. I'm worried that I might end up getting violent (which I've thankfully never done) or giving someone a heart attack, stroke, seizure, etc. I am told that this may have something to do with my Asperger's, and it does indeed seem to have roots in a miscommunication, someone being as I perceive rude to me, etc., and I don't deal with it well.

Yesterday, was the worst incident that I've had. I'm 27 and my grandparents are in their early seventies. I was getting along well with them and have been doing for some time. I helped my grandmother out with her computer, but I wasn't sure what she wanted help with and she was being rude to me and having a go at me whilst I did it. We had some exchange of heated words, but no shouting, then I lost my patience and shouted at her. Well, basically, it got really bad and I was worried about her. She was okay, but obviously, shouting at someone that age is never a good thing. I am going to struggle to forgive myself for that one.

Another issue that I have is: I have a weird sense of humour, which usually goes over very well and makes people laugh and helps me to make friends. But,. I sometimes don't know where to draw the line and it causes problems for me. The wrong people complain and I get in to trouble, and so on.

Another thing is that how I am combined with the internet can be a problem. When it's anonymous people who I don't know, who cares? It's just an argument over the internet: that's what the internet's for. But, I also find it difficult to hide my true feelings, and I don't draw the line at arguing with people with whom my arguments could hurt me, professionally. So, that's another issue.

So, basically, does this sound autism or Asperger -related? Have you experienced similar problems? And, do you have any advice on how I might deal with such problems?

I'm looking in to counselling services in my area and I've ordered some books to read on the subject, just so you know.

Thank you.

  • I've just always assumed that Asperger's is a type of Autism

    Yes, it is. The most common type (*). Sorry for being confusing.

    (*) or is that PDD-NOS? Probably depends who you believe. Assuming you have some problem with social skills, didn't have a delay picking up language and aren't of 'below average' intelligence, you could have been diagnosed with Asperger's. It's partly because of the confusion that most people just call it 'autism' now.

  • Thank you very much for your thoughtful comments.

    Yes - I believe it may be a matter of trying to find a happy medium and being assertive. I think part of the reason why I choose to shout and so on is because it's the easiest response. If I fully understood how to be more assertive, this could help me to use other options. So, I will look in to books on this. Good point.

    I don't think my grandparents are very happy with me, at the moment, so I think we could do with some time apart. My grandma is difficult to constructively criticise: she just takes offence. But, if I show that I've been trying to get a handle on things, I think things could iron out, eventually. Then, maybe I can apologise to them and maybe do something nice for them.

    Yeah - I'm not too knowledgeable on the medical terminology. I've just always assumed that Asperger's is a type of Autism, but yes - it doesn't surprise me that I may have that wrong.

    Thank you, again. I will work hard on it.

  • My tuppence ha'penny: Yes and no? Everyone has some problems with anger. I think one difference is that autistic people sometimes can't tell when they're about to lose patience or 'snap' or have a meltdown or whatever. Sorry to hear you're upset about yesterday. Have you apologised properly? Is there anything you can do (a) to make it up to them; (b) explain what set you off so they might try to avoid it?

    Not knowing when to stop teasing sounds like it can be a social communication thing, so could be especially difficult with ASC. And in case you haven't noticed there are some very intemperate arguments on the internet (ever heard of Twitter? Smiley)

    The thing is, anger is a normal response to hurt and frustration and injustice. It's what to do when you detect your 'triggers' that makes the difference. Shouting usually doesn't help resolve the situation, but asking people to show gratitude for your help, and accept you know what you're doing and not make personal comments can be done in a moderate way. It's finding the 'assertive' happy medium that is important - not aggressive, but not accepting things that are hurting you. So might assertiveness or social skills books or training help? I think the problem is the same as with neurotypicals, but there's an uncertainty and anxiety and possibly dwelling on incidents that is 'Aspie'.

    By the way 'ASD' and 'Asperger Syndrome' are virtually synonymous, just the former is in the DSM-V classification and the latter is ICD-10. You may notice from other posts here that many of us have been given both descriptions (me included).

    Sounds like you're doing the right thing.