Bullying - With Experience

Greetings. This is one of those Threads which I have been meaning to start for a very very long time. Adults and "People with Children" are welcome to Post and/or "Vent", equally. Please feel free to write anything... and if you can, end it with some resolution/positve hindsight/result.

This is a bad Topic, which I am fed up of seeing sidelined or not fully discussed. "Being Bullied At School" is/was also actually a part of the "Diagnostic Criteria" for ASCs! Please share here experiences, and how you did or would have dealt with them. The more shared, I honestly believe, the more is learnt, if this is is discussed openly and without reservation, Thank You.

I shall begin with only a few things. Advice for dealing with Bullies includes "Ignoring them" and "Laughing them away". This advice does not work, as they either give chase, or they think that Bullying is being *enjoyed* by ALL concerned! 

Thanks for any replies in advance.

Parents
  • You almost expect to be bullied at school. Anyone perceived as even slightly different is treated like that by other children. If teachers are competent and nip it in the bud right away, it minimises the damage, but of course that rarely happens. When I was going to school, I was bullied by the teachers on more than one occasion as well. Of course, that made it open season for the other kids to bully me and beat me up, and then when I got home I'd be punished again because of the report that got sent home that I was causing trouble at school. Fun times.....

    When one grows up, one expects that having to take that kind of behaviour from other adults is in the past. That is not the case. The damage done by adult bullies is worse than being bullied as a kid, even if violence was involved in the latter case. As someone who has experienced both, I know.

    However, I think that being bullied as a kid makes one expect it as an adult, and therefore the victim has no defense against it (not to mention a lack of social skills because of being on the spectrum), so the victim just ignores it until it becomes too much. Then, if the victim stands up for him/herself, everyone else criticises the victim instead of the bully. After all, the bully has some social status and the victim is nobody. That's why that person is the victim in the first place. That is the way some neurotypicals are. They don't even realise that someone else's behaviour is unfair to another person. That is why there are many more bullies per capita among neurotypicals than among people on the spectrum.

    As for what to do about it, I have no idea what the solution is. Some people in the States come up with the solution to get a gun and to shoot everyone because they just can't take it anymore, but that's not a very good solution, though I can identify with being driven to that level of frustration and soul-destruction. Other than that, I have no idea, unless someone comes up with a law against workplace bullying in this country (there isn't one), and moreover, such a law is enforced (better than discrimination laws are enforced).The first may happen (it has happened in many other countries), but the second just won't happen, ever, because when it comes down to it, nobody really cares. That's for the really obvious bullying.

    But what stops bullies in the workplace from causing subtle emotional damage that adds up over time and ends up slowly destroying someone? Peer pressure, perhaps. If there were individuals in the workplace trained to recognise bullying behaviour, or if everyong were given such training, perhaps bullying and bullies would be seen as they are: an antisocial menace, rather than a popular person worthy of admiration for putting that nasty unpopular person in their place (and wasn't that entertaining and funny when they did that - let's all have a laugh at someone else's expense). Of course, people have to actually care and actually pay attention to the training.

    I don't think there is an answer. I have tried everything, except shooting up a place, of course. Nothing works. Nobody cares. Unless someone else stands up for a bully victim, they are going to keep getting bullied.

Reply
  • You almost expect to be bullied at school. Anyone perceived as even slightly different is treated like that by other children. If teachers are competent and nip it in the bud right away, it minimises the damage, but of course that rarely happens. When I was going to school, I was bullied by the teachers on more than one occasion as well. Of course, that made it open season for the other kids to bully me and beat me up, and then when I got home I'd be punished again because of the report that got sent home that I was causing trouble at school. Fun times.....

    When one grows up, one expects that having to take that kind of behaviour from other adults is in the past. That is not the case. The damage done by adult bullies is worse than being bullied as a kid, even if violence was involved in the latter case. As someone who has experienced both, I know.

    However, I think that being bullied as a kid makes one expect it as an adult, and therefore the victim has no defense against it (not to mention a lack of social skills because of being on the spectrum), so the victim just ignores it until it becomes too much. Then, if the victim stands up for him/herself, everyone else criticises the victim instead of the bully. After all, the bully has some social status and the victim is nobody. That's why that person is the victim in the first place. That is the way some neurotypicals are. They don't even realise that someone else's behaviour is unfair to another person. That is why there are many more bullies per capita among neurotypicals than among people on the spectrum.

    As for what to do about it, I have no idea what the solution is. Some people in the States come up with the solution to get a gun and to shoot everyone because they just can't take it anymore, but that's not a very good solution, though I can identify with being driven to that level of frustration and soul-destruction. Other than that, I have no idea, unless someone comes up with a law against workplace bullying in this country (there isn't one), and moreover, such a law is enforced (better than discrimination laws are enforced).The first may happen (it has happened in many other countries), but the second just won't happen, ever, because when it comes down to it, nobody really cares. That's for the really obvious bullying.

    But what stops bullies in the workplace from causing subtle emotional damage that adds up over time and ends up slowly destroying someone? Peer pressure, perhaps. If there were individuals in the workplace trained to recognise bullying behaviour, or if everyong were given such training, perhaps bullying and bullies would be seen as they are: an antisocial menace, rather than a popular person worthy of admiration for putting that nasty unpopular person in their place (and wasn't that entertaining and funny when they did that - let's all have a laugh at someone else's expense). Of course, people have to actually care and actually pay attention to the training.

    I don't think there is an answer. I have tried everything, except shooting up a place, of course. Nothing works. Nobody cares. Unless someone else stands up for a bully victim, they are going to keep getting bullied.

Children
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